Categories: Relationships

10 Of The Worst Covid-19 Pick Up Lines

With the world being locked in place, we’re having to find new, and creative, ways to flirt with each other. As with any other event, pick-up lines start to reflect what’s going on in the world. 

As a single woman, I’ve noticed that every last one of these pick-up lines is showing up on datings sites. And every last one of these is absolutely awful. Guys, and girls, please leave the Covid-19 pick-up lines in the gutter where they belong.

I’m also the child of an immunosuppressed parent, so I get how dangerous this situation is. I know how bad it could be for certain members of the population. I take this very, very seriously. Maybe that’s why these pickup lines just aren’t funny to me. I just find them annoying.

These are ten of the worst pick up lines I’ve come across on a few different sites.

If Covid-19 doesn’t take you out, can I?

Come on, guys. This is slightly morbid if you stop to think about it. Why must we always bring disease, and things that really aren’t funny, into our pick-up lines? Stick with what you know. Even “what’s your sign” is better.

Even during the corona pandemic, the most contagious thing is still your smile.

Actually, the most contagious thing is the virus. It’s killing a lot of people. It’s putting many, many elderly and immunosuppressed humans at risk of illness and death. It is threatening to overwhelm our clinics, hospitals, doctors, nurses, and every other member of our healthcare staff. 

But sure. Her smile is the most contagious thing.

Whisper in her ear: “I have 60 rolls of ultra-soft toilet paper”

This one is probably the most annoying. Toilet paper hoarding just makes absolutely NO sense with this virus. It has nothing to do with your bowels or how often you’re in the restroom. 

Those who have hoarded hundreds of rolls, I wish there was a way to find out who you are and make you pay for the damages that are going to be done to the septic systems of the city because you hoarded all the toilet paper and now others are having to resort to using things that are not flushable.

Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket, or are you just happy to be within 6 feet of me?

Come on.  This is the female version of “Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.” Obviously, we’re talking about the bulge in your pants. (We’re also secretly hoping that the bulge is actually you, and not a sock you’ve shoved in your drawers to make you look bigger. 

**Side note…guys…don’t do that. Not only are we going to find out what size you really are when you take your pants off, but you’re going to smell like shit from sweating. Good luck getting any woman’s mouth near that hot mess, if that’s what you’re going for. 

A pick-up line like that is guaranteed to get you smacked if you try it on me. And most likely blacklisted from ever getting into my pants…if you ever had a shot in the first place.

Do you need toilet paper because I will be your Prince Charmin?

I really just want to put the eye-rolling emoji under this one. Playing on every woman’s dream to find Prince Charming. Please.

Are you an N95 mask? Cause I want you on my face

🙄 I truly do not know what else to say.

One-ply? Two-ply? Neither. The only thing I’m looking for is your re-ply.

Again with the toilet paper. Come on folks, toilet paper is not sexy. Not even a little bit. Think about what you use it for. Huh, now that you’re thinking about it, it’s probably one of the most unsexy things on the planet.

Is it the coronavirus or are you especially breathtaking tonight? 😍

Oh, dear. I’m not sure where to go with this one. It’s so awful. People are struggling to breathe and you’re using it as a pick-up line. 

Man, every comment I make is coming off very very cynical. I guess I just see the downside of all this and how bad it could really be. I struggle to understand the entertainment value of using a deadly disease.

See Also

I got a stimulus package that’s guaranteed to improve your economy.

Usually when a man starts bragging about his ‘stimulus package’ it’s not really as big as he brags. Either that, or it’s been used to improve economies that you want nothing to do with. 

Either way, make sure that the stimulus package has a raincoat on if you’re in desperate need of improving your own economy! You also don’t want to create another economy that you’re both going to have to improve for the next 18 years.

Hey, baby, are you covid-19? Because I feel you inside me tonight.

This one is one that really only women can say. Women are using these horrid lines and I’m ashamed. Usually, we’re slightly more creative than this. Come on, girls!

There are better things you can say than this, ladies. Like, well, just about anything. I’d rather hear just about anything than this. Use your surroundings. Pay attention to what he’s wearing, drinking, or doing. Ask about that. 

Please leave the pick up lines at home.

This came out WAAAAY more cynical than I thought it would. Probably because I’ve been overwhelmed by these dumb lines on every single person’s dating profile. They’re becoming repetitive and less and less funny the longer this goes by.

The sooner we stop making fun of this deadly virus, the faster we can all go back to going to the bar to meet people where, if they start saying s**t pick-up lines like these at least I can go to the bar and get a drink so I can listen to them without worrying my eyes are going to get stuck in the back of my head from rolling them so hard.

What other pick up lines have you heard? Are there any that are more awful than these? Let me hear them in the comments!

Featured Image Credit:
Tricia Appelgren

Lucky mom of three beautiful children ages 9, 11 & 12. I graduated with a double bachelor's degree in 2015 from Ashford University. One in Journalism and Mass Communications and the second in Public Relations and Marketing.

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