There can be many stages of heartbreak that we all go through during our adult lives. They can feel like some of the lowest of low points with no end in sight. Finding love can be a difficult process and we don’t all find it right away. These are some of the worst stages of heartbreak that everyone goes through but eventually gets over.
Pretending everything’s okay
This is one of the earliest stages of heartbreak and can persist for a long time. You might finally have the courage to tell the person you have had a crush on for a while that you have had feelings for them. In this scenario, we always hope for the best but we can’t control how the other person reacts. They might not see your relationship the way you did. At that moment your first inclination might be to act civil and understanding. Overall, you still care for this person and want them to be happy.
Despite this, moving on might not be easy especially if you liked this person for a long time. They are still on your mind all the time and you keep thinking about how things could have been different. Regardless, life still goes on and you still have to continue going about your life of either going to classes or work. This requires you to essentially put on a happy face every day and hide away your feelings of heartbreak. You know it’s not healthy to conceal these feelings, but you do it anyway because it feels like it’s something you have to do. You might be surrounded by friends and family, but at the end of the day still want to be in the company of the person you had a crush on.
Things could have been different
After suffering from heartbreak, our minds might end up being our own enemy. Our thoughts start racing and we think about how everything could have turned out differently. Maybe you could have changed things in the past like hung out more or had more things in common with your crush. You might even wonder if they would like us if we were more physically attractive. Instead, you have to deal with this stage of heartbreak. These feelings of heartbreak can be made worse if you see them with someone else. How can they move on so quickly while you are still suffering?
The same applies if you were in a relationship and broke up with your significant other. You might think about how this heartbreak could have been different if your partner was different or if your relationship was different. They could have been more supportive or enthusiastic about your goals and accomplishments. Maybe you could have communicated more about what each other wanted or less and maintain a sense of boundaries. You might wish you could go back in time and fix these errors or tell your past self about how things ended up and how to prevent future heartbreak. Unfortunately, it’s simply not possible. During this stage of heartbreak, it is important to remember that everything that happened was meant to happen for better or worse. It doesn’t matter if you changed things that happened in the past, it was not meant to be between the two of you which can be a hard pill to swallow.
As a result of thinking about how things could have been different in the past, you might start to blame yourself. By doing so, you are implying that everything that went wrong is your responsibility. This stage of heartbreak can easily lead to negative feelings about yourself and your self-worth. You might be inclined to blame yourself during a heartbreak because it is a responsibility is something you have control over. You don’t necessarily know what is going on in the other person’s head, but you can retain that control over yourself and your emotions.
When you blame yourself for heartbreak, you tend to see the other person as the ideal companion that you were not good enough for. If only you could be who they wanted, then things might have been different. The reality is that this person is a human just like everyone else and is not immune to flaws. Another reality is that this type of thinking is incredibly toxic to your mental health. Overall, this is one of the most toxic stages of heartbreak, so please do not dwell in this type of thinking for too long.
Being in a relationship can often feel like a safety net. You have your significant other to depend on for pretty much anything as well as your own social circle. In a way, it’s like living in a bubble where everything was going good. Now that the bubble is popped, you are left to scramble to hold on to the good parts if there are any left. Early on in the breakup, you might want to be surrounded by loved ones but especially the one who broke your heart.
The feeling of loneliness can be a very crippling stage of heartbreak. You might feel like you don’t have the energy to go about your day anymore after getting a broken heart. Your parents try their best to comfort you but they may not completely understand what you are going through. Spending time with your friends can help keep the feelings of loneliness away and take your mind off the heartbreak. It might seem like a temporary fix, but over time when you realize your friends are there for you, it can help mend your heart.
These stages of heartbreak feel like they are the absolute worst because they are happening in the present. We don’t know what the future holds or how long the pain will last. You may wonder if it’s possible to find love again. Not just any kind of love, but the same type of love that you found once before with a person you thought you were meant to be with.
You should never feel like you have to change or compromise who you are to find love again. You are always worthy of love no matter what. You can get over this stage of heartbreak by remembering your self-worth and knowing that there is nothing you have to change about yourself. What’s most important is that you love yourself and that is an important step to begin with before giving your love to others.