Getting over an ex is never easy, the heartbreak and sorrow start to consume you and you think there will be never be anyone else that you can love as much. But you can not go on living like that, so how do we get you over the hurdle and on the way to living a better and happier life without your ex being involved.
Here are 15 tips on how to do that.
1. Stay of the media
As much as you are going to want to… DO NOT STALK THEM! Do not look them up on Facebook or Instagram to find out what they are up to, no matter what it is you are not going to be happy about it.
So don’t torment or torture yourself and find out if they are happier than you are.
Just as importantly, don’t go posting stuff endlessly yourself. You don’t have anything to prove to anyone by winning the breakup on social media, so just let yourself relax and process what has happened.
Take a break from social media for your own sake.
2. Get rid of any mementos
The relationship is over, so you need to accept that and put away all the cuddly toys and pictures that you’ve collected in your time together. You can’t carry on living in a relationship that is over, and putting away or just outright getting rid of the items is one of the first steps to accepting that you aren’t getting that relationship back.
3. No contact
In a previous article I’ve spoken about whether you can be friends with an ex, and you can if you do actually want to be, but the best way of going about it is to have a period of around a month where there is no contact.
This allows for you both to get over each other, to put away the feelings that saw each other as bf/gf and see each other in a purely platonic way.
Or you can keep as no contact forever. If it was a toxic relationship, then a no contact policy will be the best option for you.
4. Wallow Day
Allow yourself a day, or a week if you really need it, to just wallow. Feel sorry for yourself. Eat all the chocolate, binge watch films, cry as much as you need. Allow yourself to grieve the relationship, the loss of the person that you loved with all your heart.
But when that allotted time frame is over, you have to make sure that you stop wallowing. Snap out of feeling sorry for yourself, it isn’t going to get you anywhere.
So when that day is over, you need to make sure that it is actually over. Then we can move onto the positives on how to get over your ex.
Busying yourself with positive things will do you the most good because it will distract you from thinking about your ex and therefore, missing him. Find a way to build a routine in your life and you will make the day to day torture bearable until you don’t need to use the tasks as a distraction, you are just doing this stuff because you want to.
It doesn’t have to be horrible stuff, whether you want to busy yourself with work is up to you, you could also keep yourself busy by making sure you set aside time to read some books, paint and be creative, even baking.
But try not to let yourself slip back into the wallowing stage with baking, don’t over indulge in sweet treats, allow the tasks to build new skills. Use the time to be productive.
6. Put Yourself first
A relationship is about being a ‘we’, being a team. A lot of people lose who they are as a singular person while they are in a relationship which makes it so much harder when they are out of the relationship because they are lost on what to do with themselves without that person attached at their hip.
So use this time as a single person to find who you are again. Reconnect with what you like doing, where you want to go in life. Whether you want to focus on better yourself spiritually or focus on better your career goals is dependent on the prioritise in your own life.
But just use this time as a way to improve you as a person.
7. Family and Friends
It’s not just about focusing on yourself, you can also focus your time and every on your friends and family. Through this time you will want to lean on them for support, and you must. Don’t think you have to go through this alone, allow your friends to support you.
Have them come over for drinks and a movie night, or go and have a family dinner once a week to reconnect with those around you as well. This can be a part of your routine for the week. Also adding these interactions in will make your life a lot easier, you can vent your frustration and heal better and quicker with the help of others.
Go to those that love you and remind yourself you are loved and deserve to be loved. They’ll be sure to get you laughing again.
I personally find that making two playlists really helps with getting over a breakup. Create one playlist that allows you to feel all of your emotions fully, fill it with all of the depressing heartbreak songs and sad melodies that match the mood. But you also need to create a motivating playlist, a playlist that has you saying FU and getting back up to conquer the day.
You can’t wallow forever, so the FU playlist is just as important because you need inspirational music that will have you back on your feet ready to face the day. Find the music that works for you and immerse yourself in it. It will also help as a distraction to your feelings.
Channel your frustration and anger into a workout. I know it is what everyone says but there is a reason, working out not only allows you to burn off your frustration in a positive way, it also releases endorphins which makes you happy.
If you need more motivation to go to the gym, just think of getting the revenge body. Making yourself so hot that your ex regrets ever leaving you. It may not be the healthiest mindset to follow to begin with but it’s good motivation to make your ex realise you were the best thing to happen to them.
10. Clean up
A therapist would say it is a way of decluttering your life after a breakup, but it is also just a good way of keeping yourself busy and distracted.
By cleaning your house you can feel a bit more in control of your surroundings which is a great comfort at the time. It will also help in changing your mindset about where your ex is in your mind. By cleaning your house, you are cleaning his/her presence away.
Like cleaning your house, a makeover works in the same way. You are changing yourself to be different from when your ex knew you. You feel like you will have left your ex behind you when you are done, because this new you doesn’t want a person that will hurt them and treat them like s**t in their life anymore.
So go through the phase of cutting your hair or dying it, or even getting a new piercing so something separates you from the person you were with them and move on with your life. No looking back.
Keeping a journal or diary is highly recommended by doctors and therapists and basically anyone really. Writing down what you are thinking or doing in your day to day life gives you some perspective on where you are in your life.
By writing down the thoughts that have passed through your mind you can figure out what the root cause of each thought is and find a way of resolving it. Say you keep thinking about how much they could make you laugh which makes you miss them and want them back, challenge these thoughts by wondering why you found him/her so funny.
Were his jokes funny or were you just infatuated and would laugh at anything? Or challenge it by finding a comedian on Youtube that is even funnier, when you need a laugh you will no longer think of a joke of his, but a joke by Jimmy Carr.
13. Start a project
Again, this is another way of keeping yourself distracted which is the main aim of these steps. A good example of this is Danny Wallace’s Yes Man, which is a book about how he challenged himself to say yes to every experience that came his way so he was constantly seeing new things and meeting new people.
I’m not suggesting you say yes to everything, but putting yourself out and starting a project that will give yourself new skills or new experiences will help you in the steps of improving yourself and finding who you are as a person.
14. Avoid relationships
I know some people will say that you should start dating because you need to put yourself out there, but this will never be a good idea. Not until a few months have passed at least, but it depends on the type of relationship you’re getting over and how long you were together.
A toxic relationship requires a long time for healing, just as a long-term relationship does. Allow yourself some time to find who you are outside of the dating field and a relationship, you as a person is interesting and you should spend some time alone with her. You’ll be happier in the long run for it.
15. It takes time
Lastly, don’t expect to be over your ex in a few days or a few weeks. It isn’t a quick process. The memories of them will linger in your mind for months, even years. They will always be a part of you and you will be reminded of them when you see certain things, but as time goes on, the memories of them will fade and it will become easier to go through the day without thinking about them.
It will be a long process, no matter what you do. You just need to be willing to accept that and go along for the ride. The memories of them will bother you less as time goes on until they don’t even bring up any feelings at all. It’s just a distant memory. You just need to be patient.