Realising that your boyfriend is not ready to commit is always a disappointment. You’ve spent your time and effort in building this relationship only to realise it is not going anywhere. In truth, it is better to know that sooner rather than later. Here are 10 signs you’ll want to look out for if you think he is not ready to commit.
You should always be wary of a romantic partner who does not wish to discuss the future with you. It is an immediate red flag that they may not picture you as part of their future. If they do not want to acknowledge that the relationship could become more serious in the future, they are not going to commit to you. You do not need to be discussing marriage on the first date—but if you are looking for a forever relationship, you need to tell him. If he is not interested in that, he will make it clear.
Obviously, it is not normal to say ‘I love you’ on the first date—unless you are Ted from How I Met Your Mother. That said, eventually, you will want your relationship to become one based on love and not lust. If your partner is not willing to say I love you even after you have been together a fair amount of time, he is probably never going to say it. You could hold on and hope that things change in time, but the reality is that he likely just does not have as strong feelings for you as you hope he does.
Men do have a habit of talking about their exes a lot—usually because they want you to know why their previous relationships went wrong. However, if they keep talking about one particular ex and become wistful and nostalgic about them, chances are they have not moved on. Someone who still has feelings for an ex is not ready to commit fully to someone else. It is not fair on you to feel as though you need to be better than a woman you have never even met. Cut your losses and allow him to figure out his feelings on his own.
Flaky people do not generally make committed partners. If your boyfriend never arranges any dates for you and you are constantly having to hound him to get him to spend time with you, he is not fully invested in the relationship. Likewise, if you make plans and he forgets or chooses not to show up, that is a clear sign that you are not a priority in his life.
Nobody should ever put pressure on their partner to do anything, but it is not unreasonable to want to define the relationship so you know where you stand. If having this conversation leads to your man saying he feels “pressured,” it is a major red flag. If simply acknowledging that the person he is spending all his time with is actually his girlfriend is enough to make him feel uncomfortable, he is not ready to commit to you and never will be.
Relationships are all about compromise. Whether it’s choosing to eat a different restaurant when you are not in the mood for the same food or rearranging your plans to work around each other’s schedules, you should always be willing to compromise for your partner. If he will not do this, or—even worse—becomes angry at the idea, he is not commitment material.
When you are in a relationship, it is natural to want your partner to meet your friends and family. You want their approval and for them to support your choice of partner. You also would like him to integrate into your social circle so it is not awkward if you bring him to gatherings. If he is not willing to do this, he is not ready to commit.
Likewise, he should want to introduce you to his friends and family. If he truly cared about you, he would want to show you off to everyone and have them see what a fantastic girlfriend he has found! If he does not want to do that, ask yourself why. Why would he not want you around his family? Is it because he has no plans for the relationship to last?
If he can’t commit to the other areas of his life, what makes you think he will commit to your relationship? People who drop out of clubs, can’t keep up a gym membership, and never complete their projects are generally not committed people—and this will extend to your relationship, too. If he walks away every time he loses interest in something, it is only a matter of time until he walks away from you.
You should definitely be concerned if your boyfriend is not being his true self. Whether that is hiding facts about himself, purposely showing you his good side and never allowing you to see him when he is unhappy, or intentionally acting like the person you want him to be rather than who he is. All of those things are a tell-tale sign that he is not ready to commit. People do not act that way around someone they fully trust and want to be with. Be aware of this behaviour and deal with it when you see it.