A shift toward hookup culture has lead many to characterize American culture as superficial and immoral. Delving into the world of dating apps can feel hopeless. For people on the losing end of the dating world, it’s easy to become cynical and hateful toward the culture. However, your nonexistent sex life may have more to do with the image you’re presenting. With that, here are thirteen reasons your sex life is nonexistent.
1. Your Tinder Bio Is Long And Boring
Don’t present a dull, polished image of yourself out of a fear you’ll repel people. From what I’ve gathered, there’s definitely a few recurrent patterns in good dating profiles. The most prominent of all is concision. Brevity is important when Tinder users are accustomed to swiping left. Provide a simple, yet interesting bio. Don’t add any unnecessary details. A Tinder profile should provide a true and abridged version of yourself. The concision is partly for short attention spans, but it’s also important for generating intrigue before the first date. Tinder users shouldn’t know everything about you.
2. You Use Cliche’s
Everyone thinks they’re fairly humble, but in truth most people are quite arrogant. Besides my disbelief when you say you’re a “down to earth guy”, the phrase has no potency. On the other hand, calling yourself a friendless faggot does. It typifies you as someone who’s comfortable with self-deprecation. Irrespective of whether you think it’s funny, it isn’t just bland words mashed together in a meaningless sentence. If nothing else, it catches your attention.
3. Braggadocio Isn’t Cute
Conversely, some people seem to think that if they flaunting wealth, power or prestige that they’ll win their date over. This is rarely the case. Though most people are a bit conceited, they’re also naturally intimidated by hubris. Telling someone that you have a 4.0 won’t win them over. Most people will just assume you think you’re superior to them regardless of their own GPA.
In some ways, this mistake relates to braggadocio, but it’s much less intentional. Boastful dates believe they’re ingratiating themselves to you by impressing. People who are naturally intimidating do not. Someone who has an imposing presence usually doesn’t mean to intimidate the people around them. Nonetheless, they do. And that’s a major detriment to their sex life. If nothing else is extracted from this list, remember that every move and every word you say to your date should be deliberate. No, that’s not to say you should be insincere. Rather, the outward should accurately convey the inward. If you’re enjoying the date, warmly express that. I myself tend to be monotone, so I certainly am familiar with the struggle. But again, every move and every word should be deliberate, yet honest.
5. Too Sexual
Constantly steering the conversation toward sex will likely make the other person feel objectified. Even if it’s disingenuous, the other person wants to feel as though the meeting isn’t purely sexual. You may be the exception to the rule, but don’t think that you can eschew conversation. Talk to the other person, and make them feel comfortable. Whether you’re looking for a relationship or not, make your date feel wanted. That’s really just basic human decency, but sometimes sexual desire thwarts reason.
6. Overly Picky
Studies have shown that couples typically have similar levels of facial symmetry. Put simply, most couples have around the same level of attractiveness. We should embrace the superficiality of sex. If you’re searching for a person based on a high level of facial symmetry, don’t expect your dream crush to want you for your personality. Yes, finding a stable relationship requires digging beyond the surface. But if you’re wanting to get laid, don’t expect your fuck buddy to be more conventionally attractive than you.
7. You’re Obnoxious
There is no problem with being gregarious and outspoken, but neither of those words are synonymous with obnoxious. All too often, anxiety makes us vomit out obnoxious comments during first dates. Avoid saying everything that’s on your mind. Even during the first date, you want to maintain some degree of mystery. Additionally, don’t attempt to shock the other person with your zany personality. Your date is much more likely to like the real you than some exaggerated, unpredictable version.
8. Stop Appealing To Their Prejudices
Never let your date’s views dictate your own. Both men and women want you to have a mind of your own. Again, people can easily spot insincerity. Disagreeing with your date is fine as long as you’re respectful of their views. Developed, strong opinions are sexy. Vapid people who are easily swayed are not. Be willing to speak your mind in spite of your date’s views.
9. You’re Too Coy
This one is especially common among women. Women tend to think that coyness is attractive, and they’re somewhat right about that. Studies have shown that men prefer Asian women. Not because they’re innately more attractive than other women, but because they’re naturally seen as more demure. Whether this stereotype is true or not, the studies prove that most men prefer a meek as opposed to a domineering female aura. However, both men and women are skilled at seeing through bullshit. A performance is going to be instantly off putting to most men. Therefore, just be yourself, women.
10. You’re Too Manly
Similar to men, most women can quickly spot feigned manliness. Deepening your voice and inflating your chest isn’t going to win her over. It’s just going to come across as cringe worthy. Yes, most women are into a masculine aura, but a spurious performance will repel them much more quickly than a high pitched voice. So just be genuine. A deeper voice won’t improve your sex life.
11. Too Anxious
Nerves during a first date are perfectly understandable. You should just work to conceal them as best you can. Most people aren’t exactly turned off by nerves in my experience. Your date is probably just as nervous as you are. But when nerves are very transparent, that’s when they become distracting. Your date will just notice your tremulous voice, not who you are as a person. So try your best to stifle those nerves and be yourself.
12. Too Professional
Outside of first dates, if every interaction you have consist of discussing business matter, you’re probably more complex than you’re leading on. This isn’t to say that every interaction should turn personal. Your boss doesn’t want to know about your nonexistent sex life. Instead, you should slowly and organically direct the conversation to the similarities and differences between you and a potential date.
13. Facial Symmetry
Many studies have shown that facial symmetry has a direct correlation to perceived attractiveness. I list this not to make you feel despondent, but to remind you of the harsh reality of sex. Fortunately, there are many people with a range of faces that are probably extremely attracted to you. In addition, I’ve found that many people are much more attractive than they believe themselves to be. Photos tend to be unflattering for various reasons.