Listen up dudes, if you are even remotely considering bringing a girl over to your place, there are some things you need to know. Just like you take notes when heading over to a girls place, she does the same. However, you guys tend to be a bit more oblivious to the shit in your room that makes you look like a tool. So, I’m going to give you a run down on the stupid shit in your room you should stash, toss or keep if you intend on looking like an absolute twat. Here are some things in your room that make you look like the biggest tool.
I swear to God if a girl walks into your room and spots a “Saturdays Are for the Boys” flag, you’re done. This flag in particular, let alone this saying, has always been, and always will be a red flag. At this day and age, any girl who has respect for herself is not going to find a guy whose FTB attractive. In fact, these types of guys rank the lowest of low. Get rid of that shit, you’ll look like a tool.
Congratulations, if you have any sort of Playboy poster hanging on your wall, or of any girl in a bikini, you officially haven’t outgrown fifth grade. Take that trash down loser. (That may be Kate Moss but it’s still a no).
A Shit Ton Of Trophies
Overcompensating much? No one really cares about the awards you won in middle school. If you are seriously reliving those glory days, that’s saying a lot about you. True story: went over to a guy’s place and the first thing he wanted to show me was his hockey championship ring. Not only did he ask if I wanted to see it but if I wanted to try it on. My response? Please tell me you don’t say that to every girl who walks into your apartment. You can bet your ass he was made fun by his teammates. Here are some pick up lines that would actually work, maybe.
If you have condoms laying out somewhere on a night stand or anywhere within visible range, you’re a tool. Do I even need to explain this one?
A Make America Great Again Hat
No. You may have bought it cause you thought it was funny but I’ll let you in on a secret, it’s not. Guarantee if a girl spots that, you’re totally fucked, and not in a good way.
Similar to a Barstool dude, a frat boy is pretty toolish. It’s one thing to be in a frat, it’s another to be the drunken fool who takes pride in acting like an actual idiot.
A Mattress On The Floor
Honestly, why don’t you have a bed frame?
A Sports Illustrated Calendar
Nope. Bye tool.
Weights And Protein
Put that shit away. Good for you for working out but that really doesn’t need to be visible. And don’t give us the “oh sorry, didn’t have enough time to put those away before you came over.”
If this is your attempt at achieving a romantic ambiance, you are so far out of touch with reality it’s not even funny. Disclaimer: a girl will walk home in the snow if she walks into your room and sees black lights in your room (true story).