Today’s society is slowly becoming more welcoming to certain aspects of sex but still there are many struggles you experience as someone who is “sex positive,” we’ve narrowed down ten of them. There is still so much that needs to be done to clear out a safe space to talk about how tapping into yourself and others can do wonders both sexually and emotionally. Being “sex positive” is liberating but these struggles are imprisoning.
1. Some People/Partners Aren’t As Open About Sex As You Are
It’s completely normal that not everyone is going to be where you are on the comfort spectrum regarding sex but it doesn’t make it any less difficult having to deal with that incongruence. You may have taken the time to truly learn about yourself, your body and what you’re comfortable with but your partner may not have done the same so you have to overcome that hurdle together.
Being sex positive doesn’t always give you the tools or patience to shepherd someone to their sexual liberation.
2. Your Sexual Positivity Can Be Misconstrued With Promiscuity
One of the biggest struggle’s of being sex positive is having to deal with this misogynistic and patriarchal idea that because you are open and in tune with your sexual needs and emotions you are willing to sleep with anyone and everyone. Those two things do not coincide but in a society that propagates slut-shaming the struggle to love one’s self is a never-ending battle.
3. Men Confuse You Loving Yourself With Hating Them
At times men think that as a woman when you feel free to express yourself and your sexual desires you see them as the enemy, the oppressor, this of course is false. Some men have been told by society that a woman loving herself is a threat to them. When a woman gains power in herself society is better for it. Anyone who thinks otherwise, men and women included, have a distorted view on self-love and liberation.
4. People Assume You Are Into Every Type Of Sex
When you’re sex positive there is this notion you struggle against that you are open to any and everything. People who are sex positive also have boundaries, fears and limits. It is a misconception to believe that because one knows their body, likes and needs that they are willing to try anything. It is the exact opposite, when one becomes sex positive and tunes into themselves they can see more clearly what they are comfortable doing or not doing.
5. People Don’t See The Emotional Side Of Being Sex Positive
Being sex positive isn’t just about the physical aspect, it is also about getting to know the emotions that accompany one’s intimacy and sexuality. It’s being able to see how certain physical interactions made you feel and whether you want to invite those feelings back in or not.
The struggle is finding someone or people who can open their mind enough to understand that sex is so much more than physical touch. When you become sex positive you are acknowledging the myriad of emotions that come with it.
6. Some People Can’t Comprehend The Notion
When you are sex positive you inadvertently become a teacher, which at times can be very draining. It takes time and patience to deconstruct all the ideas we were fed by society and it can particularly difficult with a topic as intimate as sex. Everyone’s journey to sexual self-discovery is different and we all learn what works for us at our own pace.
It takes an open mind to delve into an issue that has been so stigmatized. Some people may never get to a place where they are comfortable discussing the in’s and out’s of being sex positive and that can be a real negative.
7. You Find Yourself Defending Your Very Personal POV
When the topic of sex and you being sex positive does come out you can find yourself having to defend a point of view that is very personal and different for each and every person. How sex positivity looks on you may not look the same on someone else.
Because you have come to a place of love and learning in your sexual personal life other people may see you as the champion of the subject. You are expected to have all the answers on a subject that is unique to each individual. Just because you have found your position on sexual positivity does not make you the MLK Jr. of the subject.
8. It’s Assumed You Don’t Have Any Boundaries
This goes back to the slippery slope mentality that those who regard themselves as sex positive are open to doing and talking about anything sex related. You may be sex positive but that doesn’t inherently mean you’re an open book waiting for any onlooker to read into. You know what you are comfortable discussing and performing so you’re boundaries are even clearer.
9. People Assume You’re Up For Sex At All Times
Just because you are sex positive does not mean you are a walking porno. People conflate the idea that sex positivity means you crave sex and that’s simply not true. You have found the value of sex and the emotions you experience with it but that doesn’t mean you want to bone everyone at anytime of the day.
10. Dismantling Rape Culture Is Exhausting
Ooof this is a big one. You are a champion of your sexual rights. You proclaim your freedom to choose who,when and how to love. So that also means you are fighting the good fight- dismantling toxic masculinity, rape culture and the patriarchy- which are pretty much all in the same.
When you open your mind in this society you will start seeing these pervasive trends and traps that have held you and others down for so long. It can be exhausting trying to break down the walls that held you trapped for so long-but if anyone can do it, its you. Being sex positive does not mean you have to be the Joan of arc of sexual liberation but I mean she was a badass, and so are you.