So you’re currently experiencing the tumultuous rollercoaster of being dumped. That is, being broken up with, and you’re unsure of where to go from here. To be honest, being dumped absolutely 100% sucks so don’t feel bad for feeling bad.
You may have had a seriously rocky relationship with this person. Perhaps you started off great and like you would be together forever, but soon everything turned upside down and you can’t figure out what you did for someone to suddenly change their mind about you. It does suck—I get it and I’ve totally been there. But understand that being broken up with is not a reflection of your self-worth, it is just an indication that one person out there is not the right person for you. When you come to realise that, it becomes easier to begin the healing process of being dumped.
In order to avoid feeling down after being dumped, a number of steps are involved that will help you to understand the situation better and how you might be able to get your sense of sanity back. Often when a person leaves us, we go through the situation endlessly in our heads, wondering what we did wrong, what we could have done to make it better, but doing this only prolongs your healing process.
So, take these tips with a grain of salt and a whole bar of chocolate. You absolutely 100% deserve it and don’t feel bad for being one of the thousands of people every day who are being dumped just like you and me.
Okay, before you can avoid feeling down after being dumped, you’ve got to feel down for a little bit—as counterproductive as that may seem. This means sitting through those uncomfortable feelings for some time, long enough so you are not consumed in the process of them but short enough so you can actually feel yourself releasing the negative emotions.
Find the best methods to grieve the breakup, and honestly, this can be different for each relationship you’ve had. Sometimes if the breakup includes heartbreak or cheating, this can be super difficult to overcome because you’ll be left wondering what you did wrong or what caused them to break your heart. If this is the case for you, I would recommend logging your feelings down in a diary or a digital journal and crying those tears until there’s nothing left in your eyes.
If you were emotionally manipulated or removed from a toxic person, then you may feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders, which can be great, but also extremely uncomfortable. It can be unsettling to realise you no longer have to deal with this person, but allow yourself to grieve this regardless. It’s okay to miss toxic people or people who may not have been good for you because, regardless, you had feelings for them and your life and mind revolved around them for a significant period of time.
So, take some much needed time to cry, scream into a pillow, have a bowl of ice cream and miss the person. This will help you to feel better later, I promise.
2. Channel the Energy In Other Places
Once you feel like you’re all cried out and grieved out, it’s time to start avoiding feeling down. And the best way to do that is to uplift your mood by engaging in activities that require your full concentration. For example, taking up swimming, running or gymming helps you to fully concentrate on the task at hand without running the risk of thinking about what made you sad.
Find activities that you really enjoy doing and flourish in them. Focusing on your talents and releasing negative thoughts through physical means will help you to release endorphins, the happy hormones. This will allow you to regain focus and refrain from the breakup taking up too much time and space in your brain.
3. Take Up a New Hobby
Perhaps your hobby reminds you of the person who you’ve been dumped by, and you’re inadvertently pursuing this hobby because it reminds you of them. If this is what you’re doing, stop it right now! You need some hobbies that are untouched by your ex, and if your ex even spoke about doing this activity with you in the future, forget about it and find another one.
Have you ever tried rock climbing? Hiking? Extreme paintballing or similar? Do you wish to learn how to play the piano or sing? This is an excellent time to try something new and out-of-your-comfort-zone. You’re on the path to a better and healthier you, without the weight of this person on your shoulders.
You’ve likely got some spare time up your sleeve now that you’re not with this person anymore. And if this is the case, then now is an excellent time to get involved in your local community and find out how you can help out charities, local organisations or your council.
Perhaps take up some time with a festival of your interests, such as an art or music festival, and find out whether you can help out during their runs. By getting involved and putting your time to better use, you spend less of it dwelling on the past and make constructive use of your time. This is perfect for those of us who are struggling students looking for work in the big adult world because it will also look amazing on your resume!
5. Maintain Self Worth and Create Your Closure
Perhaps you were dumped by a text message. Perhaps you were dumped in the middle of dinner and you were so embarrassed you had no idea how to approach it and avoided talking about it altogether. It can be rather difficult to accept being dumped, especially because likely, you didn’t see the breakup coming at the time that it did.
Process the relationship in your head. If your ex has dumped you, it’s likely things weren’t going well. Were you truly happy in this relationship? If you were, understand that the right person will be just as happy with you, and you deserve someone who wants to be happy with you just as you are with them. If you weren’t happy in the relationship, remind yourself why it wasn’t working for you and accept that things have actually turned out for the better.
Maintain your self worth by avoiding contacting the person who has dumped you. You don’t want to keep someone in your life who does not want to be with you. If you agreed to stay friends, I recommend staying apart and avoiding contact for at least a month to assess whether you can really benefit from having this person as your friend.
Understand that being dumped is not a reflection of your value. It simply means someone did not see a future with you and when you start to think about that, it becomes super clear why you can walk away with your head held high. You deserve a lover who wants you every day, and one person’s declaration of not wishing to see you anymore does not mean you’re unworthy of love. Process the heartbreak and hurt, create your closure by accepting things as they are and spend your time being independent and creative.
I promise you, once you learn to accept the breakup as something better for you in the long run, the sadness becomes easier to deal with. Cry it all out, be angry at them and draw horns on their photographs, but know that you’ll get through this better and stronger.