I know this isn’t easy to figure out nor is it something you wanna find out. I did in fact date a selfish person so I’m speaking from experience. You may not even realize all the times your partner has made you feel like you had to put 80% into the relationship when they were only putting in 20%. It’s not ok and you shouldn’t let them make you feel that way. Down below is a list of ways to find out if your dating a selfish person.
1. You go by their terms not yours
You may not realize this now but really think about it. Does he have certain rules in the relationship you don’t really understand? Do your rules for him seem to get broken and you continue to set them anyways. For some reason, you can’t help but not go against what he says because you respect his feelings. Now, this may sound a little all over the place but let me clear this up for you. Let’s say your partner says I don’t like you hanging out with that guy, out of respect either you stop or you hang out with them less. But then when he’s hanging out with a girl who’s his friend, and you don’t like it cause you have your reasons, he or she has the nerve to act like they have all these reasons why they can’t stop their friendship or even let’s say hangout less, since your partner knows it makes you uncomfortable. A word of advice if your man can’t help but defend a girl who he claims he doesn’t know that well, he’s probably cheating as well as being selfish, this relates for women too, don’t trust her if she’s defending a man that she claims she doesn’t know that well. Before you jump to that conclusion, check out my link to my article, “How you can tell if your partner is cheating?”
2. Their feelings come first
This is a big one, and you might not even realize it at first. You seem to worry about his feelings over yours. You keep on doing this thing where you cater to his feelings. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do this. But don’t cater to his feelings when he’s upset about something you don’t agree with. Let’s say he tells you he doesn’t like hanging out with your friends, don’t pretend it doesn’t make you upset. Don’t cater to his feelings and try to avoid having him with your friends. When you’re in a relationship you both have to learn to cater to each other’s feelings, no one’s feelings override the others.
3. You’re spending more money on them than yourself
Now, this isn’t always a bad thing. Let me clarify what I mean. Sometimes we don’t realize were dating someone who takes advantage of our financial situation. I was with someone who always claimed they had no money all the time even thou this person worked all week and always managed to afford named brand items and etc. I was a walking wallet and if you ever feel this way you’re probably being taken advantage of. Don’t allow someone to make you feel this way. Now I’m not saying it’s wrong to pay for your partner or even splurge on them. But when it’s consistent to the point where they won’t even offer you a dime when you’re struggling. That’s where you draw the line.
4. Family events revolve around their schedule
Have you ever found it annoying how you’re quick to take off work for them in order to be with them for a family event, and when it comes down to them taking the day off as well, there’s always an issue? Or if they do it’s like a whole process. Plus if they make it seem liked their family event is more important then yours, that’s where you draw the line. In a relationship, you must both make sacrifices and one of those things is your time. So if you need to go to two family events in one day, so be it. Now I understand some of us have really important jobs and we can’t just take off work all the time. But even people with careers can manage to take off work or even leave work early when they know they need to be somewhere for their significant other. Even if they can’t always make it happen they at least try without all the back talk.
5. They expect pleasure but don’t want to give it back
This is one I know not everyone faces, but if you do you may be afraid to admit it. Believe it or not, there are selfish men and women out there, that expect pleasure but don’t really wanna give it back. When I say this, you may be your dating someone who doesn’t give back at all, or only gives back when it’s convenient for them. You know your being taken advantage of if you’re always giving and never receiving, and you’ll know this and it probably bothers you deep down and you don’t wanna bring up the issue, but it’s about time you did. Here’s a link to my blog where I have a whole article on this topic called, “Do you feel obligated to give pleasure in order to receive it? Here’s why you shouldn’t“.
6. Accept it and move on…
If you’ve just finished reading the rest of my points and have realized you’ve dated a selfish person and you think you can change them, you need to accept it and move on. Kick this girlfriend or boyfriend to the curb. Don’t allow them to drag you down and lower your self-worth. Because at the end of the day that’s what selfish people do. Now if one day which I don’t speak from experience, this partner or yours decides to change, well then good for you both, but it takes a lot to change a selfish person, so don’t waste your time.