Are you having trouble dealing with people talking behind your back? Yeah, I know how that feels.
Sometimes, it’s hard to confront someone when you have a problem with them, but one thing you should never do is talk behind their back. Ranting is one thing, but just spreading false and exaggerated information just because you’re upset is the lowest of all lows. But in life, this is something you can’t really avoid.
So, here are some tips on how to deal with people talking behind your back!
1. Did you do something to prompt this response?
The first thing you should do when trying to deal with people talking behind your back, is to self reflect on what you could’ve done that would’ve prompted such a response to begin with. Did you say or do something that could’ve hurt someone’s feelings? Or is it just a case of someone disliking you for something that isn’t within your control?
If it’s the former, try to look at the situation objectively. Obviously, they shouldn’t have gone ahead to talk behind your back instead of properly confronting you, but maybe they don’t have any inherent malicious intent. You could also see this experience as a learning process, and to improve yourself to avoid unintentionally hurting other people in the future.
If it’s the latter, just know that they’ve clearly reached the lowest of the lows in order to hurt you. They’re trying to grasp at anything and everything to talk bad about you, and you should realise that if it isn’t within your control, then it isn’t your fault and you shouldn’t feel sorry.
2. Consider the person doing it
The next thing to note when dealing with people talking behind your back, is considering the kind of person doing it. If it’s someone who has a track record of doing this to other people, maybe don’t take what they say too seriously. If it’s a close friend, consider that maybe they’re coming from a good place but just don’t know how to properly express their negative emotions.
3. Be the bigger person
In life, there are always going to be people who will be willing to step all over you to get farther in their careers, studies, social circles, etc. Know that these people are most likely looking to gain something from throwing you under the bus, and aren’t worth the time and effort spent being angry and upset. Be the bigger person and remain calm. Don’t rush in screaming at them the moment you find out they’ve been talking behind your back, you’re just stooping to their level and being just as immature as they are. Show them that you’re above their petty tactics, and that what they won’t hurt you as much as they’d like.
4. Confront them
The next step is to confront them- but not out of anger and resentment. Look at them straight in the eye, and approach the situation in a responsible and calm way. Tell them you’re sorry if you’ve ever done anything to have hurt them in such a way, but that regardless of what might’ve happened, you don’t appreciate them going behind your back to gossip about you, especially if it isn’t true. Remain calm and collected, and show them how mature relationships and conversations are supposed to play out, and make them realise how immature they’ve been acting. Confronting them tells them that you won’t just let people walk all over you without standing up for yourself, and doing so responsibly will show that you’re mature about the situation. Doing this will usually stop them from talking behind your back, but even if they continue to do so, they’ll know that you won’t be hurt by their words.
5. Move on
Finally, move on from the situation. Dwelling on the issue will only worsen your mood, and make you overthink things when you shouldn’t. Going on with your life as if nothing happened will show how unaffected you are by the gossip, and will be the best type of revenge against them anyway.