Love is nice. It makes everything in life feel worthwhile. It makes you feel safe and whole.
The current dating landscape isn’t a particularly fruitful one and does seem bleak at first glance. My partner and I like to joke that we “caught the last chopper out of ‘Nam,” with our meet-cute of me finding his lost dog. He and I followed a lot of those little TikTok manifesting tips, and I like to believe it helped us convince the universe we deserved each other and were ready to be together. In The Alchemist, Paulo Coehlo writes “When you want something, the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” This means all your wishes can come true if you want them badly enough, but you might speed up the process by helping the universe known exactly what you’re looking for. And by speaking and thinking it into existence.
You probably think you know what you want in a partner, but you don’t really know. Your first response is probably “I don’t know, someone I can get along with?” You can get along with everyone. You can get along with anyone you want to get along with. I recommend looking for someone who’s personality meshes well enough with yours to encourage both of you to grow. This list can be as extensive as you desire. You can include serious desires, silly things, anything. If it matters to you, and would make you happy in a relationship, put it on the list. Don’t leave anything out because if you thought about it, you want it.
Completing this task helps center yourself and narrow down the options of what’s worth your time to investigate. I would suggest this strongly for people who have been single for awhile and find their dates to be getting worse and worse; you’re lowering your standards. It’s a disservice to you and the person you’re on a date with when you do this. Figure out what you want. Stick to those rules. Don’t put this in your dating app bio, though, you will get zero matches.
I also recommend adding a numbers aspect to it, especially if you’re someone who likes to look at things from a logical standpoint. In Amy Webb’s TedTalk, “How I gamed online data to meet my match,” Webb discusses how she attributed positive and negative point values to dates she went on so she could compile data and on what created a meaningful date, and what caused a negative date. In doing this, she was able to hack the algorithms for herself. If spreadsheets and massive data collection is a bit much for you, it’ll still help to know what’s most important to you. Look at her TedTalk, she makes some good points! Her biggest point: be fearless in what you want and go after it.
How can you expect to find the person of your dreams if you, yourself, are not the person they currently deserve? We meet people when we are ready for them and vice versa. In dreaming of your life in the future what type of person do you want to be? You have to be ready to be in a relationship if you want to be in the best relationship for you.
If you feel stagnant in your love life, your personal life may be stagnating too. In whatever case, you should always be doing something to be the best version of yourself for you. You’re looking for someone who has a lot to offer you, try to have a lot to be proud of by yourself. While you manifest your best partner, also manifest your best self. The two must exist if both wish to meet. You can manifest goals through speaking them and following through on them; relationships and self-improvement correlate strongly together. Create a list on things about yourself you’d like to improve on, and habits you’d like to drop in the upcoming years. Small goals are still goals.
Looking back to your mental image of yourself in 20 years, how do you hope to be living? What’s realistic? What’s not? What’s not realistic but you should give yourself the chance to go after it anyways? I started this process when I was 22. I knew I wanted to be in a meaningful, committed relationship with someone, but I didn’t know what that entailed. I had to consider what building blocks I wanted to find in a boyfriend because I wanted to start building something with someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. If you’re not someone who thinks about dating that way, you should reconsider. You either date someone and break-up or you date someone and get married.
While you wait to meet your future partner, you shouldn’t be waiting to complete other goals in your life. This advice is for people who lose themselves while dating. Stop doing that. I’m not a believer in the “You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you,” statement. I believe in “You have to love yourself and want better for yourself, always.” You must grab onto a you-centered thinking. This leads you to have more thoughts about what you want because you are always striving for those goals. Think about how the universe conspires to give us all that we desire; that can apply to your personal goals to.
The biggest aspect of manifestation, besides putting the building blocks above in place, is speaking and thinking it into existence. I don’t know if it’s scientifically some sort of self-placebo effect, but it does work. Similarly, to those morning affirmations some people do, you’re going to collect a set of phrases that will aid you in speaking to yourself, the universe, and maybe your partner. Some of the phrases I used included “The person I’m seeking is also seeking me.” I would also occasionally read out the list of things I wanted. You could find phrases through TikTok and other media sites or create your own. What’s important is creating a belief system within yourself that you deserve the things you want in love, relationships, and life.
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