All throughout high school, I was always the single one in my friend group. I would hear my two best friends talk about Valentine’s Day with their boyfriends like it was this big deal. I never understood why until in college when I had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. I want to make it known that one does not have to have sex on Valentine’s Day if that person isn’t ready to. However, if it is the time you are ready to have sex, here are some sex tips to make sure that your first Valentine’s Day is a memorable one.
1. Don’t over think it
I remember I thought my first Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend was this big deal because I was always single on Valentine’s Day before. So, I built it up in my head and when things didn’t go exactly according to plan, I was disappointed or let down. Valentine’s Day isn’t any different as a regular Tuesday night when you and your significant other decide to have sex. Make plans and just go with the flow. The best and worst things in life come unexpected. Also, if you are too busy overthinking every move you and your SO makes on that day, your nerves increase with every thought. Just go with the flow and be comfortable.
2. Have the place to yourself
This is important. You don’t want to be in the moment, getting all hot and heavy and all the sudden you hear the door knob turn, the door opens, your roommate, friends, or god forbid your parents walk in and catch you half/full on naked with your SO. Later in life you’d laugh about it looking back on it. However, it really kills the mood in the moment. Make sure you have the place to your self and uninterrupted. Make sure you mention to your house people that you need the place to yourself for the night, or that you’ll be occupied for a certain amount of time and that they should be aware of that. Besides having the place to yourself, also turn your phone off and be in the moment. It is a time dedicated to the two of you. Shut off the outside world for at least 12 hours. You won’t be distracted.
3. Communication is KEY
This is extremely important especially when it comes to having sex. I feel as though when it comes to sex, people freak out or get embarrassed when it comes to talking about what they like and don’t like. Yes, you will see your SO naked (sometimes you don’t). Yes, body parts naked look weird. Now that we got over the fact that a naked body looks weird, we can move on to the whole point of sex: to feel good (human physical connection, and just being in the moment with someone).
Sex should feel good. Your SO cannot read your mind. You don’t have to be awkward about it. If you don’t let your SO know what you like in bed, they won’t do it how you like it, and you guys will both be unsatisfied. Honestly, your partner won’t judge you if you like a certain sex act. Just let all the insecurities and anxieties go. One way to do that is guide your partners hands over your body and let them get to know you. If you like what they are doing to you, let them know and vice versa. Also, when your partner is doing that, close your eyes and solely focus on how you feel. Trust me, coming from someone who laughs and turns red every time I voiced what I liked with my then boyfriend, in the moment, all that mattered was that I communicated. All my anxiety and embarrassment went out the window when I heard my then boyfriend tell me, “Oh, good to know.”
4. Don’t be afraid to mix it up/experiment
This is kind of self explanatory. If you and your SO already had sex for the first time, and Valentine’s Day isn’t any special, try something new. I would suggest role playing or adding some kink to it. You’ll might find out something new about yourself and your partner.
5. Confidence is important
I know how it feels to not feel comfortable in your own skin. It is a huge mood killer to not like your naked body. That is why I don’t have sex with a guy until I feel comfortable enough to be naked in front of them. But, girl, I’m here to tell you you are sexy. Own it.
There’s nothing hotter/sexier than confidence. Do what you got to do to get you in that confidence place. For me, I hard core jam to Halsey or Demi Lovato and do awesome hair flips. I put on the stiletto heels and walk around my house in my underwear and shake my ass to Demi Lovato telling me to be confident. Own it.
6. Go shopping/Dress up
This goes with the confidence. If you don’t own stilettos or any sort of outfit that makes you feel confident, and you aren’t super broke like I am, I would go to Victoria Secret or any other store and try on some clothes that make you feel sexy. If you are wearing clothes that make you feel sexy, it’ll put you in the best mood. Trust me. You’ll feel the best when you wear what makes you feel sexy.
7. Set the mood
When I was still with my boyfriend, he loved my twinkly lights in my room. I’d turn off the lights and turn on my twinkly lights and it would set a romantic mood. As cliche as it sounds, lighting candles, putting flowers everywhere, dimming the lights helps put your focus more on the moment than the outside world around you and your SO. But don’t forget about the candles if you set them. You don’t want to set your house or apartment or dorm room on fire. That would be bad.
8. Plan a trip
If you feel like you and your SO are in a rut, plan a trip to a different place. Switch it up and go on vacation. Different scenery helps with your sex life entirely. Change the pace and do something different.
9. Safety first
I’m totally going to sound like a mom, but safety is important. It sounds straight forward, but people lack sex education. If you do not want to have a baby, contraception is your friend. Birth control and condoms are important. They protect against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Also, when it comes to sex there shouldn’t be any pressure. If your SO is pressuring you to do something you don’t want to do or aren’t comfortable to do, that’s a huge red flag and you need to get out of that situation immediately. Alcohol is fun to drink with your SO. However, if you or your partner are blackout drunk they cannot consent to sex. Safety comes first. Safety is sexy.
10. Make it fun
Sex is supposed to be fun. It’s the best if your partner is someone you can be yourself with because it means you are comfortable enough to poke fun at each other. Naked bodies are weird looking. Sex is weird, people make weird sounds. If you are comfortable enough, laugh and poke fun at each other. Make it fun and figure it out together.