One of the hardest parts of a breakup is not having the comfort of knowing you have someone that you can always talk to and rely on. It’s difficult to go from talking to someone every day and then having them suddenly torn from your life. However, it is in your best interest to completely cut off contact with your ex. Here are 5 reasons you really shouldn’t talk to your ex-boyfriend after a breakup.
1. You aren’t together anymore.
Everything happens for a reason. No matter what the cause of the breakup was, there was a reason behind it. It probably was for the best. It may be hard but you need to accept that the relationship is over. If you were the one who got broken up with, it’s normal to want to talk to your ex-boyfriend and want to try and convince him that he made a mistake. However, most likely, the conversations won’t go as you plan and you’ll just end up upset. Even if you tell each other you’re just going to be friends and you’re okay with it, part of you will still crave being together again and going back to the way things once were. But the truth is you all aren’t together anymore and you can’t go back and time and talk the way you used to. That’s why being friends with your ex-boyfriend is not the best idea, especially right after a breakup, when the wounds are still fresh and you still need time to heal without him in your life. If you keep talking to him, it means part of you is still clinging on to false hope that you will get back together and you’ll both be happy as can be. Once you accept that you guys are done for good, it will be much easier to move on.
2. You’re giving him more power.
The more you reach out to your ex, the more you are feeding his ego. Texting or talking to him will make it seem like you need him in your life and you can’t live without him. When in reality, you are probably so much better without him being involved in your life. Whether you left or he left, he wasn’t the right person for you and you deserve someone better. If you keep talking to him, he’ll feel like he has all this power over your life and you’re basically giving him control over you. You are better than that. As women, we can’t let men take hold of our lives. You are an independent, strong woman that doesn’t need a man in her life to prove her worth. The more you stop talking to him and looking at his social media posts, you’ll start to feel more in control of your own life and then he’ll be jealous of you being so happy without him. He is just one person so don’t let him have so much of a hold over you. Go out and do something that you enjoy instead of picking up the phone to talk to him again.
3. It won’t bring you closure.
I went through a really rough breakup where he left me and I felt powerless and confused. I just wanted to know why he left and what went wrong. I kept wanting to reach out to him because I thought that was the only way I could get closure over our relationship. However, someone close to me told me that you’ll never be able to find closure in the other person; closure comes within yourself. You can keep bombarding the other person with questions and trying to get a response out of them as to what happened, but you’ll never get the answers to give you complete closure. Finding closure is a process that only involves you. Closure is an inner-journey that could involve forgiveness (to yourself and your ex), letting go, and most importantly finding yourself again and your strength to move on from your ex and that chapter of your life. Most of the time when people are searching for closure from their ex, they really are just looking for an excuse to talk to them one more time or see them again. That will only prevent you from truly healing and letting go of the relationship and moving forward with your life.
4. It will either bring up past conflicts or create new ones.
Let’s say you are texting with your ex-boyfriend and just having a friendly conversation, right up until he brings up the girl he’s friends with who you hate. The past always comes back to haunt us. Your problems didn’t just magically disappear when you guys broke up; they still exist and most likely won’t go away. Talking to each other, especially right after a breakup, will just bring up existing problems again and cause more fights. Someone will end up hurt again. Even if you both got back together, the problems would still be there and nothing can really change that. Maybe it’s time that you decide to leave the past in the past and keep moving forward and you can’t do that if your past problems with your ex keep blocking your path. I know people say that time heals, but even if you tried talking again, something would trigger one of you and it would start a whole new conflict.
5. It will prevent you from new relationships.
If you keep talking to your ex, you’re stopping yourself from meeting someone potentially great. He’s not the only man in the world; there are so many better men who are willing to give you the world and treat you like the queen that you are. It may seem like your ex was the perfect person for you and you’ll never find someone like him again, but you’ll find someone even better! The end of a relationship just means you’re one person closer to finding the person you are meant to be with. Open yourself up to the possibility of love again even though it may be scary. Your ex wasn’t the right person for you and you won’t be able to meet someone new if you keep talking to him. Besides if you do start dating someone new, wouldn’t it be weird if you found out they were still talking to their ex?
Going through a breakup is a grieving process and one that can only happen if you stop talking to your ex. Trust me it’s for the best. Over time, you will eventually heal and become stronger and have more love towards yourself than you even had towards your ex.
Were any of these helpful to you? Let us know in the comments below!
Caitlyn is a third-year student at UCLA. She is majoring in English. She enjoys writing, and going to hot yoga classes and, of course, binge-watching Netflix. At UCLA, Caitlyn is a feature writer for HER Campus, part of the American Cancer Society club, and a member of Alpha Gamma Delta.