I don’t know if I’m particularly qualified to write this article. I myself don’t know if I give a shit about fashion as long as I’m not conforming to any of these trends. Personally, I don’t think many fashion trends have ever been accurate forms of self-expression. An obsession with expressing yourself through style choices typically stems from a desire to attract a person’s eyes to everything but you. Needless to say this article will be extremely subjective and probably annoying to most people. This list will also consist of bad style choices, since I don’t think the two are synonymous….With that being said, let’s get into the ten horrible fashion choices you’ve made.
1. Spiky Hair Is For Second Graders
Remember second grade? Remember when spiking your hair was considered cool? My how things have changed. Spiking your hair is perfectly acceptable if you’re a little boy. Just avoid doing it in your fifties please. Whatever you think it says about your disaffection, just know that it screams seven-year-old.
2. I’m Sure You’d Like To Forget Crocs
Let’s be honest for a second. Crocs are the most hideous shoes ever made. No, this has nothing to do with achieving some stereotype or mimicking what’s popularly perceived as cool. Crocs are just two horrible fashion choices. In retrospect, you probably recognize that, but boy did you think they were cool in third grade.
3. A Part Of Me Misses Thinking Heely’s Were Cool
Remember nonchalantly skating down the halls of your middle school periodically flipping your beiber bowl out of your eyes? Such fun times. My instinct is to cringe, but it’s almost enviable how blissfully delusional I was. Honestly though, ironically skating around campus with this pair of horrible fashion choices would kind of be epic.
4. Dying Your Hair Odd Colors Doesn’t Make You A Rebel
I don’t mean to offend those of you who have an affinity for dying your hair odd colors. The look does truly suit some people. But before you dye your hair some brazen color, just make sure you’re doing so for the right reasons. The color of your hair in no way defines who you are. Whenever I see people with dyed hair, I don’t immediately bow down to their bold defiance of social norms. Instead, my instant reaction is to peg them as smug emo teens who think that hair color is somehow a personality type. Dyed hair is just dyed hair. And on some people, it’s a horrible style choice.
5. A Buzz Cut Probably Wouldn’t Suit You
Keeping along the trajectory of bad hairstyle choices, I want to talk about buzz cuts. I myself have very regretfully made the decision of getting a buzz cut. Something you need to know before making that decision is that your hair will take ages to grow back evenly. Yes, they do suit some people. Most notably Justin Bieber looked amazing with his. However, if your forehead is as large as mine, not advisable. If I were you, I wouldn’t bother taking the risk.
6. Your Nostalgia Shouldn’t Dictate Your Horrible Fashion Choices
Going vintage is fine as long as it’s not done with the intention of clinging to the past. Those trends are likely dead for a reason, and a burning love for the past just comes across as disillusionment with the present. And you don’t wanna be that guy. You don’t wanna be the guy who hates his life and foolishly believes that time travel will somehow repair broken dreams. It won’t.
7. Stop Caking On The Eyeliner.
It just looks bad. I warned you that this article would be extremely subjective, and I think I’ve stuck to my word. It’s terribly distracting, and I’ll probably narrowly categorize you as some perpetual emo teen. Am I to bear the blame for my prejudice? Not completely, since you’re probably defining yourself along the same lines. Either way, wearing pounds of eyeliner is just a horrible style choice.
8. Facial Tattoos Aren’t Worth The Pain
The most common rebuttal to considering getting a tattoo is that it’ll look progressively worse as you age. I don’t really see a problem with this though, since you yourself will look progressively worse as you age. And for the most part, I don’t have an issue with tattoos. In fact, I think they can be beautiful forms of self-expression. I am a bit dubious when it comes to facial tattoos though. Plainly, I think facial tattoos are a horrible style choice. When your tattoo is constantly screaming that you have a tattoo on your fucking face, the meaning is a bit diminished.
9. Don’t Try To Be Fonzie
Keeping with edgy bad boy trends, we should address leather jackets. The look is so caricatured at this point that your friends will probably make Fonzie jokes behind your back. A common thread throughout a lot of these horrible fashion choices is that they may illustrate some awful stereotype you’re either willingly participating in or are oblivious to. Although the former is worse, don’t become the guy wearing a leather jacket. I’m guessing that you’re more than that.
10. Sagging Your Pants Was Never Cool
I was a bit wary of addressing this fashion trend, given the racial connotation that it may have. But, if readers instantly assumes that I’m being racist, that probably says more about them than it does me. If you’re white and you’re sagging your pants, stop trying to be black. If you’re black and you’re sagging, remember that you’re more than your race. Similar to how calling each other the N word reduces you to a product of your race, so is the case for feeling pressured to sag your pants. If you’re doing it because you think it looks good, that’s fine. But I highly doubt that’s the case.