Nursing major because it’s necessary. Writer because it’s vital. Currently…
Unfortunately people cheat. You hear about it all the time, especially in the world of celebrities. Most of these scenarios end in a break up, but what about those who decide to stay together? Here’s what to know about staying with a cheater.
1. The insecurity you’ve gained from this is wildly uncontainable
It’s horrific imagining the person you love, trust, and vulnerably walk life with, sleeping with another person. It’s excruciatingly painful, beyond unbelievable, and utterly imposing when it actually happens. Searching over why your boyfriend or girlfriend chose to sleep with someone else is agonizing. A ‘shortcoming’ of yourself that didn’t exist before the situation is now there. You probably don’t even know what it is that caused your partner to stray, but they did. It’s hurtful because it’s out of your control, and didn’t come from your own doing. Instead, it came from the person you love choosing to betray your bond, without thinking that it’d shatter both the relationship and your feelings of self worth. This kind of deep-rooted insecurity is hard to rebuild. After all, nothing was wrong with you, but now it seems something is. That being said, staying with a cheater isn’t impossible.
2. You will bring up the incidence if they fault you in the future
Cheating is extremely damaging, and will surely be used as leverage to jab at the cheaters’ character if they ever fault you in another way. When combined with the general feelings of inadequacy cheating brings onto the cheated, mentioning what the cheater once did during new fights can become a way to ‘get even.’ But, guilting a partner into feeling a certain way is manipulative, and is a self-fulfilling prophecy to you feeling worse for attempting to control another person. And we all know once control is on one partner’s agenda, that means the relationship is taking a downward health spiral.
3. The way you perceive their intentions with other girls/guys will be different
The next time your partner calls another person “cool” or hangs out with someone of the opposite (or same, depending on sexual preference) gender, you’ll be uneasy. Potentially nauseous, even. Why? This new friendship is not equated with what kinship once was. That boundary was already crossed with the original cheating. This new person is a potential threat, and is someone to be avoided, regardless of how either end on the new dynamic actually feels, or how platonic the situation (probably) is. The cheated on is bound to overthink, and the cheater is bound to think the cheated is being over dramatic and worried for no reason. It’s tough to judge who’s right here. Both statements are valid. However, because the relationship already entered a grey area, it’s difficult to tell paranoia from reality. Let the accusations begin.
4. You’ve now relinquished them fully to the upper hand
The step before the get-back-together should be one of critical evaluation, where the cheated realizes they are now in a position where they can choose to leave or continue. If someone who’d been cheated on got back together with a cheater, then that ensues they place more worth in the relationship than they do in themselves. Once a partner chooses to jeopardize the other person’s trust and general well-being by cheating, it proves that they are selfish. They not only placed their own needs above the other person’s’ needs, but also above the other as a whole person, physically. Selfish partners who act based solely on their own wants and whims are not worth heartbreak over. They don’t deserve the satisfaction of knowing their partner loves them to such limits that they would still come back even after mistreatment. That’s a major relationship imbalance, and will leave one person (the cheated) unfulfilled. Have the power to recognize self-worth without your partner and walk away. Don’t live on their leash. No one deserves fumbling to pick up their own pieces that were left by someone else’s break.
5. This is an immense incentive for you to grow as a couple – but don’t expect it
For those once cheated of best love who have decided to still, whether from forgiveness or indecisiveness, stick it out with the cheater, this last piece of advice fosters hope. Perhaps you finding out and arguing with your cheat of a partner made them recognize their foolishness. They are now adept at comprehending what a special world with you they almost lost. So, they will not let stray thoughts jump into another person’s bed next time. Maybe they’ll even work the hardest they ever had to be the best of partners, because knowing your injury was their fault is something they would never want you to bear again. Essentially, this could all be a positive wake up call for you both. Or, they may cheat again. Besides, you’re still here. What’s one more incident to a cheated person who doesn’t know better? Either way, I emphasize evaluating your feelings first before worrying about the cheaters’. Don’t hesitate to choose yourself – that’s precisely what they already did. Before you make the decision regarding staying with a cheater, do some soul searching.
What do you think about staying with a cheater? Let us know in the comments below!
Featured image source: weheartit.com
Nursing major because it’s necessary. Writer because it’s vital. Currently creating for Society19, and fabricating a poetry collection.