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Discovering Your Primary Love Language

Discovering Your Primary Love Language

When entering a romantic relationship it is important to have a conversation with your partner to share each other’s primary love language. A love language is how we show our love for someone, how we give and receive love. The five love languages are physical touch, quality time, words of affirmations, acts of service, and giving/receiving gifts. Understanding you and your partner’s love language can lead to a better, healthier relationship. It can be difficult to bring up how you would like your partner to show them how they love you, but if you make it a balanced conversation, both sharing your wants and needs, it should be a healthy and mature conversation. To figure out what your primary love language is read about each one below and find which one resonates with you most. Included is also ways in which you can show love through each kind of love language.

Physical Touch

If you prefer the love language physical touch then that means that you like physical expressions of love, pretty self explanatory. There are both intimate and on intimate touches that can be used to show your partner love. It is important to remember that you shouldn’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with. Here are some ideas to show love through physical touch.

– kissing

– cuddling

– play with their hair

– give them a massage

– shower together

– when you’re talking, hold their hand, touch their leg, and/or shoulder

– surprise them with a big hug, jumping into their arms

-put face masks on each other

Discovering Your Primary Love Language

Quality Time

The next love language is quality time. For this love language, it is important to give your partner your full, undivided attention. This means don’t be distracted when you are with them, like constantly checking your phone, talking to other people when you’re hanging out with them. Many of these ideas are date ideas to have with your partner. The main thing to take from this is that no matter what you’re doing together, make sure you are there and in the moment with them. Some ideas of how to spend quality time with your partner is:

-put your phone away while together

-painting in the park

-seeing a movie


-going out to dinner

-making dinner together at home

-playing sports or video games together

-read the same book and talk about it

Discovering Your Primary Love Language

Words of Affirmation

If your love language is words of affirmation then that means you give and/or receive love through spoken (or written) words that show love, empathy, support, and confirm feelings for your partner, during such a time when reassurance is needed. Some ways you can show love through words of affirmation are:

-write a note and leave it in their wallet for them to find

-send them a sweet good morning or good night text

-tell them i love you randomly throughout day

-write a card and give it to them on birthdays, holidays, or just surprise them with it on a random day

-when they need reassurance, don’t hesitate to confirm your feelings for them and tell them how much you love them

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Discovering Your Primary Love Language

Acts of Service

The fourth love language is acts of service. If this is your primary love language then you give or receive love by doing something for your partner that they would love and/or appreciate you doing. Or when your partner does something for you. Think of something you know your partner would appreciate you doing or just do something sweet for them. Some other ideas of acts of service include:

-make them breakfast in bed

-do the dishes

-take out the trash

-clean up around the house

-make them coffee in the morning

-help them with something before they ask you

Find something specific to them, and it will really show them how much they are loved by you.

Discovering Your Primary Love Language

Giving/Receiving Gifts

The last love language is gift giving. This is also pretty self explanatory but if this is your primary love language then that means you show your love by giving your partner a gift, or you feel loved by your partner giving you a gift. It shows that you or them were thinking of each other when you weren’t together. And people always give a bad rap for those who like this love language but there is nothing wrong with this. You shouldn’t feel guilty for having this as your primary love language, and in your conversation with your partner they should be accepting of this and should show you they love you through giving gifts sometimes. The gifts don’t have to be outrageous either, something small and sentimental is enough to get the message across. When you’re out and see something that the other person would like, pick it up for them, or grab some flowers on the way home for them.

Discovering Your Primary Love Language

Now, that we’ve gone through each of the five love languages, it is time for you to decide on which one resonates with you most. Then, that is your primary one. Just because one of them is your primary doesn’t mean that you can’t or don’t feel love in the other ways, it just means that this is the primary way in which you feel loved by your partner. By having an open and honest conversation about love languages, it can lead to longer, happier, and healthier relationships. It is also important to note too that the way you feel loved is not always the way you naturally show your love for other people. For example, your primary love language could be quality time but you show love through acts of service. It’s different for everyone. But sharing your wants and needs should feel comfortable to do with your partner, don’t feel bad asking for what you need, and if your partner can’t give you the bare minimum, then there is someone else out there who can.

Let us know how reading through these love languages helped you find your primary love language in the comments below!