Every relationship and its ending is unique. The only thing that’s guaranteed is the reality that recovering from break-up hurt like hell. You’ll want to wallow and question yourself but the truth is, life carries on and eventually you will be expected to do the same. Here is a break down of what it’s really like to move on from a serious relationship
Cutting Off Communication Is Essential To Recovery
This reality is especially hard to accept when the break-up wasn’t particularly messy or you decided to end things mutually. How can you nurture your recovery from a break-up if you’re constantly anticipating a Snapchat from your ex?
This doesn’t mean you need to block their number and hide them from your Instagram story. Simply don’t go out of your way to converse with them or check on them (as tempting as it may be). If you work or go to school with your ex, be honest with yourself and do not engage beyond what is 100% necessary.
Sadness Does Not Have An Expiration Date
The reality of recovering from a break-up is that everyone has their own personal, undefinable timetable for healing. Depending on the depth of the relationship, it can take months or even years to feel fully whole again. What makes this reality particularly harsh is that people will expect you to be fine long before you actually are.
You will also be told that pain doesn’t last forever (and it doesn’t) but it often lasts long than you feel you can bare. When you are going through hell, you have to be patient with yourself because there is no set time for when you will feel normal again.
On the contrary, some people process pain and loss quicker than what is expected of them. It’s totally normal, as long as you have properly addressed your feelings. It doesn’t mean the relationship didn’t mean anything to you; it just means you cope differently.
You may have a few good weeks without thinking about your ex, then wake up one day with them heavy on your mind. Sadness comes in many forms; it can be lingering and its duration is unpredictable.
Moving On Requires Intentional Effort
In the movies, a recovery from a break-up consists of passive methods that include locking yourself in your room to cry while binging on ice-cream. Realistically, it’s okay to process the break-up in that manner for a few days but eventually you need to develop a constructive plan to get past the relationship.
If you want to truly move on, you must gather the strength to be present for the people and aspects in your life that deserve your undivided attention. It takes courage but you can’t neglect the good things in your life because you are nursing a broken heart.
Moving on requires recognizing there are still things in your life that are worthy of your effort; wallowing over a relationship is not one of them.
Distractions Won’t Heal Your Heart
While recovering from a break-up requires active effort to be present in your life, it is easy to use distractions as a way to avoid processing your feelings. You must be able to take a step back from work, school and social obligations in order to truly assess how much progress you are- or aren’t making in your recovery.
Being at peace without having distractions is a sign that your heart is healing but getting to that point requires actually facing the initial feelings of loneliness.
This reality is scary when you feel overwhelmed by sadness when you’re on your own but accepting that everything your feeling is just apart of being human will allow you to make progress.
Distracting yourself from how you are feeling will only prolong your recovery because unresolved emotions inevitable resurface.
You Are More Than Your Broken Heart
Simply put: you had a life before you were in a relationship and it will go on without the relationship. It’s easy to be consumed by the break-up and let your world revolve around it.
Turn off that “He Broke My Heart” playlist and listen to your favorite song from 7th grade. Put on an outfit that makes you feel good and have lunch with a friend. This is the time to get back in touch with the part of you that existed before you got into a relationship.
You are our own individual being with interests, quirks, hobbies, and talents. You have so much more to offer than what you are currently going through. If you are constantly wallowing in a bubble of sadness, you will miss out on opportunities to rebuild your life.
You Are Responsible For How You Choose To Recover
Break-ups have the tendency to bring out the worst in people, making them vulnerable to behaving uncharacteristically. Nevertheless, the reality is you are always in control of how choose to react to shitty situations.
So, think twice about sending that snarky subtweet about your ex. It may seem like a good idea to be petty or treat your ex as they treated you but ask yourself if six months from now, will you regret the decisions you are making? You can never go wrong being graceful and showing respect.
If you react to the break-up by falling into a slump and neglecting your work/school responsibilities, the consequences will linger a lot longer than a broken heart. Remain diligent and continue tending to the other aspects of your life.
A break-up is stressful enough on its own; instead of adding to your anguish by making rash decisions, nurture the other parts of your life. Go to class, work, and follow through with your social obligations. You will thank yourself once you’ve gained some clarity in a few months.
Everyone goes through a break-up at some point in their life. They can feel isolating and as if the pain will last forever. Find solace in the fact that things will get better. Just be patient.
I'M CURRENTLY A COLLEGE FRESHMAN STUDYING JOURNALISM AND FIGURING OUT LIFE ONE DAY AT A TIME.