Monogamy and committed relationships are beautiful concepts and the majority of us are either in one or have been in one in the past. Most humans feel comfortable and secure knowing they have their partner as a constant who is only romantically available to them and vice versa. However, when the fear of being single and lonely catches up to us, some of us may find that we are constantly committed in a relationship. These relationships may not be right or good for us, we may not be fully happy or fulfilled or even know if we want one, but here we go again.
A serial monogamist is an individual who is constantly seeking out or part of a monogamist relationship. Whether because of fear of being alone or pure habit, they skip from one partner to the next in search of something they don’t even know they want. This pattern can be dangerous, time-consuming and mentally draining. It can even take over your life.
Keep reading to find out if you or someone you know if a serial monogamist, and why they may be this way.
1. You’ve been in relationship after relationship with very little time in between.
If you’re someone who jumps from relationship to relationship without taking much time for yourself in between, you may have a subconscious tendency to get involved with any who shows you attention first. If you feel the need to constantly be monogamous to somebody before really getting to know them, you may not only be settling for something that may not be right for you, but it’s also clear you may just be searching for the comfort of anybody rather than being in relationship for the right reason. Next time you end a relationship try to take a decent amount of time to reflect on what you truly look for in a partner before committing to them.
2. Almost all your supposedly “casual” hookups have turned into relationships.
If you find yourself in a committed relationship without even realizing its happening or why, this may be a sign you are a serial monogamist. This is especially true if you told yourself that a casual thing would be just that, only to then be committed to them a month later. Granted, sometimes great relationships start off this way but, if you told find yourself committing for no real reason other than because of proximity or convenience, this may be a bigger issue.
3. You don’t enjoy one night stands or casual sex.
And this is perfectly fine and normal! It just means that maybe you tend to always want more than just sex (cuddles, affection, companionship). You crave a true, genuine connection over casual, perhaps meaningless, sex and because of this, you find yourself the most comfortable in monogamous relationships. However, this may be a sign you are a serial monogamous and while this isn’t necessarily dangerous, be sure you’re in it for the right reasons.
4. The thought of being single scares you.
Because being single doesn’t necessarily mean being alone. But for you, maybe the thought of being single comes with a whol baggage of feelings and fears of being lonely, unwanted and isolated. This is not a healthy mindset to live in and can influence you to be in relationships just so you don’t have to feel alone.
While being single may come with a few lonely moments, there are so many great, healthy benefits of being able to live life single for a bit and learning to deal with things alone. You will learn to be independent and that, while monogamous relationships with others can add joy and happiness to your life, you’re also equally as joyful and happy just on your own. Once you master this, you will be more likely to be in fulfilling relationships where your standards are met because you’ve had time to reflect on what you really want. Or you may even realize monogamy isn’t right for you after all.
5. If someone asked you to name all your exes, you’re not sure you would remember them all.
If you have had so many relationships that even you have a hard time remembering ex’s names and on what timeline, it may be a sign that you are a serial monogamous. Serial monogamists are always in relationships and because of this have a many exes’s. If you find yourself confused about who you dated, when and where it may be a sign you should take a break from the relationship game.
6. You’ve started a relationship more out of convenience and proximity than actually deep attraction and love.
Like a casual hookup turned serious, if you’ve started dating someone because say, they show interest in you (even if you’re not too sure about them), its cuffing season or they live right down the block, it may be a sign you’re looking for anything serious, rather than the real thing. All of these reasons are fine, but not very rational basis for a healthy, fulfilling commitment. Would you marry someone just because they live next door and show interest in you? If not, you probably shouldn’t just date them either
7. You rarely bother keeping in touch with your exes.
If the majority of your exes are people you haven’t bother keeping in touch with or even checking in on platonically, it may be because you were never truly that invested in the first place. Assuming things ended on good terms, usually, you still care for your exes’s as genuine people, regardless if you’res till dating or not. But if you find yourself no longer interested in their life or well-being in general, it may be a sign that you were never truly invested in the first place. If this is true about more than one ex, also question why you dated them at all.
8. Even after all your relationships, you don’t truly know what you want in a partner.
If you still find yourself questioning why your previous relationships failed, or can’t seem to name a few qualities and standards you know you need in a partner, it may be a sign that you are a serial monogamist. After a couple of relationships, you should probably have an idea of what qualities you are compatible with and what you need from a relationship to be happy and fulfilled. If you still don’t know, it could be a sign that you just jump into any relationship without really taking the time to acknowledge if its right for you.
9. Your friends and family no longer get excited about your new partner.
This is probably because, to them, whenever you introduce a new partner to them they know it won’t last long, based on your past relationship patterns. This is a clear sign you are a serial monogamist. Usually, your friends and family would be excited for a new special someone in your life. However, if you’ve shown them that your relationships are usually never long-lived, and frequent, it may get hard for them to take any new person in your life as a serious, knowing it’ll probably end soon and someone new will come along. Which sucks for you, your partner and the ones who care about you.
10. You feel like you’re never truly fulfilled in your relationships.
This may be because you settle for people who aren’t compatible with you or who don’t treat you right, just because you want in a relationship. If you find yourself in and out of relationships that you are rarely truly happy in, you may be a serial monogamist. True, relationships usually don’t work because one or more parties aren’t fully happy but, if you find yourself never happy and not knowing why, this is definitely a problem you need to address before starting yet another commited relationship.