There’s nothing as annoying as a dark, silent phone when you’re anxious to hear back from someone. Sure, it can be fun waiting for that text but it can also be sad and excruciating as it takes longer and longer to come. As much as we all might want to send that angry response you’ve already drafted in your notes or just throw the phone against the wall, it’s helpful to think of the understandable possibilities before getting yourself worked up over all the bad ones. Here are 10 reasons why he might not be texting you back to consider, so you can move onto the next option and stop getting stuck on a dead end.
1. He’s too busy
Sometimes that’s just the way it goes. Maybe he has a demanding school or work schedule right now, and he can’t devote enough time to fully pursue a relationship. If this is the case, it’s best you’re not getting too attached through texting anyway. Nobody wants to be that girl having to beg her SO for attention. But be careful. This line can often be a cop-out. Does it really take that much time and energy to send a text message? Whatever the answer, you’ll do best to let this one go.
2. He’s got a lot of girls on the line
It may sound bad, but before exclusivity is established, it’s normal and understandable for someone to be dating several people at once. It’s all about getting to know people. There’s nothing wrong with it as long as neither party has a reason to expect you’re exclusive, you’re not being rude, and you’re respecting people’s boundaries. If he’s dealing with a lot of girls, he may be struggling to keep up with them all. Be patient and maybe you’ll make a stronger connection. On the other hand, if that makes you uncomfortable, you should probably look for someone else.
3. He’s not interested in anything serious
People go through periods of time where they just don’t feel motivated to be in a relationship. If someone forces themselves into something they’re not ready for, it rarely works out. Be open about what you’re looking for and if he doesn’t feel on the same page, it’s better for the both of you to know and move on.
4. He doesn’t want to waste your time
This is actually a kind of nice reason for someone to not be texting you back. Sure, it would be a lot better if they would just text you and tell you they’re not responding because they don’t want to waste your time and get your hopes up, but ghosting is a common technique these days, even for the most well-intentioned. Maybe he’s too uncertain about himself or his life right now to be committed in any way to another person, and he doesn’t want to keep you hanging around hoping for something special while he may or may not figure it out.
5. He’s just not feeling it
You’re not going to match perfectly with everyone you date and they’re not going to all fall in love with you. As much as we want everyone to adore us, that’s not how it works. Maybe after the first few interactions, he’s decided he just doesn’t feel a connection, but he doesn’t want to be the jerk who hurts your feelings by telling you that. While healthy communication is usually the best solution for everyone, this is a help me help you type situation. Unless you really need to know what happened, there’s no reason to make him tell you he’s not into you. But if you want some answers or think you should both give it another go, be forward and let him know what’s up.
6. He’s terrible at texting
Sorry to stereotype, but boys (and some girls!) often do not “get” texting. They think they’re too busy or it’s too much work or they’re just not into it. In my opinion, this is also often used as an excuse. I’m a firm believer that if texting is important to you and a guy really likes you or wants to get to know you, he’ll put in the effort. But it’s still important to note that it doesn’t come naturally to many guys. If you’re the kind of girl who needs frequent text correspondence, let the guy know you need that response in order to know he’s interested and hopefully he’ll make more of an effort. If he doesn’t, then maybe he’s not for you.
7. He thinks he needs to play hard to get
Unfortunately, a lot of people still try to play games when they start dating or talking to a person. They neg you, they go from adoring to completely silent for periods of time. They try to play hard to get. It’s exhausting, but maybe he’s not texting back because he thinks this is how the game is played in order to get the girl. Let him know it feels like he’s not interested and you’re getting ready to move on unless he’s straight with you. Hopefully, he’ll switch gears after that.
8. He’s afraid to get too attached
Maybe he’s the one who feels like you’re not interested! A lot of times as girls we are scared to come off as too needy or too available in case it sends the guy packing. If you’re the one playing hard to get, he could be scared to pay you too much attention, only to get burned. Be sure that you yourself are interested and that you’re giving off those signs, rather than being too aloof. A balance of initiating texts between the two of you will show an equal interest.
9. He’s not over someone else
We all have people in the past we struggled to let go of even as we were working to move on. Maybe as much as he wants to be going on new dates and meeting new people, he’s still hung up on an old flame that keeps pulling him back in. They might still be on and off, or maybe he just can’t get her out of his head. Try to engage in open, honest conversation with him and if that’s the case, give him space and time to heal without getting yourself too attached to someone who isn’t fully available yet.
10. He’s nervous about getting involved
There are always extenuating circumstances in our messy lives. Maybe he’s not ready or maybe he feels like you aren’t. He could be not responding because you have a sticky situation or past–an upcoming move, a complicated ex–that makes him nervous to become committed. If this is the case, make sure you’re both ready to engage in a relationship and talk about your fears and holdups. It’s not going to work unless the situation is out in the open, and honest discussion is the best way to do that.
Texting is tricky. There are layers of tone and subtext easily lost over those little messages on your phone. If texting is important to you and you find yourself frequently getting ignored by the guy you’re interested in, assess the situation. Maybe his life is too complicated right now. Maybe he’s trying to let you down easy. Or maybe he’s just not a texter. If you’ve done all you can to let him know you’re interested, give yourself a break and take the silent hint. Or if you need answers, ask him directly what’s going on. If he doesn’t respond to that text, then you really know it’s time to delete that number.