There is a lot of confusion and misunderstanding about the personal choice to wait to have sex. Some people just don’t understand why or how you can do it. These misconceptions have been around for a while, and unfortunately, especially in today’s sex-driven society, don’t seem to be going away.
1. Everyone is having sex, it’s not a big deal.
Let me stop you right there, this is totally false. Not everyone is hooking up on the daily and even if they were, that doesn’t mean you have to too. This is an excuse that, more often than not, guys will tell you to get you to hook up with them. These guys are looking for that “quick fix” because let’s face it: they want to feel that pleasure. I mean, they are in college and want to have fun. But at what expense are they willing to get that instant gratification? Now obviously not all guys think this way, or try to pressure you into things you do not want to do. But, let’s be honest, we’ve all heard of that one guy.
It’s your freshman year and you just got invited to your first college party. You spend hours getting ready. You tell yourself you’re not going to drink and if you did it would be one maximum, and that no guy or girl is going to take advantage of you. The girls are finally ready and everyone heads to the party. When you get there you are immediately asked if you’d like something to drink, you ask for a water or soda. Then you hit the dance floor with your best friends. A guy comes over to you and asks if he can dance with you. Long story short, after a while he asks if you would like to “get out of here.” How many times have we heard that, and not just in movies? You say no. He asks why and gives that line, “everyone is doing it.” Right now you feel pressured, but that is the effect he wants. If you want to keep waiting until marriage to have sex, then you will stay firm. You do not need to hear the opinions of others. If he or she does not respect your choice in waiting, then that is not the person you want in your life.
2. If you willingly do not want to have sex, you must be scared.
I instantly laugh at this statement. If anyone, male or female, tells you that they were not scared to have sex for the first time, then they’ve just lied to you. Of course, sex can be scary. There is nothing wrong with feeling nervous or scared. Everyone has the right to feel what he or she feels. If you are in the mindset that sex is scary and you do not want to do it, just don’t do it. Be the wonderful person you are. Sex cannot and will not define you.
Waiting until marriage to have sex is perfectly normal. Others can try to say that denying sex until marriage is just a way to cover up why you do not want to have sex. In reality, it doesn’t matter what others say or what your reasons for waiting are. What matters is that abstaining from sex until marriage is a choice that you can make, no matter what your reasons are.
3. If you are religious then you must never want to have sex.
False. The last time I checked, everyone has hormones. Your religious beliefs may influence the way you approach sex, but these two things are not directly linked. You do not have to be religious to choose not to have sex until marriage. Of course, everyone—religious and non-religious—is going to be curious about sex
As someone who is religious myself, I do not think of myself as better than anyone else in waiting until marriage to have sex. It is a personal choice that anyone can make; it does not have any boundaries. There is a misconception that religious people are naïve for waiting for their wedding night to have sex. In my opinion, waiting to receive something so great is not worth giving up so easily. Do not mistake faith with ignorance. Sex is common knowledge; it’s as if we go our whole lives ignoring sex until our wedding night. We all live in a world where sex and sexuality are heavily engrained into our culture. It’s not something that we can run away from. Sex is in our lives whether it is in a conversation or people we know are actually having it. If you feel like you want to wait until marriage to have sex, religious or not, honor this choice. By staying strong in this choice of waiting until marriage, you won’t end up doing something that you may later regret. If you don’t want to wait until marriage, then don’t wait! Your body is your own; no one should be allowed to tell you what to do with it. That choice is only up to you.
4. You must be a prude.
The term prude is defined as “a person who is or claims to be easily shocked by matters relating to sex or nudity.” Most people I know have a misconception of what “prude” actually means. This word has come to be used very loosely to describe anyone who isn’t overzealous about sexual activities. Of course, there are people who are easily shocked by nudity and sex, but no one should assume that this is due to their religious beliefs or their personal choices about sex. I’m just waiting on the day where we all do not have to be so negative or hateful towards each other. It’s just not right. If anyone has called you a prude under false or true contexts, own it! Prude does not have to be a negative word. Show the accuser that you are comfortable in your own skin no matter what they call you.
5. Sex is necessary for a healthy relationship.
To be honest, this statement scares me and probably scares some of you reading this. Maybe the better question is, what makes a relationship? I believe a relationship needs to be built on trust, communication, loyalty, and love. Of course sex comes as a result of this, but does it need to happen right away? The answer, I believe, is no. Establish a good relationship with your partner first, build that trust and love. When you are ready, you will know. Waiting makes everything so much better. If you and your partner have a bond in which you both want to wait until marriage for sex, then that is the choice that is right for you as a couple.
I believe sex is only as healthy as the bond you both share. If you are rushing things in your relationship, or having problems, then I do not think sex can make the relationship healthy or fix anything. Do not conform to what your friends think you should do, or what your partner is telling you to do. Only you can make the choice for yourself to have sex or not. No one else has authority over your body. The choice is yours, wait until marriage, or wait until you are ready.
Meghann is a student at the University of Connecticut where she is currently pursuing a degree in Journalism. Go Huskies! She spends her free time writing on her personal blog NewBeautyGuru, drinking tea, and loving life! As a lover of music, fashion, and traveling, she is very excited to be a Campus Coordinator for SRtrends to share all of her tips and tricks.