There are many gray areas between men and women that neither understand but always wonder. Men and women seem so different from each other, in various ways. But when you get down to the nitty-gritty and really think about it, despite our obvious contrasts, we aren’t that different at all. We are all human. Men and women simply have different ways of expressing themselves and what they feel, which can understandably seem foreign to the opposite gender. I took it upon myself to ask my male friends “what do you not understand about women?” And I, in turn, have contemplated the best answers I can come up with. Keep reading for 20 questions men have for women, and the answers behind them!
1. “Why do girls say they don’t want gifts or flowers if they actually do?”
Of course we wouldn’t mind flowers and gifts. Any small token symbolizing love or appreciation towards us is never unwanted. (Unless you’re a weird psycho who doesn’t know when to quit.) Why do girls say they don’t want surprise flowers and/or gifts? Well, probably because you asked them in the first place. Girls love receiving these things, but if we tell you to send them, doesn’t that ruin the point? No woman wants to be “that girl” who expects gifts or orders their boyfriend to send them surprise flowers.
2. “Why do girls get so much satisfaction out of cuddling?”
First of all, you guys are really comfortable. Your arms are like body pillows and you are our personal space heaters when we are cold. (Which is, like, 90% of the time.) But above all that, being held gives us a sense of security and comfort.
3. “Why do girls like to use their own shampoo even if you have some available for them to borrow?”
If only you knew how much thought goes into picking out the right types of shampoo and conditioner (not to mention other hair products we also need). Especially if your hair falls below your shoulders, you need to take really good care of it. There is shampoo to maintain whichever color you dye your hair with, shampoo to help with humidity, shampoo to enhance curls or help keep your strands straight, extra moisturizing shampoo, volumizing shampoo…you get the point. On top of that there are different brands at different prices. We put a lot of care into finding the ones that work best for us and our hair needs, why ruin that?
4. “Why do girls complain about food, but enjoy it so much?”
Of course women enjoy food so much. It tastes good. Why do some complain about what they’ve eaten even if they enjoy it? I believe that based on recent trends in society there is a pressure for women to maintain a slender and smaller figure than, say, the average man. (Which, anatomically is usually the case anyway.) But, sometimes after we devour a large plate of food, all we feel is regret. Sometimes I even find myself feeling guilty, which is just ridiculous. If a girl is complaining about how much food she just ate, it’s possible she’s complaining about the guilt trip that she’s going to give herself later on.
Tip: If you ever comment on how much your girlfriend eats, she will probably dump you the next day for someone who doesn’t.
5. “Why are girls so passive aggressive and hold grudges?”
I will admit, I don’t understand the passive aggressiveness that much, either. But you’re telling me no guy holds grudges? I find that a little hard to believe… I understand men usually deal with their issues physically or confrontationally and just get it over with. Well, if we tried to do that, wouldn’t you just intervene and try to pull us apart from each other anyway?
6. “Why do girls go to the bathroom together?”
I was waiting for someone to ask me this. I find it so funny that this confuses so many men. You know what’s confusing to me? Why men go to the bathroom literally right next to each other with no stall or divider between the urinals. Cozy. No, we are not conspiring in some secret underground grotto when we ask each other to go to the bathroom together. Chances are we just want the company while we wait in line or need to reapply the lipstick our friend brought.
Tip: If you are talking to a girl and her friend comes up to her and says she “needs” her to accompany her to the bathroom, chances are she’s doing it on purpose to save her friend from talking to you. Think about it: would a girl steal her best friend away from a guy if she was clearly enjoying talking to him? Probably not.
7. “Why do girls say they ‘hate girls?'”
They probably just mean they can’t stand the way women operate at times, or how most girls operate. (We say we “hate” men too at times, yet here we are.) To say we “hate” girls is clearly an exaggeration…we don’t hate ourselves…? But we can say we hate the way girls interact with each other (think passive-aggressiveness), handle situations, act, etc.
8. “Why do girls spend so much time getting ready?”
Uhh…to look good for you? To make ourselves feel good? Trust me, every single women in the world wishes she could snap her fingers and be dressed to the nines in a split second. It isn’t exactly fun to have to shave our entire bodies, deep condition our hair, blow dry our hair, style our hair, paint our nails, apply our makeup, and pick out an outfit and jewelry each day. Oh how we envy the man that can shower with only a bar of soap, throw on khakis and a button down and call it a day. Must be nice.
9. “What happens behind closed doors of a sorority?”
Do you really want me to reveal that and crush all your wildest dreams? Dark magic happens behind closed doors of a sorority. Dark, dark magic…
10. “Why do girls scream and jump up and down when they see each other?”
Sometimes we just get so excited to see a friend we haven’t seen in a while that we let out a little expression of happiness. Why do athletes smack each other’s ass during a game or lasso themselves into a handshake and slap each other in the back?
11. “Why do girls ask if they look OK when you know there’s clearly only one right answer?”
When a girl asks you if she looks OK, just understand that what she is really saying is something along the lines of, “I want you to know that I don’t feel 100% confident in how I look at the moment, and I am kinda stressed out about it.”
12. “What’s the big deal with leaving the toilet seat up?”
If men had different anatomy, and didn’t have the luxury of peeing while standing up, then they would understand. But until you have staggered half asleep into the bathroom at 3 am in pitch darkness, only to fall what feels like 10 feet into a deep basin of iced-cold toilet bowl water, completely submerging yourself, you couldn’t possibly understand. As much as we love having to directly touch a toilet seat every time we need to use the bathroom, we would really appreciate it if you could take the one second to put the seat down for us.
13. “What do you keep in those large bottomless pit handbags?”
Anything we could possibly need. Our wallet, phone, keys, makeup, tide-to-go-sticks, gum, perfume, hand sanitizer, tissues, a brush, lotion, pens, Tylenol, birth control, umbrella, phone charger, tampons, chapstick. All readily available to us whenever you-I mean, we- need it. Not a bad idea, right?
14. “Why are girls bad at directions?”
I am perfectly aware there are some lucky ladies out there who are completely fine at following directions. If you are like me at all, however, you can’t find your way out of a paper bag. When someone is explaining to me how to get somewhere I am usually tuning them out because I know I will just use my GPS anyway. Who has time to remember to “hop on 95 to get to 109 then take that road to I-97 and then that to Route 26 which merges into interstate 49?” I’m sorry, what?
15. “What’s the best pick up line?”
This is where I suggest men to tread lightly. Why is this so difficult to understand? Women don’t expect a riddle or Shakespeare soliloquy every time you want to approach us in a bar. In fact, we just find it weird and annoying. I guarantee that if you walk up to a woman, introduce yourself, and ask to buy her a drink, she won’t say no. Unless she’s cruel, she won’t just walk away with her drink either. This gives you ample time to get to know her and possibly give a good lasting impression before she finishes her drink. It’s just a kind gesture, and a girl will acknowledge this, trust me.
16. “What does it feel like to have your period?”
It can feel different depending on the week. At best, you just don’t feel like yourself. You crave sugar or junk food more often than not. You’re cranky, irritable, and constantly feel as if you’re in the recovery stages of a bad stomach bug. At its worst, you are kneeling on the floor rocking back and forth cradling yourself because it feels as if someone is taking a pumpkin carving tool and scraping around inside your lower intestines.
17. “Do you always expect us to pay for dinner?”
Quite the opposite, actually. I don’t think it’s fair if a woman expects a man to pay for the whole meal, all the time. But if you were the one to ask her out, then isn’t it sort of your responsibility to at least offer to cover the bill anyway? If a guy doesn’t offer to pay on the first date, it’s super awkward for us. In the past I have immediately whipped my credit card out while on a date, just to avoid that awkward feeling.
Tip: Just suck it up and front the first date. Then, if there is a second or third date, wait for her to pull out her card too, throw both of them in the receipt book, and start talking about something else. If she doesn’t offer her card also, try to make a light joke out of the situation. “Oh, you must only like me because I always buy you dinner.” (If she is the type of girl who never offers to pay then maybe you shouldn’t take her out so much anyway…)
18. “Does size matter?”
Well, of course it matters. It’s not like it’s something completely irrelevant that we don’t notice. That being said, there are plenty of men out there with a kickstand who don’t know the motion of the ocean, and isn’t that a waste. It really all depends on the situation. It usually isn’t a deal breaker either way, it depends on the person and the relationship. How much does the size of girl’s boobs matter to you?
19. “Why do you have so many shoes?”
Well, we could wear our gym sneakers with our sundress, but you wouldn’t like that either. Again, trust me, we wish we could just wear a basic sneaker or dress shoe every other day, but you would probably find that odd, if you really think about it. Shoes are just as much of our outfits as a shirt or dress is.
20. “Why do you say you’re OK when you’re really not?”
(Similar to #1)…If you have to ask us if we are OK, then don’t you know the answer already anyway? For example, if we are on a roller coaster at an amusement park screaming and laughing with our hands in the air you’re not going to turn to me and ask “Are you OK?” You only ask us this if you can sense something is wrong. I mean, this isn’t rocket science… If you have to ask if we are OK – chances are, “no, we are definitely not OK.” Why do we sometimes say yes if we really aren’t OK when you ask us? It could be because we are not OK but we know we will be OK and get over it in a short period of time. It could also be because although we are not OK, we know talking to you about it may not help the situation, or it may be too difficult for you to understand. OR, it could be because we are not OK for a reason that we feel should be BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS to you and are hurt that you’re not picking up on the clues.
Tip: If you really don’t know why a girl is feeling upset, and you feel like she isn’t OK even if she shrugs you off saying she is fine, let her know you are there for her if she needs you, whenever she is ready to talk about what’s bothering her. Say this, and whatever issue will probably cease immediately.
What are some other questions men have for women that you would like answered? Comment below and share this article with a friend.
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Anisia is an editor for Society19. She studied English Literature and Journalism Media at the University of New Hampshire and Regent's College London, UK.