Although campus is filled with tons of people… you’re pretty much guaranteed to run into these 10 types of people at FSU!
1. The Frat Star.
Not to be confused with an average frat guy, the frat star considers himself above the rest. He will refer to non-Greeks as GDI’s plebes or peasants and walks around campus with an air of completely unwarranted confidence. You can spot him wearing a tank top to class and no shirt to the bars (it gets really hot in bars though so that’s understandable).
The one place you will not see this guy is in class… except for the first week and review week. Despite outward appearances, he pulls off solid grades via the ADHD pills he borrows to study.
This guy may be seen luring naive freshman to the house for parties much to the dismay of their high school boyfriends. He is why the “girls night out” is the bane of said boyfriends’ existence. He is the reason long distance won’t work and he embraces it shamelessly. Despite his outward appearance he is a loyal friend and is one of the reasons why FSU is what it is. One of the best party schools in America!
2. Florida State University’s Sorority Princess.
She was the hottest and most popular girl in her high school and now is surrounded by hundreds of girls just like her. She’s used to getting all the attention at home and now nobody really seems to care. The harsh reality of her situation is that FSU is filled with so many beautiful women that it doesn’t even matter. These girls can be seen in flocks rocking an over-sized t-shirt and running shorts.
They are known for finessing free Y bombs (FSU’s signature vodka Red Bull shotgun) from guys who don’t know any better and then vanish without a trace, love to Jul yet absolutely refuse to buy one themselves and they make a big show of ordering vodka water because they are “watching their figure,” yet will be scarfing down late night cookies several hours later. Despite all their flaws and perpetual state of passive aggressiveness towards their sisters, they are fun to be around and maintain decent grades.
3. The Larper.
These strange people seem to have way more fun than anyone else on campus. You can watch them role playing and battling on the landis green. These people clearly don’t give a shit what anyone thinks and it scares you. They become absorbed into their own worlds while you are hating yourself for eating chic-fil-a for the second consecutive meal in a row. They are experiencing glorious combat chopping limbs off with their foam swords. All you know is that it’s way to hot to be wearing that Game of Thrones costume as you walk by both amused and amazed by these campus legends.
4. The Vape God.
We get it… you vape. Stop setting off the dorm fire alarms. You don’t deserve me writing about you.
5. The Gym Bro.
The rattle of his blender cup echoes throughout campus, a constant reminder of his presence. He drinks light beer not because it’s affordable but because of its low calories. In high school he was a big papi but like the sorority princess, he arrived here to see that everyone else was just as big as he was, and so the body dysmorphia set in. He examines other male bodies to size them up and compare them to his own… to the point where his sexuality is questionable. This guy is dedicated to his iron church and it’s only a matter of time until he turns to performance enhancers to compete with everyone else in the gym. He started lifting to get girls, now he doesn’t care about that. Now he just doesn’t want to fit through doors anymore.
6. Chic Fil-A employee.
Your best friend, your only friend. Chic fil-a employee greets you with a smile and gives you the steroid filled chicken that your broke ass needs to survive. The Chic fil-a employee has seen some things. Chic fil-a employee has dark secrets. She knows that every customer is a stress filled time bomb waiting to go off. She has seen it before, so she treads carefully leaving no room for error. Always making sure the order is completed within a reasonable time which in Chic fil-a is 5 to 10 seconds. She fights the good fight and is one of FSU’s unsung heroes.
7. The hungover.
Why did I go out last night they ask themselves as they trudge off to class sporting Ray-Bans which look cool but ultimately fail to block out the suns malicious rays. This person succumbed to FOMO and peer pressure and will pay the price in class. They’ve been going out and missing class way to much and now have no other choice but to attend hungover. When you see one of these people just leave them to their suffering, it’s what they would want.
8. The Freshman.
Wearing excessive FSU gear? Navigating campus by phone? Generally, they have no idea what the fuck is going on. Then you have found yourself a baby ‘Nole. These people (myself included) are experiencing their first taste of absolute freedom college has to offer. Some will adapt marvelously while others burn out and go home next semester. The vast majority will stumble into their college career and slowly evolve into half-competent “adults.”
9. The Nerd.
Nerds rule the world! Look at Elon Musk, he took some time off building rockets and made the first hybrid car that actually looks good. Steve Jobs, he’s the reason white girls don’t text back when they see green texts. Bill Nye, that guy has a show on Netflix now. When you find visionaries like these in class they are invaluable friends to have. Whether you need half a semesters worth of notes or didn’t realize the MLA format you used is 3 editions behind your studious friend will have your back.
10. The Fountain People.
When the Summer heat is in full effect a bizarre breed will emerge. These are the Fountain People. They lounge in the fountain like hippos in a watering hole and just chill for hours on end. These people are the most relaxed on campus. One has to ask, “don’t they have shit to do like the rest of us?” I wish I was a fountain person, I really do. When the tour guide told me the fountains have chlorine and also function like a swimming pool I thought, “that’s cool I guess.” I wish I loved to carelessly lie in a fountain surrounded by bronze statues all day. Sadly, I’m just not into that sort of thing. Make the fountains into hot tubs and I’m there.