The University of Pittsburgh Facebook groups are a great outlet for all of your needs at Pitt. Trying to sell some books? Looking for someone to live with you next semester? Lost your phone somewhere in South Oakland when you were drunk as shit Saturday night? The Pitt groups are the perfect place to find what you’re looking for. Most of the posts play by the rules and can make you easily fall asleep while you’re searching through sublet ads, but there are a few students who decide to shake things up with their Pitt group posts (or comments), making life a little more interesting for those of us who do not give a shit about the surveys you keep asking everyone and their moms to take for you. Here are 20 of the most outrageously hilarious posts found in the University of Pittsburgh Facebook groups. (Make sure you stick around for the last 3 MVPs on the list!)
1. Edward Scissorhands Girl
Hmm…bag of scissors? Sounds a little freaky if you ask me. I don’t judge whatever you’re into though, homie.
2. The Sea Otter Enthusiast
Nothing better to spruce up a boring-ass “live with me, I have a clean house” plea-post than some interesting fun facts about southern sea otters!
3. The overly enthusiastic sales pitch
This senior went through the trouble of getting added to a younger class’s facebook group just so he could yell at people to buy his used books. Bold strategy, I wonder if it panned out.
4. That one kid who says what everyone else in the group is thinking
If we’re being honest here, I think most upperclassmen would trade their soul for market swipes. Also shout out to this kid for giving me a cool new way to say no. SUPERNAWWWWWWW!
5. That one girl who is hilariously blatant and doesn’t give a shit who knows.
Good for her, who wants to help people anyways?
6. That one college kid who somehow has 50 bucks to spare after he gets robbed on the 10A
Okay first off, why are you going to reward someone who stole your entire backpack with $50 when they can definitely sell all of your stuff and make over $400? Second off, how do you let someone steal your backpack on the 10A? This is just such a sad post that it makes me laugh. I’m sorry, but not THAT sorry.
7. That person who honestly thinks they’re going to get 200 bucks for concert tickets from starving college kids
What are you thinking???? $200 for two tickets probably isn’t even in the Pitt professors’ price ranges let alone the students who get anxious buying a $2 bagel. A huge shoutout to that brave man who spoke the truth about only having $7 to his name, because I feel you man. Also, that’s precious alcohol money, but nice try.
8. The classic water crisis joker
This kid gets mad points for the Mad Max reference. Especially because Oakland really did look like a scene out of that movie during those two dreadful days.
9. I really hope this girl is kidding, but you can’t be sure in Trump’s America
I’m just going to leave this right here…
10. Bring on the Penn State jokes
Who knew Aristotle was such an avid Pitt fan?
11. Liam Neeson’s guest appearance in the Pitt Class of 2019 group
Those winter months are killer. Ha Ha you get it????? Ha ha ha, i’ll let myself out.
12. The elusive burger-making-phone-watcher man
This kid is AWFUL at watching people’s personal belongings. He got so worn out from watching the phone for three minutes and had to make a burger? Can’t trust any strangers these days. SMH.
13. That strange insurance commercial made into a Penn State meme
I love that little old man with the fishing pole. Giving a solid meme rating of 39/42.
14. That girl who really needed a date so badly she decided to reach out to the weirdos who actually look at the Facebook groups
Modern day romance at its best, folks.
15. One funny post brought to life…thank you
I’m in college so that one day I can become this dinosaur. Who said Jurassic Park was a bad idea, anyways? This video proved that dinosaurs can live peacefully with humans.
16. When the Wall Street Journal runs out of things to write about
Naughty Rooster that no one can catch???? Sounds fricken KINKY! Sign us up!!!
17. The kid who takes the roommate search to a whole new level
You can’t argue with his honesty, I’ll give him that.
And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for: THE PITT FACEBOOK GROUP POST MVPs.
18. The boy who really needed to know what kind of spiders Pittsburgh had before entering the city
This kid got 97 comments on a post about spiders!!!! When I first saw this post, I didn’t even think it was real. He didn’t even seem like his question was weird either. Dude is a hero.
19. The finals orgy that you’ve all been looking for!!!
This is one of the greatest masterpieces ever put together by a student at the University of Pittsburgh. Modern artists should take a crash course from whoever posted this, because it truly is spectacular. It’s not just a regular orgy though! It’s an orgy including some of your favorite characters from around campus including some of the following: the two guys who work at Las Palmas, the black lab from therapy dog Tuesdays, the one 10A driver who actually checks for Pitt ID’s (Fuck that guy, btw.), the market maggot, and so many more!
20. Last, but certainly not least, the most entertaining post you will find in the University of Pittsburgh Facebook Groups
Spoken like a true gentleman, this kid really gets it. Some of my favorite lines from his rant of a post include: “If you wear cargo shorts, please don’t fuck with me,” “Unlike most of y’all, I hate hockey but may attend a few games to shout obscenities,” and “fuck all those ugg wearing bitches posting about Netflix.” This post made scrolling through about 4,000 lame-ass posts about housing and class surveys worth the precious time in my life that I will never get back. Thank you stranger, you really are what the Pitt Facebook groups should be all about.
Here’s to the funny Pitt Facebook group people in the world, may the years be filled with more post shenanigans and less boring people looking for other boring strangers to live in their boring south Oakland houses!