Don’t Blame Yourself if the Relationship Doesn’t Last
Throughout our lives, relationships allow us opportunities for growth. Unfortunately, our romantic relationships don’t always last and are subject to teaching us some valuable lessons. Below are some reasons why, although difficult to overcome at times, to accept the relationship just wasn’t meant to be.
Isolation slowly begins to creep in and millions of questions begin to jump around your crowded mind. You wonder where things went wrong in your relationships. What could’ve been done to prevent all these mishaps? A constant blame runs through you and thinking about this loss only seems to produce goosebumps on your sensitive skin. Even though time quickly passes you, the memories you’ve had with this person still pops up. The band-aid has not ripped yet.
Little by little you hope the pain goes away. You linger on these thoughts and hope that things could somehow change. The same three songs are constantly replayed and you’re rereading past messages just to have the taste of those final moments. What could you have done to have a different outcome?
There is not always a definite answer as to why relationships end.
Sometimes it wasn’t you, sometimes it wasn’t even them and sometimes you just outgrow each other. Or personal differences cause this drift. You may never know the answer, but you can’t dwell on the idea that you are not good enough or you deserve to be mistreated. You may feel trapped and all alone in the beginning because the relationship you’ve built is crumbling down.
For a long time, I tried to hold on to relationships that I thought were healthy and most of the time these relationships would end without explanation. Left alone looking for answers, I stressed myself out and would end most nights alone.
Am I the one to blame? Should I change myself to fit in? Do I deserve this? One question then another and I’d still feel empty. I was like an unsolvable riddle waiting for an answer. Part of me felt that this empty feeling would vanish if I filled my day with distractions. “No one would understand my pain anyways,” was a constant line that ran through my head and caused me to bottle up the pain. I did not want to place my burdens on others because they had their own problems. But in the end, I was only hurting myself. The questions and pain surfaced more often and isolation became the key. I didn’t want to eat and all I wanted to do was stay home. I wanted to be alone. “This is what I deserved,” I thought.
I soon realized I needed to speak up or it would only get worse. I was so prone to bottling things up that I was drowning without even noticing. As I began to speak up and communicate with other people, I found out that these relationships I had were toxic not healthy. I was fooled by love I thought I deserved. But there are so many people who’ve dealt with toxic relationships and understand the pain that one might be feeling. I wasn’t alone and neither are you.
No one deserves the mistreatment of a toxic relationship.
You do not deserve to be underappreciated or belittled. You deserve to be seen as something other than a booty call. Do not try to stay around someone because you think you can fix someone or keep trusting them after they make the same mistake 30 times. It is not going to get better and at this point you are filling yourself up with simple excuses. It is okay for you to leave and if they want to leave that is okay too. Do not beg someone to stay.
Stop those three constant songs and reminiscing over those past moments. Don’t sit at home and wonder what went wrong. Learn to live again. Go outside and make new memories with people. Don’t be afraid to reach out to people you haven’t talked to in months or even years. Teach yourself a new instrument or how to bake. As you grow, you will meet a variety of different people, who add to your personality and make you a better person. It may cause some changes and that’s okay. It is okay to change. Change is part of life.
What you have to realize is that people will come into and out of your life all the time. Some will stay longer than others and others will come back into your life. There is no rhyme or reason as to why some stay longer than others, but what you have to take from each relationship is the lesson that each person gave you whether it is to value your relationships more or limiting whom you should trust. Life is full of beautiful people; don’t spend time blaming yourself.