I went out with a guy that was a textbook narcissist. For years, I found myself in a rollercoaster of emotions. We would literally confess our love and care for one another one day and the next we’ll be arguing and the arguments were always intense. It wasn’t until I was three years in when I decided to take a step back and analyze our whole situationship. It was then that I realized he fit the textbook definition of a narcissist and that he wasn’t good for me.
I met him off online on a dating website…
Nowadays, to hook up with guys there’s Tinder and Instagram. Back then there was TAGGED. Not many people remember it strangely enough. It was very popular with picking updates, weirdos, and stalkers. Anyway, at the time my friends persuaded me to make an account.
Long story short after many dead ends of meeting new people, he messaged me and it caught my eye. He was really cute. It was his eyes that really got me. Then it was dark curly hair, his strong facial structure that God seemed to take his time with and last least his height. He was everything I wanted in a guy at the time and I couldn’t believe that he liked me back. Almost immediately he asked me for my number and the rest was history.
Nothing seemed off to me at first…
He was sweet, sensitive and able to keep a conversation going; able to keep a smile on my face that’s for sure. We would talk every night until the wee hours of the morning and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. His tongue was slicker than water. He turned me on with the way he spoke. I almost can’t explain it! Everything he said made me…swoon and made me want to throw him off a building the next.
When I tell you that our arguments were intense, that just being nice about it!
There could get very gruesome. Calling each other names and hitting below the belt with things you shouldn’t really say to anyone unless they’re an enemy. Mind you, we’re doing all of this over the phone. I didn’t get to actually meet him until three years later when I got my first apartment.
That was the first time I saw him. At that very moment, I felt something was wrong. He seemed very distant and different than how he portrayed himself over the phone. He wouldn’t look me in my eye when we talked and he didn’t do the things that he said he was going to do when we first met. I noticed how shy he was; not the bold guy I thought I was getting to know. Nevertheless, physically he was everything I wanted. Since that day he stepped foot into my house, is when all hell broke loose.
He would tell me that I am overreacting to HE MADE ME FEEL!
I never argued with anyone as much as I argued with him. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Everything as my fault and he was the one that failed at communicating. It nearly seemed impossible for me to get any time from him because he was always “busy”. Mind you, we lived in the same state and he was only about an hour away. Yet, he made it so hard for us to be under one another.
I would go days without talking to him and I didn’t like that. I had in my mind that we were working towards being together, boy was I wrong! He claimed I was being too sensitive and I needed to check myself because I was wrong. That was his favorite line, “You were wrong! You’ve been wrong.” The nerve of this guy! He was always right never wrong and he made every conversation about him. I cannot recall a time when he asked me how my day was or how I was feeling.
After arguing with this man for hours I would feel completely drained. I began questioning my worth and asking myself why I put up with this shit. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a total fool. I talked to other guys while I was talking to him because at first, that’s what it was, talking. After we had sex for the first time, I kept the same regimen. Like I said before, HE made seeing and communicating with one another a chore. I couldn’t take it anymore.
Despite the other guys I went out with, I still made time for him. What a dummy I was! He would call after a month of us not talking and make up some crappy apology. This was one of our regimens; argue, hang up, not speak for a month, talk again, argue and repeat. It was insanity. But for the life of me, I could not let him go so easily.
I found myself more attached than before; unable to keep myself from arguing back with him and once again I was questioning my worth. The things he taunted me about actually caused me to second guess my values. Many of the things he said were very hurtful and he made me feel so low.
Still, he had nothing to do with why we were arguing so much or why we couldn’t stay away from one another. The whole situation was toxic. I had no choice but to be strong and end it. I had to stop answering his calls and giving him what he wanted. I forbid myself to step back into the same cycle. I must admit it was hard. You see, he as the only one at the time that I felt that cared about me because he took the time to seriously argue with me about our issues.
Nevertheless, deep down I knew everything about what we were wasn’t healthy.
He would call numerous times back to back but I didn’t answer. I blocked his number but that didn’t help, he would call privately. It took me to tell him a simple no to get him off my back… and it worked. Finally, he stopped calling. It has been more than a few months now and it feels good to have that toxic energy out of my life. There are times when he would cross my mind, but, I’ll quickly dismiss it. Those four years I had with him is nothing I want back.
I am glad I had this experience with a grade A narcissist. Now I know what to look for in a relationship. I had to touch up my standards and work on myself for no one will ever make me question my worth again. We must learn from our mistakes people. It is very important to digest these events that come into our lives so we won’t have to repeat them again. Let me know in the comments if you ever had an encounter with a person who was a narcissist. I’d love to hear your stories.
Featured Source Image: https://narcwise.com/2018/07/20/invalidation-and-narcissism/
I've been a writer all my life! A good one I must add. Not to be cocky, but I cannot think of anything else to do with my life besides writing. I love to write about what I know along with what I find most interesting about life. I run a BLOG about my journey of leaving home and driving across country to Los Angeles (you're gonna want to read it, it's pretty funny). My dreams are to become an author and to freelance write where ever I can. I can envision myself, interviewing those I admire the most in their careers. That can mean a wide range of people from celebrities to struggle artist on the street. It doesn't matter. As long as you inspire me, to aspire you. Then, I'm good.