Relationships are not without their struggles. When the honeymoon phase as faded you can often be exposed to behaviours from your significant other you hadn’t noticed before that might shatter the rose tinted glass. You guys are different people with views and opinions unique to you and so sometimes any clashes and arguments are focal points to work on. However if you’re at conflict more than you are at peace or find yourself uncomfortable, those are red flags and signs that you should probably reassess your relationship. Here are 10 relationship red flags to look out for.
1. When you rationalise their nonsense.
Optimism and positivity are excellent qualities to possess, however there are huge relationship red flags being waved about when you start to rationalise their excuses, bad habits or actions. If they only see you on the weekends, take you on dates in obscure places, leave you on read for longer than what’s acceptable or talk to you like you’re one of their mates over the phone, there may be a problem. Sometimes repeating what they’ve said out loud to yourself or to a friend can help you make sense of things. They might be getting away with a lot and you may be enabling their behaviour by not paying mind to it or bringing it up.
2. When They Only Have Negative Things To Say About Their Ex.
You may initially interpret this as a good sign. They’re not ever getting back together with their ex. Things may not have ended in the best way between them, but that kind of anger and negativity definitely isn’t attractive. It begs the question, what are they telling people about you when you fight or have an argument?
3. When They Have Nothing But Good Things to Say About Their Ex.
Conversely, them only having good things to say about their ex is a little bit unsettling and a bit of a relationship red flag. It’s a surefire sign your SO is not over their ex. Breaking up on good terms is very admirable, but not if your SO sounds like they’re still not over it. You should never feel like a placeholder for your SO’s ex. If they broke up because the other party had to move away, who’s to say they won’t get back together if they come back? You don’t need this.
4. When They Make No Effort On Dates.
Being tight on money is one thing, making no effort to dress up or suggest anything nice or fun is another. Depending on the date, casual clothing and athleisure-wear are perfect, but spending the evening at a nice restaurant, almost requires them – even with your expectations – to dress up and look their best. If you’ve noticed they’ve stopped making an effort to look good for you, despite all of yours, speak up and let them know how you feel.
5. They Don’t Want to Talk Things Through.
Communication is key, in all aspects of life. We’re social creatures. Some couples can get by without talking and only spend their time being physical, however those aren’t serious romantic relationships. If your partner doesn’t want to talk with you, what else is there to a relationship? Getting to know someone fosters intimacy and understanding, therefore not talking can make a lot of problems seem bigger than they are, creating miscommunication. Arguments bring out the worst in us, but not wanting to resolve them shows lack of emotional maturity on their side. Definite red flag.
6. You Can’t Go to Their Place – Unless They Live With Their Parents.
This has everything to do with cleanliness and being open with each other. What is there to hide? Do they hoard newspapers? Are they still living with their ex? Red flag!! There’s a lot to this one. If they’re only coming over to your house or booking hotels that could be the sign of a secret or a problem. Or it’s because they live with their parents. Maybe they’re ashamed of their roommates, or maybe they’re ashamed of you. It could be due to the thinness of the walls or maybe it’s a house rule, “no SOs over” unless you make a pact not to be intimate while you visit, out of respect to the others.
7. When You Can Only Go Over to Their Place.
This is also a problem. It puts them in a huge position of power and it’s lazy, especially if you guys haven’t been out much; that isn’t much effort on their behalf. If you guys like being cosy and are on a budget, this is all good, but if you don’t want to move into that territory so quickly then it is a problem that must be discussed. Being at their place and very quickly lead to being in a situation you may not feel the most comfortable in. They may pressure you, another huge relationship red flag.
8. When They Lock Their Phone, Put It On Airplane Mode or Leave It Faced Down Whenever You’re Around.
Locking your phone, turning off your notification or leaving your phone faced down on a date can be a wonderful thing. You and your date want to give each other your undivided attention. But if this happens when you aren’t on a date, shopping for example, this is quite peculiar. Again, they might be harbouring secrets. There’s probably something they don’t want you to know. If it’s apparent that they’re always busy and they don’t have a work phone, it might be wise to bring it up. Their defensiveness or odd answers might be a red flag.
9. They Don’t Let You Go on Nights Out.
This could be coming from a place of concern or complete selfishness and lack of trust on their end. If they don’t trust you to go out and have a good time without doing anything that may upset them, or dress up to go out with your friends, that is a huge relationship red flag. You may have different sets of friends, which is healthy. It’s also reasonable for you to both go out on Friday nights separately so long as you don’t do anything to ruin your relationship. If they can go out and you can’t, that is an interesting double-standard and very hypocritical! Not being allowed to go out may also be a sign of abuse, which is illegal. So, if this has happened or is happening to you, speak to either a friend or a professional as soon as you can.
10. If They Have a Car and There’s Makeup on The Passenger Mirror – That Isn’t Yours.
This relationship red flag might seem far-fetched, but it’s the biggest one; cheating. Depending on how long you’ve been dating or how long your SO has had their car, the only make-up on the mirror in the sun shield should be yours. This is a trick anyone who wears foundation does to make it known there has been a ‘sensual’ presence in the car. If you’ve never done it, while your SO is either busy or not in their car, check the mirror. If there’s a mark there, someone is marking their territory and your SO is not being honest.