Sex

The 8 Guys You Hook Up With At Miami University

Miami University has the stereotype that everyone is a spoiled preppy rich kid. Everyone shops solely at J. Crew, Polo and Banana Republic. You won’t catch anyone not wearing Sperry’s, or in the winter, duck boots. Everyone lives off of Daddy’s money and blindly follows whatever he says.

While these stereotypes aren’t entirely true (there definitely are a good number of these people at Miami), there are definitely a finite of guys you’re going to meet on the hookup scene. In fact, there are about eight different dudes you’re going to encounter at Miami University and here they are.

1. The “Yeah I’m in Farmer” Guy

This guy expects sex on the first night. He only talks about his summer internship with Deloitte. He definitely wears a Comfort Colors shirt to the bars. He pays the $6 cover to Brick with Daddy’s money. And, of course, he voted for Trump and isn’t ashamed to admit it either.

2. The “You Thought He Liked You But He Just Wanted Your Body” Guy

With this guy you definitely stay up into the wee hours of the morning talking about nothing but everything. He says he’ll visit you over J-term (and then, obviously, he doesn’t). You go on late night runs to Pulley together. He hooks up with another girl at New in front of you. He makes you feel psychotic for thinking it was more than a hookup. And he says “can we still be friends though?” but then never texts you back.

3. The “Idk Guys, I Think He’s Gay” Guy

He honestly dresses impeccably. But he compliments your top, not your boobs. He works at a Kofenya. You actually enjoy spending time with him. He expects a cooler and nothing else for his formal.

4. The “Beer Goggles” Guy

You only talk to him when your 1.5 trashcans in. You don’t make eye contact when you see each other at King. You know his drink order, but not his major. You’ve never seen his room with the lights on.

5. The “Loyal Follower” Guy

This guy helps you with your MBI 111 homework. He sas joked about kissing you under the arch, but is it really a joke??? He most certainly takes care of you first. He always picks you up at another frat when you need to be walked home. He might be comfortable, but not exciting.

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6. The “Victory Lap” Guy

He’s covering all the bases this time around. He knows his time is limited, so gets straight to the point. He’ll take you to Paesanos, not Pulley. He remembers when Shriver was the student center. He has switched his major three times.

7. The “Friends Who Make Out” Guy

You have to check his insta before you text him to make sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend. It’s okay to hook up on day four of your shaving schedule. You can expect a high five afterward. You split the bill at QB. You know he’ll never ask you to be his girlfriend and it’s probably better that way.

8. The “Second String Hockey Player” Guy

He has VIP at Brick and is clearly underage. He always wears HIS jersey out. He kicks you out early because he has practiced at 8 a.m. He swears he’ll start next week.

Who are the types of guys you hook up with at Miami University? Tell us in the comments!
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