Some of the steamiest, most passionate sex you can experience is sex with an ex. All that pain and hurt you carried from the breakup comes out in a physical way, and even if you had an amicable breakup, the familiarity of having sex with someone you’ve already done it with can make it so much smoother. There’s no denying that sex with an ex can be really good, but is it worth it?
Well, yes and no.
Yes, because it’s basically like a painkiller: it’s instant relief for any sexual frustration you had buried deep down, and physically connecting with someone you may have had residual feelings for can feel amazing. The rush of endorphins you get from having a physical encounter with someone familiar is very satisfying. You’re getting physical with someone you know so you know each other’s bodies, you know what to expect and you know you’re going to get some kind of pleasure.
However, there’s a downside to this, and it’s usually in the aftermath.
An ex is an ex for a reason, and you’re breaking down any healing you’ve done to get over them. A lot of the time, having sex with someone you’ve previously dated is usually because you’re feeling low at the time, or feeling lonely, and whilst the instant gratification is great, you can mentally feel like shit afterwards. When you’re already feeling low, afterwards you can feel really bad, questioning yourself why you did it, if it was worth it, and generally hating yourself.
There’s also the big question as to what you hoped to gain from it.
Sometimes, it’s completely meaningless and you did it because the person was there at the time and it was entirely spontaneous. Sometimes, it’s planned out, you’ve discussed it beforehand and you reach an agreement that you want to have a quick bang to release some tension. After a breakup, you can feel extremely vulnerable, and throwing sex into that breakup can make you feel even more fragile. If it was spontaneous, these things can just happen, it’s understandable. If it’s something that’s planned out, you need to consider why this seems like a good idea. Downgrading your relationship from full time romance to friends with benefits doesn’t ease you out of the breakup, it’s just going to prolong your feelings for the other person and it’s not going to help you move on.
If it was a spontaneous event and you feel down afterwards, you need to talk it out with your ex.
You can talk it out with other people, sure, but the main person you need to talk to is the other person involved. Find out how they felt about it, what the next steps should be. It might signify you getting back together with the other person, but is that really what you want? It might signify that you were both just needing that physical connection and you both think it was bad idea. It might be that they want to get back with you and you’re not interested it in that. Talking it out can make you feel better and make sure your head isn’t a mess.
Remember to always care for yourself first.
it’s easy to forget there’s a large mental aspect to having sex, especially with someone you have or had feelings for, so afterwards, take some time to yourself, think about the experience and what you got from it, and try to relax. It’s easy to get lost in your head with thoughts and feelings so take some time to recuperate and think about what you want for yourself. It’s good life advice for this situation and for most situations really.