A stoner is defined as someone who smokes marijuana, but I challenge that. A stoner is not someone who just smokes marijuana, but rather someone who enjoys it for themselves, and smokes regularly. Most likely, someone who took the time to find an article on how to know if you are a stoner is a stoner. I could just end it there, but I have a word count to reach, so here are several ways to know you are a stoner!
The first, and easiest way, to tell a stoner from someone who just smokes is by how often you smoke alone. If the only time you smoke is at parties or when you are with friends, then you are not a stoner. But, if you smoke all by your lonely, chances are you are a stoner. It could be noon, and it could be 3 am, but you are going to smoke regardless.
You Know All The Slang
Listen to me, in no way am I saying you need to speak the language 24/7, but a stoner definitely knows the language and can get through any weed discussions without being confused or lost at any point. You know all the tools, all the strains, and all the ways of measuring, and never find yourself lost in the conversation.
What’s The Difference…
Here is another great test to see if you are a stoner. Start off by asking yourself, what is the difference between Swisher Sweets, White Owls, and Backwoods? If you know the difference right away, you are probably an experienced smoker. Another few things that any stoner should know are one-hitters, bowls, and of course, the grinder. The ultimate challenge though is if you know what a sploof is. If you are aware of the sploof, you are 100% a stoner. Bonus points if you can make one…
April 20th Is Nothing Special
Some people may disagree with me here, but I will say it anyway. A real stoner does not give two shits about the 20th of April. April 20th is said to be national weed day, where potheads and stoners can get high in celebrations of the chronic. However, it has been hijacked by memes and dumb middle schoolers who think they know what marijuana is. A stoner may find some joy on 4/20, but any real stoner has got to be sick of hearing “420!”
A Weird Pile Of Snacks
Another dead giveaway for a stoner is their snacks. Not only will a stoner create some of the most oddball snack combinations you will ever see, but they also might have a random pile of varying snack foods in a designated area, perhaps nearest to where the post-smoke chill spot is. Cheez-its, Fruit Roll-Ups, cookies, Little Debbie, Hostess, and any other item from the corner store around the corner.
That Smelly Smell That Smells
That smelly smell can hit you anywhere, and you can call it out the direction it is coming from. You could be driving through a neighborhood and get the slightest whiff, and you will suddenly start looking around. The best though is when you smell it on a friend, and they say they have a bag in their pocket. (Not that that has ever happened to the author of this article or anything…)
You Are A Music / Movie Guru
Typically, a stoner will have a unique way of looking at music and movies, and such will love talking about either non-stop. They might tell you about the best albums you need to experience, or movies you need to watch, but they will hold the conversation for hours. Pro-tip, NEVER GET A STONER TO TALK ABOUT INCEPTION! It is the tan equivalent of asking a world-renowned mathematician to describe all fashions of trigonometry. YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING THEY ARE SAYING!
You have to hold the lighter near your face and as such, you might have accidentally burned your hair a few times. Especially if you are using a crack lighter and do not realize it. Additionally, you have probably burned yourself on your lighter head more times than you would like to admit. Special stoner points go to anyone who dropped a roach in their crotch and almost burned to genitalia, McDonald’s coffee style.
You Always Have The Connect
Some smokers only have one way of getting their hands on the mary jane. Potheads and stoners always have a way to get their hands on a bag of smoke. If the only reason you do not smoke more is that you do not have a way to get some, then as controversial as it sounds, you are probably not a stoner. Now some of you might be saying that is not fair because some people just can not afford it, and to that, I say, getcha paper up nerd.
It Is Part Of The Budget
After each paycheck, you actually budget for purchasing weed. You might also need to budget for rent and bills, but you never forget to leave a little aside for the ganja. Also, as bad as it might be to say, sometimes you might need to make a difficult choice as to either buy a few grams or to pay a bill. You definitely should never put yourself in financial jeopardy for weed, but we all have been there once or twice.
You Did Not Realize The Wrong “Your” In The Title
Chances are, you did not point out the spelling mistake in the title. Either that or you really need to learn the difference between you’re and your.
A stoner is someone who enjoys partaking in lighting the herb on fire, and they are some of the coolest people you can meet. Forget everything the older generation has said about marijuana and the people who smoke it, what do they know? Do you have any other ways to tell if you are a stoner or just a poser? Let me know in the comments below!
Senior at Central State University. Major in Broadcast Media!