The freshman dorm is a jungle, filled to the brim with wild animals, curiosities, and dangers around every corner. Who you choose to be friends with in your dorm completely depends on what kind of person you are, and most of the time your fellow dorm occupants will be fairly nice, pretty normal, and just as eager to make friends as you are. With that being said, every dorm has a few residents that always make an appearance. These are all the specific kinds of people you’ll meet in the dorm, ranked from worst to best.
#14: The Guy with an Acoustic Guitar
How does this guy still exist? How does he only know how to play “Hey There, Delilah”? Why is he incapable of reading the room? No, nobody wants to hear your version of “Cardigan”, Kyle. Get a new personality, you dick.
#13: The HypeBeast©️
One of my fondest memories from freshman year was of a guy who self-identified as a hypebeast. He didn’t provide any good memories, mind you, but we had a hell of a time laughing at him. He was also dating a 17 year old. Pass.
#12: The Weeb
You most likely won’t have to worry about The Weeb because they tend to be allergic to sunlight and socializing. Most of the time they’re not bad people either, but unless you’re willing to spend a couple of hours talking about Sailor Moon, it’s best to leave them to… whatever they do in their room. It’s probably best not to ask
#11: The Snitch
College is about experiencing some newfound freedom, most of the time which manifests itself in underage drinking. Not to condone those activities, but it always happens, and there will always be someone who doesn’t like it. Sometime’s The Snitch will take on the guise of The Social, only to bust you for having vodka under your bed.
#10: The Frat Boy/Sorority Girl
These people are always a lot of fun to be around, but the problem is that the party never stops. One night you’re deciding to go out on a Thursday, then you’re sleeping through your Friday lecture, and suddenly it’s the midterms and you haven’t been to class once. Time doesn’t exist with these people: drink at 11AM? Sure. Jump in the campus fountain at 4AM? Absolutely. Befriend these guys at your own risk.
#9: The Home Body
This is someone who regularly calls home, chats with high school friends, and generally keeps to themselves. It’s hard for everyone to make the transition into college, but this person stubbornly refuses to adapt themselves to their new surroundings. Sometimes they’ll have some legitimately delicious cooking from their mom, but good luck getting them to share it. Maybe try to steal their tupperware if you can.
#8: The Stoner
This is a valuable friend to have if you need a plug, but you have to be willing to suffer half-baked monologues about Star Wars and the “direction of our society”. Right on, man. Right on. Feel free to be friendly with The Stoner, just be sure to keep your distance: this is someone who will always, without fail, be caught by The Snitch or The Strict RA at some point during the year.
#7: The Academic
Feel bad for this one: it’s only their first semester and they’re already spending every single waking moment of their lives working on projects, watching lectures, and actually paying attention to their GPA. “Having fun” doesn’t exactly fit into their schedule, so these people will always prove elusive. It’s never a bad idea to be their friends though: when they end up running a multi-billion dollar company, hopefully they’ll let you crash on their couch.
#6: The Lounger
Most of the time, this is just someone who wants to make friends. They’re the most normal person you’ll meet at the dorms: amicable, willing to play cards or watch shows, and a good person to go to the dining hall with. Sometimes The Lounger will become your good friend, but it’s just as likely that they’ll just be a peer who fades once you’re no longer living together.
#5: The Strict RA
Like the strict teacher you had in high school or the parole officer you (hopefully) don’t have, the Strict RA really just wants the best for you. The problem is that they’re an incredible stick in the mud because they take their job very seriously. Treat The Strict RA like you would teach your boss: have a good relationship, but don’t get too comfortable with them. They’re great to have on your side when you have a problem with The Stoner or The Frat Boy, though.
#4: The Over-Eager RA
They’ll try to sucker you into showing up for rt night in the lounge, movie night in the community room, and other “get to know you” activities throughout the year, but ultimately they mean well. You don’t have to be best friends with the Over-eager RA, but you should at least have a good relationship with them. You never know when you’re gonna need something from them.
#3: The Chill RA
The platonic ideal of all the RAs, this is the one who knows that you were making a little too much noise at 2AM last night, maybe they could smell what was coming out of your room, but, hey, they remember freshman year. Analogous to that one cool uncle who snuck you into R-rated movies as a kid, The Chill RA has the power to help you out if you’re in need paired with the restraint not to narc on you. A friendship with these is a friendship indeed.
#2: The Holdover
Every dorm has someone who got shafted by the housing department and has to spend another year there. Especially as a freshman, having The Holdover as a friend is invaluable. They’ll show you the ropes, including the best times to go to the dining hall, the secret spot to light up, the one shower that’s warmer than the others. It’s like having your own personal guide through the often-turbulent beginnings of college. Respect your elders.
#1: The Social
The person who knocks on your door on the first day. The person who actually listens when you talk about your interests. The person who is always down for a dorm dinner date, or an art night, or a casual board game night, or really anything. This person is the best friend you can have in the dorm because they actually want to be your friend, and that’s something that is invaluable in your first experience in the dorms.