New Year’s Resolutions You Should Make
New Year’s resolutions are often a bunch of useless nonsense. How often is it that you resolve to yourself that you will finally tolerate your suitemate, and yet she does something crazy, again, like accuse you of stealing her favorite hideous old sweatshirt from her cheerleading days? How often do you say, “This year, I will not meltdown when my sister drives me crazy,” yet the second she starts with one of her drunken benders complaining about her loser boyfriend, you’re about to shave your head?
Besides, who needs to post a photo of some insanely thin looking model on her refrigerator with the words, “I’m going to look like this by May?” Who benefits when you decide to drop caffeine for a few weeks and turn into a psychopath?
You know you’re going to just grab a Krispy Kreme anyway, and probably more times than you can count. We’re creatures of habit that tend to fall back into the same patterns that we always do. This is why I can’t keep myself from cringing every time I have to see my mother-in law. I’m like Pavlov’s dog: classically conditioned to have the same response every time. Unless you’re quitting smoking or deciding to volunteer for a charity, (and you actually do it) don’t bother with the same old, same old when it comes to New Year’s Resolutions. Instead, invest your time pondering these 5 worthwhile resolutions:
Cut the Spend
Whether it’s Beer Mondays, Shopping Saturdays, or Starbucks Sundays, take a seat at your desk young Jedi, and write down for one month every dime you spend from books, to lattes. After you’ve got that purty little list in front of you, look at all of your unnecessary spending. What can you cut out? What can’t you? Learning how to budget your money now rather than later when you’re staring down at intense student loan payments, is a tool that will come in handy for the rest of your days here on Planet Earth. Trust me, when I get my student loan bill each month, I want to cry, so I just call my therapist. Works every time. Too bad she can’t get my debt waived.
A great site to check out for daily budget tips and more is Wise Bread.
Let’s Get Physical
While pasting a photo of some anorexic model to your refrigerator is not recommended, unless you like the “Third World Country” look, getting fit is never a bad resolution. Some pointers when it comes to sweating out those toxins and calories? Here goes:
1- Set realistic goals.
It’s never healthy to drop weight fast by starvation or other crazy methods. Set a reasonable goal whether it’s to exercise a particular amount of days a week, or to lose a set amount of pounds. Being realistic will help you achieve your goals, and make you feel good about yourself.
2- Enlist a buddy.
If you’re the type of person that can’t be lonely, (where’s the party?) recruit one of your friends to hit your college or local gym. If you’re into nature, hit the trails for a run, but you may want to wait until winter is over, unless you’re one of those Tough Mudder types. When it comes to the cold, if I could wrap myself in a bubble, I would, but it would make transportation in the city rather awkward!
3- Choose an exercise style for your body type.
If you’re so mellow people think you’re high all the time, try some Yoga. You’ll easily find your inner Buddha. Looking to amp up your slow-speed? Try Zumba. If people call you “The Chihuahua” because you talk like you’ve been snorting lines all day, you’ve got the energy and mania to handle a Crossfit program. Looking to mellow out so your eyeballs don’t pop out of your head? Yoga, Pilates, or Ballet is worth a shot. If you were an athlete or dancer in your past life, skip the gym and take a class or join a college or local team. You’ll be happier back in your “womb” environment.
Need some tech to help motivate you? Why not download My Fitness Pal to your iPhone or Android phone in order to track your eating and exercise habits? It’s a great tool to use on the run. Up by Jawbone is a wristband that tracks movement and sleep, plus you can input data like your meals too. The wristband is rather purty and easy to use, as well as the app that pairs along with the band. It’s available through iOS and Android. It’s a very popular fitness tool! It’s a worthwhile purchase, so why not use some of those holiday gift cards towards it.
Ditch the ex
If you’ve been prone to texting your ex late at night perverted things that would make your mother so ashamed of you, you need to ditch the ex. Your ex is an ex for a reason, and the reason was most likely good. Unless your ex completed rehab successfully, found his inner “spirit”, or became a nice guy miraculously, you need to cut the contact out. It’s a New Year, and it’s time for you to get the garbage out of your life so you can make way for someone better. Hanging on to the old habit of “sexting” him when you’re lonely will only make him see you as desperate and vulnerable. He’ll say to his friends, “Oh it’s her again.”
Do you want the smug jerk to get that satisfaction?
If you’re clinging to the past, you can’t reach for the future. Let go. Learn to be a little lonely after those nights you’ve been out late with your friends, or if one is too lonely of a number for you, ask one of your girlfriends to hang out with you for the night. Recruit friends who can act as an Exboyfriend Anonymous; whenever you feel tempted to dial up or text that scum, text a friend instead.
I can guarantee you that there are plenty of other fish in the sea, and while a lot of the “scaled ones” are stinky, a few are worth capturing. Cut the fool loose, and be free to find your truly better half.
Just say no
Repeat after me: no.
Women are socialized to say yes and be people-pleasers. Some people don’t know how to say no. They sign on for every project, date, group, and volunteer for every cause or thing known to mankind. While some of us are better at multitasking than others, spreading yourself too thin is asking for an accident or major illness to happen. Besides, if you’ve got too many pots to stir, one of your meals is going to come out nasty. Focus your attention on the things you can’t live without, and say no the rest.
Learning to say no and balance your other priorities are skills that will stay with you when you leave the world known as academia, and head off into the workforce. You can’t be everyone, so learning how to negotiate what is worth your time now will help you as you break the glass ceiling and advance in your career.
Clean out the clutter
Since I told you to lose your ex, it’s time to lose the rest of your junk too. If you’ve got clothes sitting in your closet since the time you crushed over Justin Timberlake in nSYNC, it’s time to lose it. If you haven’t worn an article of clothing in two years, get rid of it. You’ll probably never wear it. I’ve got stuff I haven’t worn in ages, yet I don’t have the heart to donate it, “just in case.” Well that’s just malarkey. You could donate your clothes to a cause: plenty of organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters will arrange a pick-up for your old clothes.
Helpful hint from a woman who cares: if you’ve got a pair of “goal jeans,” don’t toss those. Save them as inspiration to take that Zumba class or go for that morning jog. Unless of course, they’re jeans from when you’re seven. Real women don’t look like pencils.
Of course, there’s also another type of clutter that I feel you need to get rid of today. Sell your old electronics.
You’re savvy, and know that with technology advancing as fast as it does, there’s always a better phone, tablet, or laptop out in the world. The same applies to bad boyfriends by the way. Just a reminder. I hope you’re paying attention.
Besides, that old iPhone or Samsung Galaxy S3 you have with the busted screen is just sitting in your dorm room, unused and unloved. At uSell.com, you can get good cash for a phone that won’t power on, is water-damaged, or cracked. And if your phone is in good condition, the offers increase!
If you sell your iPhone, or sell any cell phone, you’re not only garnering some extra cash, but recycling your cell phone will keep your cell phone from ending up in a landfill one day. You’re giving your old cell phone a second life. Don’t you feel good knowing you’re being good to your Mother Earth?
And selling back your cell phone at uSell is very easy. From choosing the phone you’re selling, to getting cash offers from our buyers, it will take you just sixty seconds. The other bonus? You can sell all kinds of phones: T-Mobile, AT&T, Verizon, MetroPCS, unlocked, and more.
If you decide you like the cash offers on our site, you’ll choose an offer, and we’ll send you a free shipping kit for you to send your device. Once your device is received, you’ll get your cash fast.
It’s as easy as pie, whatever that means. I’ve never made a pie easily, but then again, I can’t cook. Don’t believe me? Come over for dinner. You won’t die or get food poisoning, but it won’t be anything worth talking about, I assure you.
This concept applies to any old tablets or even a busted iPad you might have collecting dust. Over the holidays, the new iPad Air and iPad Mini are selling like hotcakes. It’s the “IT” gift for holidays 2013, which means that you should sell your old iPad now before the price depreciates.
Lesson to Be Learned:
Most New Year’s resolutions are bollocks. They’re not worth your time or your effort, and they’ll only be forgotten by January 3rd. Take heed, and try out one of the resolutions I’ve suggested. You’ll be a better woman for it, indeed.
About the Author:
Laura Lifshitz-Hernandez has resolved to not resolve anything this year, other than eating more chocolate. She is a pint-sized tour de force of wit, smiles, and neuroticism. A comedienne, writer, and former MTV personality, she will work for self-validation and chocolate. A graduate of Columbia University, Laura liked late-night mozzarella sticks and make-out sessions as a college student, but you didn’t hear that from her. She has delusions that she is the family favorite of four girls, and likes to make friends with strangers. Follow her @LauraLifshitz on Twitter and on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/lauralifshitzwriter. Read her blog frommtvtomommy.com so you can laugh with her, or at her.
uSell has helped customers earn over $11 million for selling back their used phones. And because we believe in doing good for the environment, we’re proud to say that we’ve kept over 170,000 cell phones out of landfills. Today, people are savvy about their electronics. They either want to upgrade to the latest and greatest gadgets fast, or give their old devices a second life. We’ve created a marketplace around those two desires. In just three easy steps, our customers can connect with over 50 professional buyers to get instant cash offers, hassle free. uSell is transforming recommerce one cell phone at a time.