Saying you’re not interested brings the anxious and complicated feelings on. You can say it by text, email, over the phone, in a letter, or not at all by going “Ghost.” Going ghost can be efficient in certain situations, but if you wish to let dates down easy with a quick explanation, then these 7 tips are for you!
1. Be Honest
We’ve all heard, “Honesty is the best policy,” which makes sense when the truth always comes out. Do you want to be left in a web of lies used to ease someone’s feelings, or rather say you’re not interested ridding the burden off your chest? This technique mainly aims to help those with a guilty conscience or those dealing with someone who plays games or gives rude vibes.
For those whose conscious hold to their morals, being honest will benefit you in the long run. Keeping up with white lies made to soften the blow to someone’s heart, will leave you remembering the useless lies and your heart will weigh heavy dragging the lie/lies around. You can be completely honest with the person without making untrue tales; here are a few examples of what to say stated below.
- “You’re a great person, but I cannot force something that isn’t there. The connection is not there and I feel it’s best not to carry this forward when you could be finding your someone special.”
- “My heart does not feel like it is the right time to be taking on a relationship at this time. You deserve someone who can be there for you. I wish you well in life because you’re an amazing person.”
- “I had a great date with you and you were respectable on all of them, but I do not see our futures coinciding with one another. We are on two different mind wavelengths when it comes to what we want in life. I feel it would be unfair to keep using each other’s time when it could be spent finding people whose lives have the same goals.”
If you’re dealing with a person playing games or treats/speaks to you rudely, then the time to cut them off starts now! You do not deserve games being played when you never asked or agreed to them. If you stated you’re looking for a relationship and they continue playing games, then this creates wasted time on both ends.
They’re treating you rudely now and they will continue to do so throughout the relationship. If you have addressed the problem to them directly and they continue to ignore it, nothing will change. In these cases, telling that someone exactly how you feel directly and respectfully begins a major improvement in your self worth and sends clear messages to the receiver.
- “I’m beginning to find it completely unnecessary for all the games being played. I never asked nor signed up for this. I told you my intentions from the beginning and I can see how they are not being respected. For that, find someone else because I am cutting you off.”
- “You keep playing these games like this and you are going to lose a real one. I’m stating facts, don’t play around and take this as a suggestion.”
- “You’ve been rude and not yourself lately, you need to let me know if something is going on because I’m beginning to grow tired of it.”
- “If you’re going to continue to be rude, you can lose my number because I do not deserve this.”
2. Busy Bee
Do you hear that? It’s the person you haven’t responded to in days because you became so busy you forgot to text them back. Take time to text that person back, especially if they did no wrong and you’re just not interested but do care for them.
Overextending can be dangerous when it comes to your mental health. Prioritizing responsibilities, events, workloads, etc can result in exhaustion when numerous things build up. With recognizing you carry a heavy load, do not feel bad for telling someone you will not have time for them, they need to respect and understand your decision. If they don’t, then it still serves as a win, for you can see they lack maturity.
By explaining everything that happened, or just stating simply life’s been busy, shows you respect the person enough to let them know they are not the reason. If you wish, add that you wish to stay friends and maybe in the future things will work out with that person.
- “Hey I’m so sorry that I haven’t texted back in a few days, life has been so busy lately! I don’t want it to seem like I’m leading you on. So with that said, I hope you can understand and we can remain friends.”
- “I know it’s been a while since we last spoke but I am super busy with (school/work/events) and I just wanted you to know that you’re a super chill and fun person, but I have too much on my plate for a relationship.”
3. Moving Away
This category goes in two different directions. The first situation applies moving several hours away, the second applies to only being temporarily stationed somewhere. With moving several hours away, statistically, it usually never works out in relationship terms.
Many people fear long-distance dating because of past experiences, so this normally scares people away. Even if they state they are okay with long-distance, you rebuttal by explaining it’s never worked out in the past.
When temporarily stationed somewhere because of jobs, family, or some other external force, this causes people not to grow close to others. In either of these situations, being wary of the other person’s emotions is essential. Either let them know upfront that you’re not interested in seeking a relationship or try telling them early on if you do not see it working out.
- “I had a great time with you last night, but I feel it’s best to tell you upfront that I will not be here for long. I am moving in a couple of months, so I cannot do a relationship.”
- “I do not want to lead you on, you’re nice and all, but I’m moving at the end of this year.”
- “I loved meeting you and had an enjoyable evening with you. Unfortunately, I am only here for 3 months for work and then I’m moving back home.”
4. Family Responsibilities
If you have several family responsibilities taking much of your free time and you know giving someone the attention they deserve in a relationship, looks not possible due to your situation, then respectfully let them go.
Dealing with family matters bears not only physical but emotional weight. Adding dating to the load makes it even heavier, especially if you’re not interested. Seeing the person be understanding and supportive shows maturity on both ends, if they become immature about the matter, take it with a grain of salt.
- “I have to take care of my family which takes up much of my time and I know you deserve someone who can give you the attention a relationship takes. I hope you can understand.”
- “My family needs me at this time and my life is not at a point where I can commit to dating. I apologize in advance, but this is not going to work out.”
5. Let’s Be Friends
This approach must be established early on, at the latest by the third month of dating. If you say this after a long period of dating, it gives the impression you were using them. It poses as rude when you wait longer because they could be attending dates with someone that values their relationship potential.
Staying friends with someone allows for communication to continue without the stress of a relationship hovering over. As friends, you can serve as a wing woman/man and set them up with people more suitable to them or with your friends.
- “I think you’re fun and I always enjoy talking to you, but I see us more as friends. I don’t want this to ruin anything or cause you to be upset with me because I will want to hang out.”
- “Is it cool if we just remain friends? I’m not getting the relationship vibe but I do still want to hang out as friends.”
- “I do not want to force something that is not there. I see us as friends and I feel like a relationship would make things feel forced.”
6. Found Someone Else
The dating stage opens opportunities to date, multiple people, without feeling bad about it! Dating around provides you freedom in discovering your type and what personalities you mesh with best. Your date probably does the same thing.
Telling someone you’re not interested because you found someone else, needs establishing within the time frame of “Going on dates.” If said in a relationship, people consider that cheating.
This can cause problems if the person becomes fixated on dating you. In cases such as these, let the person know that relationship commitments had not been definite and you never agreed to a relationship, only to dates.
- “Hey I know we’ve been going on dates to see if we want to continue things, but I have found someone. I hope you can understand and I hope you find your special someone!”
- “You’re super nice and any person would be lucky to have you. I have found someone else that I click with really well. I’m sorry it didn’t work out between us but I’m letting you know so you don’t get the impression I’m leading you on.”
7. With A Cake
An approach like this one requires non-serious situations between the both of you. Whether just friends trying out dating each other, a summer fling, or two people mutually noticing no interest in one another, this trick is sure to send the right message.
Baking or buying cake that says “Not Interested,” is simple, sweet, to the point, and a good laugh as long as the person has a sense of humor! You can even throw a card in for added flare.
- “One date was enough to know we didn’t have that spark, but this cake does! So blow out the candles”
- “We had a fling but you’re not the one for me. Now let’s have our cake and eat it too before we say goodbye for good.”