After getting out of a long term relationship, you may be wondering “When is the appropriate time to date again?” or “How do you know when you’re ready?” It’s hard to truly know when is the right time to start dating again because it may be different for everyone. However, there are definitely certain signals that maybe you need to take time for yourself and stay single which is perfectly okay!
1. You go out on dates and assume it’s going to turn out badly.
This is when you have that mentality that since your previous relationship failed, no other relationship is going to work out for you. When you go out on dates you should have an open mind and a positive attitude. You shouldn’t expect it to go horribly wrong even if you’ve had bad experiences in the past. If you have a pessimistic attitude about dating then you truly probably won’t have a good date as your expectations are already set before you even meet the person. Your attitude will significantly determine the outcome of your date. Maybe you should process your negative dating experiences for a while and then when you’re ready and open to the idea of love, then you can start dating again.
2. You compare every guy to your ex-boyfriend.
After getting out of a relationship, it’s so easy to compare every guy to your ex. It’s normal to do this especially when you’re so used to being with one person. However, realize that every relationship is different. The way things were with your ex-boyfriend isn’t going to be the same in your next relationship. If you’re searching for a guy that’s exactly like your ex-boyfriend, then that’s a definite warning sign that you still need to process your breakup. It’s okay to look for some guys that have qualities that you liked about your ex-boyfriend, but at the same time, you shouldn’t be constantly comparing everything he does to the way it was with your ex.
3. You just don’t want to be alone.
Being single can sometimes be lonely, but that doesn’t mean that you need to jump into a new relationship. When you’re so used to always being with someone and then suddenly that’s gone, it can be hard to be by yourself. However, time alone will allow you to grow and focus on self-love and compassion. Dating just because you can’t stand the thought of being alone isn’t right and it will more times than not just make you feel worse at the end of the day. When you find love within yourself and start to enjoy your own company, that’s when you can open yourself up to the possibility of a new relationship with someone who appreciates your independence. As Carrie Bradshaw says, “Don’t forget to fall in love with yourself first.”
4. Your self-worth is based on what other people think of you.
Do you start to think negatively of yourself if a guy rejects you or one of your Bumble matches doesn’t respond to you? Then maybe you should reconsider dating right now and prioritize time spent on yourself. A guy should not in any way determine how you see yourself. You are beautiful and amazing just the way you are and if someone doesn’t see that then they don’t deserve to be with you in the first place! Know your worth and what you deserve.
5. You consistently cancel dates or ghost people.
If you keep canceling on dates, it’s a major sign that you’re probably not ready to move on yet. You’re not even opening yourself up to the opportunity to meet someone new, most likely because you are afraid and simply not prepared to meet anyone yet. Delete your dating apps for a while and grieve your breakup. Only download dating apps and start meeting new people when you truly feel ready and excited about the possibility of a new relationship.
6. You have a fantasy in your head that the next person you date is going to be your soulmate.
You’re putting all this unnecessary pressure on yourself and the other person if you automatically just assume that they’re going to be your forever person and the love of your life. Not every person you date is meant to be with you forever. You probably have been watching too many romantic movies where you just expect to fall in love with the next person you meet.
7. You’ve abandoned your friends and hobbies just to go out on dates.
You’re so obsessed with the idea of finding love and a new relationship that you’ve stopped making time for yourself. Dating should not be your main focus. Your hobbies and your friends are more important than going on dates especially if you just got out of a relationship. Even if you feel ready to date and really want to find a relationship, don’t stop doing everything you love to go out on dates. Dating isn’t worth losing yourself over.
8. You want someone to heal you and make you feel better.
After going through a super traumatic event during my first year of college, I thought that finding a boyfriend would make everything better. Although having a boyfriend did make me happy for a while, eventually all the emotions I was trying to hide and bury away all reappeared again. When you get into a relationship, your unprocessed trauma doesn’t go away. Sometimes your SO will stick by you, but some will leave and not want to deal with it. Either way, you’ll just end up getting more hurt leaving yourself to still process unhealed wounds. You should start a relationship with someone when you are emotionally ready and feeling good about yourself.
9. You still communicate and check up on your ex.
This could include texting them, looking on their social media, or constantly looking at pictures and belongings you have of theirs. Trust me no one wants to be in a relationship with someone if they still talk to their ex regularly. First of all, you probably need to cut off communication with your ex and then take time to process being without them before you can even consider dating again.
10. You find yourself repeating the same cycle in every relationship you have.
If you find yourself experiencing the exact same thing in every relationship, maybe you need to really dig deep and understand why you keep repeating the same cycle. It’s important to learn how to break the cycle especially if you keep ending up hurt and broken after a relationship is over.
Ultimately you know what is best for you! You’ll know when you feel ready to open yourself up to a new relationship. Remember that you shouldn’t feel any pressure though and it’s okay to take time to heal and focus on you.
Were any of these signs helpful? Let us know in the comments below!
Featured Image: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/1125968644768432/
Caitlyn is a third-year student at UCLA. She is majoring in English. She enjoys writing, and going to hot yoga classes and, of course, binge-watching Netflix. At UCLA, Caitlyn is a feature writer for HER Campus, part of the American Cancer Society club, and a member of Alpha Gamma Delta.