It’s a common conversation point among females that they don’t have a clue what men want from a girl when you enter a relationship. Now each individual man will have his own tastes and preferences when choosing a partner but they are all looking for the same fundamental qualities in a woman as we are in men. It’s not rocket science ladies; they look out for characteristics in their woman that will make a relationship work. So here are ten of the basic things that guys look for in a girlfriend:
1. You are nurturing
Nurture is one of the basic female qualities that guys look for in a girlfriend. Some possess it more than others, and that is absolutely fine. However, that doesn’t change the fact that it has been genetically bred into us that we have nurturing and caring personalities. That is also why it attracts men, they subconsciously pick women who will be nurturing enough to raise children. It is how we biologically function, of course not all women can bear children and many women don’t want to and that is fine, but that nurturing personality has its benefits to your relationships beyond child-rearing. It can mean you are calmer, more understanding, you want to help and care for your partner. These are all admiral qualities in a woman and it shows your power through femininity by accepting that this is a biological part of you, your gender and your personality. You can still be a strong woman whilst being nurturing. You will nurture your relationship through the entirety of its life-span, there for making it a longer one.
2. You can take care of him
Now this carries on from the last point of being nurturing, (can you see why they look for it as a foundation stone?) Men have a lot, whether people like to see it or not, of pressures from society to do well. They are expected to be the upmost gentlemen, kind, masculine, hard-working, successful and contribute to their society and their home life. If you, as a woman, are able to care for him when he gets home, be it making him a cup of tea, having his dinner ready a couple of nights a week or running him a bath when you know he’s had a bad day. These small gestures (which let’s face it don’t take up much time or energy, they are only things we would do for ourselves anyway) will make you more appealing to come home to, you and your home together will become his safe space and you will relieve that pressure of work and society in your little sanctuary together. This understanding is what men crave.
Now were not saying that you have to do it every night continuously, because practically that wouldn’t work as it’s not always practical. Also you may have your own work and life commitments too, but these little gestures will go a long way in your relationship and that’s why men look for it, even in minimal amounts, in a long-term partner.
3. You can take care of yourself
Guys want women who can take care of themselves, meaning aesthetically, physically and mentally. Referencing the point made in the last paragraph, men have a lot of pressure from the outside world, so they want to know that you can take care of yourself to a certain degree to relieve some of that pressure and stress. That means that he doesn’t have to worry about everything while he’s away. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to look after you, care for you and protect you, as these are all things that men are hardwired to do whether you like it or not. Society tells them that they need to be respectful for women both in their life and around them. They are taught by their parents from a young age to look after girls and be nice to girls, to never hit them and be kind to them. There is also a instinctual urge going back to when we were primates that it Is the right thing to do to protect women, that is a fact society just need to accept. But men do not want to have to babysit their partners and sort out every little detail for them. They want to know that their woman is intellectual and independent enough to sort out small things in their day to day life and some of the big ones. If you can take care of yourself your relationship becomes balanced and healthy. Taking care of yourself is one of the biggest things guys look for in a girlfriend.
4. You can share his interests
This could be anything from liking the same music as him, to sitting through his favourite film together, walking or going to his favourite places. Guys have more interests than girls. This is because all men are somewhere on the autism spectrum. This isn’t as bad as it sounds, it just means they are anywhere from 1%-100% on the scale. This is why men are so into their hobbies, whether it be their films, their music, race cars, sports, reading or video games. To women, these hobbies can seem more like obsessions but this is because they are so passionate about what they like (meaning you too) that they put more time and effort into it. Most men do want to include their partners in their activities, how many times has your boyfriend asked you to play Fifa even though you might be terrible? He wants to share his passion with you. More than that he wants you to accept his passions and make him feel comfortable doing what he loves. So next time your boyfriend wants you to play his favourite video game with him, or listen to that album that you’ve heard a million times, give it a go and try to enjoy it, because having shared interests will strengthen your relationship and again make it healthier and last longer. Common interests is one of the biggest things guys look for in a girlfriend!
6. You can be independent
This is going to seem very contradictory, but bear with it! Although your partner does want to share his interests with you, there are other aspects that guys look for in a girlfriend too, such as independence. It’s important that you’re independent enough to the point where he still has his alone time doing what he enjoys. Sometimes he will just want to put on his headset and play Call of Duty by himself. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you around. Having a balanced relationship is a very good thing. Guys like a girl who is easy going and can be playful, sweet and all attentive one minute and able to do her own activities the next. It’s a feeling of being accepted, not judged and safe around your partner. If your boyfriend does want to zone out into his favourite TV series or game on his own, don’t get annoyed take that time as you time. Paint your nails, read a book or a magazine and do whatever it is that you enjoy. Sit next to him on the couch. This shows a guy that you are independent enough to keep yourself occupied with your own interests, but at the same time you are sharing that time in the same room, together, enjoying your own activities. It’s healthy. Men want the ease in life from their partners, find that balance ladies.
6. You can take control
Control is one of the biggest things guys look for in a girlfriend. Not crazy over the top lieutenants that tell them exactly what to do all of the time. Someone to make those small decisions like where to go for dinner, and when you need to go and run errands. No one likes to make decisions for everyone all the time, it’s another way that makes men feel safe. They can trust your judgment and what you plan and its some small things that he doesn’t have to worry about. This can also be used in bedroom, most guys want their lady to take control, and they think it’s hot as hell.
Men find assertiveness in a woman attractive, make it work and use it!
One of the biggest things guys look for in a girlfriend is safety. You are meant to make them feel at ease and gain their trust through spending so much time together, creating that relationship and sharing your most intimate moments. As stated earlier men and women have so much pressure from the outside world that they have to deal with. If things go wrong you are meant to want, crave even, to go to your partner first and seek their counsel. For them to help you through those crappy emotions and help you get through it. Be it through advice, support or even just being in their presence. That is the feeling of utter safety and sanctuary. Men want this in return. It’s a two-way street. When you think of how safe you feel in your mans’ arms, that’s what he wants from you. He is human too. Almost every yearning and feeling you get or want from your boyfriend he wants from you. So next time your guy has had a crappy day or feels upset, hold him in your arms, be there for him. That will be the place that he feels safest and wants, even if he doesn’t want to admit it.
This is nothing new when it comes to honesty. Nobody needs a lecture on how important this is to relationships. It is the foundation of building trust, safety and love. You cannot love a person that you cannot trust. Men want honesty as much as women. Honestly is one of the biggest things guys look for in a girlfriend.
The stereo-type of men not communication may be true for some men but it doesn’t mean that they don’t want you to talk to them. Communication is one of the biggest things guys look for in a girlfriend. They want you to talk about your feelings and explain your thoughts to them. They want to know what they can do to get to the root of the problem. No issue can be fixed if they are blind to the cause of it. Guys want a simple solution. If you have a disagreement, talk to your partner about it and not your friends. Don’t include multiple people in your relationship because it becomes messy and you embarrass the person you are meant to love the most. Your relationship is between you and him. Only include your friends if you feel that it is very important. Problems can be sorted by putting it into the simplest points possible, then you can work to find out a solution.
All these points contain one element in common. Balance. Love and relationships are a two-way street. Guys want balance in most aspects. In being nurturing, caring for him, splitting jobs, sharing interests, being independent, being honest and communicating. That’s what makes a successful relationship and guys know it. Believe it, girls, guys know more about relationships and how to make them work than you think. You just both have to do your parts to help each other make it work.