An online relationship is just like any other relationship. In the beginning, you don’t know if the other person is interested in you the same way you are with them. But you know that you want them as your home and lock screen, the first person to hear from when you wake up and the last when you go to sleep, and the person to complain to when things don’t go your way. The only difference is you can’t touch or smell them, which can be hard at times but I promise when it’s meant to be it will work out.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. You need to turn them from the name you would write with a permanent marker to someone you’d possibly get their name tattooed on you (please don’t do that).
Are They Worth It?
Before starting anything with them, ask yourself if they are worth it, especially if this is your first online relationship. Before having any conversation with them, spy on them a little. See how they act with others. If you’re in an online chat room, see how they act when talking with other people in the main chat area, which is the area where everyone talks to each other. If they are nasty to other people, then you should probably stay away from them (unless they’re your type). But if they are talking with people in a normal way as if they would talk to their friends in school about video games, lips gloss, or their favorite tv show, then proceed. But you always want to make sure they are worth your time.
If they are on social media apps like Instagram, look through their posts to see what they are about before you jump to anything.
Get permission to slide into their DMs! This is very important to do because you don’t want to be rude and just message them, that’s their time. So, politely ask if it’s alright to message them privately just to talk. Once they say yes, greet them in private messages. Don’t do what others do and ask for their “ASL” (age, sex, and location). You don’t walk up to someone and ask for that, you greet and ask how they are doing. This is the perfect way to start any casual conversation before jumping to anything else. After the greeting, you can be upfront with them. Explain to them that you’re looking for a relationship and they sparked an interest in you and you want to get to know them.
This is also the perfect time to ask for a picture of them if they don’t have one. Now, you’ve seen Catfish at least once, so you know if they refuse to see a picture, they must be hiding something or may have trust issues. But they would only have trust issues if you don’t have a picture, but if you do and they refuse to send you one, know that something is up. Because if you ask politely and they say no it’s evident that they are hiding something, after all, we are talking about an online relationship.
Strike A Conversation
Now that they know why you private messaged them, you can talk to them about their interests and hobbies, and find some things that both of you have in common. This is where you talk about favorite music genres, movies, outdoor activities, indoor activities, etc. It’s okay to add very little flirty comments here and there. For example, you ask about their favorite subject in school and they say math. Your flirty comment can be, “So, what’s the sum of you and me?” I know, cheesy, but you get the point.
Swap Contact Info
We know it’s an online relationship but you can’t expect the two of you to be talking on whatever social site or social media platform you’re communicating with each other on. So, it would be the perfect opportunity to swap phone numbers. If you’re on a social site and they don’t feel comfortable swapping numbers, you can ask for their social media. If you are on a social media app and they don’t feel comfortable swapping numbers, you can remain communications on that app because you have to respect their wishes. But if they give you their number then you are where you want to be. This does not mean you can blow up their phones or assume they like you, this is basically them saying they want to know you a little more and they trust you to have their contact information.
This is where the two of you get to hear each other’s voices, see each other through video chatting, etc. You both will probably talk all night, not realizing it’s two in the morning.
DO. NOT. MESS. THIS. UP.
Get To Know Each Other
Again, when they give you their number, they want to get to know you more. So, tell them all about yourself. This is the opportunity to open up to them. A lot of people like it when their partners are open about their feelings. Talk about where you are from, your childhood, etc. Mention if you’ve been in an online relationship or if this is your first. Only talk about your past relationships if it doesn’t point the blame to you or make you look terrible. You want to seem datable and telling them your last relationship ended because you forgot their birthday, cheated, chose friends over them, didn’t listen, got bored, or hated the way they looked is not going to make you look any better.
If they ask why your last relationship ended, stick with the “it’s complicated” answer. They may know what that really translates to and respond with “try me” or they may drop it, but if they don’t, you can always say “I don’t want to talk about this, yet.” Add the yet to give them a little hope that one day you’ll open up to them about it (when they agree to date you). And if they can’t respect that then that should tell you that they don’t know how to respect your privacy and wishes, plus, you’re not dating them yet, so you don’t have to. Now, if the relationship ended because they chose someone over you, I strongly advise you to put on the best Oscar performance and sell it as though they are the worst people on earth and you are the victim. Not only will they feel bad, but they will want to be the ones to make you happy again.
Don’t Expect It To Happen Instantly
You two are just getting to know each other and opening up to each other, don’t expect it to happen instantly. This is not like ordering a burger, you can’t just get everything quickly. You’re starting an online relationship, so it may be hard for them to trust you with their emotions and let you into their lives. Think of it as sending a package. There are steps before it gets to the final destination. Don’t rush things! Remember, good things come to those who wait.
Casually Confess Your Feelings
Now that you two have been getting well acquainted, time to confess your feelings! Before you do, think about everything. You really like this person but are you willing to have an online relationship with someone you have never met face to face? If so, then confess your feelings to them. Let them know that you want to give things a try and that you want to take things slow to see where they go. If you really want to sell it, plan a romantic speech for them. In this speech, tell them how amazing they are and how they make you feel. They can’t say no because you told them in the beginning that you are looking for a relationship, so they should’ve told you whether or not they want to be in one.
End the speech with something like “I’d be an idiot not to be with the most amazing person in the world” and ask them if they want to see things through with you. Not if they want to be with you. Not yet.
Take Things Slow
It’s hard to take things slow with someone you really like, but it’s the best part. You try not to drop the L-word because you don’t want to scare them away. Think of this stage as your test run or trial period. Basically, the two of you aren’t putting any labels on it but doing things couples do like texting “Good morning, beautiful” or something like that. It’s to see if the online relationship will work once the two of you decide to go through with it.
Talk About Where Things Are At
Do you guys like doing the couple things? After a while, you both need to discuss where everything is because this is the point where you put labels on it. You need to discuss the things you like or don’t like and agree to work on things.
I Now Pronounce You As Lovers
Congratulation, you are now a couple! It’s not going to be easy, it’s an online relationship and they are hard. But it takes focus, trust, and love for this type of relationship to thrive.
Are you in an online relationship? Let us know in the comment section and how long have you two been together?
Featured Image Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/594756694529265524/
Hello! For starters, thank you for taking the time to figure out who I am. My name is Taylor Berry, a journalism major at Florida A&M University and I am from Fort Lauderdale, FL. God is the reason I am here right now writing for this amazing online magazine and I can't wait to see where it takes me. I am happily engaged and I love that the love of my life is so supportive of my career choices and he is the reason I am working hard at making my goals a reality. This writing opportunity at Society19 is the start and I am grateful for the people who gave me this opportunity. I know I won't let them down and I won't let the readers down. So, I encourage those of you out there who are bored or looking for the latest styles, advice, and gossip, explore Society19! And don't forget to like, comment and share!!!