Mending a broken heart is challenging, especially if the breakup was sudden and deep feelings were attached. But we’ve all been through it. In the immediate aftermath, coping with all of the emotions can be tough. Memories of the relationship go speeding by as you reflect on the past. At times, it may seem difficult to find your bearings. The truth is though, focusing on the future rather than endlessly pondering what could have been is key.
Whether things ended with your former fling on a positive or negative note, now is the time to focus on yourself and your value. Not to sound like your mom, but you don’t need a companion to reassure you of your worth. As you recover, you’ll recognize that *you’re enough,* regardless of whether he/she is by your side.
So how else can you repair your shattered heart? We asked some of our fave influencers to share their secrets to hurrying up the healing process and regaining confidence post-breakup. You got this, girl.
1. Stop blaming yourself.
“It can be easy to feel doubtful and alone after a breakup. I know from my own experience that I felt really down and unwanted, trying to figure out what I did wrong,” shares TikToker Julia Molinari. “Eventually, I realized that it wasn’t fair to blame myself and that I wasn’t unwanted. I stopped searching for what went wrong and just focused on the fun that I had while it lasted.”
2. Allow yourself to go through the emotions.
“There isn’t a magic wand that’ll make you feel better overnight, which is why it’s important to let yourself feel your feelings and not fight them,” says singer Casey Baer. “The longer you keep your emotions bottled up, the harder it’ll be to get over the breakup. You can write down what you’re thinking or talk with someone you trust—it’s OK to ask for help! Time heals all, so don’t put your life on hold.”
3. Surround yourself with people that make you happy.
“Make sure to spend time with friends and family who lift your spirits,” advises musician Alli Haber. “It’s really important in these moments to empower yourself and remember all the good people in your life. Getting over a breakup may be difficult, but as bad as things get, there will be people who are going to be there for you no matter what.”
4. Treat yourself.
“My biggest breakup tip is practicing daily self-care!” exclaims social media influencer Zinnia Alexus. “I do a lengthened skincare routine, work out more often, and eat healthier to feel better about myself on the inside and outside. Self-care keeps my focused on myself.”
5. Remove your ex from social media.
“Keeping the person who hurt you on your Instagram feed is going to make you feel worse,” asserts Emily Tifflin, a popular TikTok creator. “I unfollowed my former boyfriend so that he’d no longer come up on my social media—and that definitely helped me get over the breakup.”
6. Stay motivated.
“Instead of crying all the time, I like to play music and work out,” reveals influencer Bella Diakomanolis. “Chloe Ting’s workouts are incredible. They make me feel so confident afterward. I love doing her routines to upbeat Ariana Grande songs.”
7. Focus on your hobbies.
“My best piece of advice would be to throw yourself into anything and catch up on what’s important to you,” says TikToker McKenzi Brooke. “Honing in on shooting my content definitely helps me. By dedicating time to your passion and sharing it with the rest of the world, you can get through anything.”
8. Put your feelings down on paper.
Your ex is history—and no amount of sulking or Instagram-stalking will change that. Try writing (yep, writing) about why it all fell apart, what you both did wrong, what you’ll never do again. Do it 30 minutes a day, suggests psychologist and relationship expert Gary Lewandowski, Ph.D. Look for the positives — reclaimed freedom, poker nights, etc. — and the knowledge that you’ll go into your next relationship much better armed. Lewandowski found that people who engaged in such positive, cathartic writing felt calmer, more confident, and more empowered than those who wrote about the negatives.
9. Remember who you were before your breakup.
Before you were part of a couple, you were a functioning human being with your own favorite pastimes, drinks, authors, and bands. Remember that girl? Be more like her. You did it before, so do it again. Think of activities you didn’t or couldn’t do with your ex — hunting, binge-watching Cops, listening to the Boss’s entire catalog on one glorious road trip — and do it.
10. After some time, try to be open to dating again.
There’s no magic formula for how long it should take to get over a breakup. It varies for everyone and you’ll know as soon as you get there. Remember though, when you do feel ready to jump back in the dating pool again, don’t rant about your ex to someone new. “We know that finding other partners is helpful,” says Lewandowski. “There’s no 100 percent solution that works for everybody. But here’s some science in your favor: Seven or eight times out of 10, finding a new, meaningful relationship will help you get over a previous one.”
11. Don’t try to be friends with your ex right away.
This is perhaps the most important rule of all: in order to get over your ex, you need to maintain some emotional distance from them.
Anne Gilbert, M.D., a psychiatrist and behavioral health specialist with Indiana University Health, says your most prudent move is to go cold turkey, but if you guys have kids together, that might not be an option. In that case, “start treating [your ex] as you would a pleasant roommate,” Gilbert says. “Do your best to set up a boundary, and be emotionally separate. Keep conversations cordial, businesslike, and brief, and don’t react to [their] reactivity.”
Later, says Gilbert, you can explore reviving the friendship part. “I see lots of divorces where people say, ‘One of my best friends is my ex-husband,’ ” Gilbert says. “But that’s later on. At first, you have to set rules because someone always feels more strongly than the other. As you recover, that’s when you can relax the rules.”
How would you cope with a tough breakup? Comment below!
Feature Image Source: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a6970/breakup-grown-woman-recovery/
Nicole Gibson is a junior at Quinnipiac University in Hamden, Connecticut, where she is pursuing a bachelor of arts in journalism and theatre studies.