Screw that. Were in the day in age where old school romances are… well old school. Let’s be honest a lovey dovey relationship is something that sounds like a fantasy in this day and age. Forget about getting to know someone, it’s all about Tinder and hookups nowadays, whether you like it or not there’s really no way around it. But can you handle this newfound type of love, can you actually handle friends with benefits?
FWB or friends with benefits is a relationship between two people who are physically intimate with each other, but have no commitment to the other. And although this is definition of it, this relationship can play out in a million different ways. For one, the friends part is a little iffy, you honestly don’t even have to spend time with the person to be in a friends with benefits relationship. However, some people truly are friends with their partner and enjoy their company.
“So if we actually enjoy each others company and are enjoying the physical intimacy of it why not just date the person?” If you’re asking this question I’m here to save you the time of reading the rest of the article, you’re obviously looking for a relationship. Friends with benefits is a strictly casual type of relationship.
The main reason most people enjoy FWB is because of the benefits of not having to be in a relationship just yet. Whether they’re not ready for it, they just don’t want to commit, or just to enjoy a casual hookup now and again.
The aspect most people tend to struggle with the most is that friends with benefits is no strings attached relationship. Everyone goes into friends with benefits and know it’s no strings attached until you actually realize… it’s no strings attached.
It’s easier said than done. A lot of people want a FWB and have confidence that they won’t grow attached, until you’re actually in the relationship. If you’re in a FWB relationship you very well have a good chance of developing feelings for your partner that may not be reciprocated.
It’s especially difficult not to catch feelings once you’re intimate with someone. Listen, there’s an actually science to it. When being intimate, your brain releases Oxytocine, a hormone that promotes feelings of trust, bonding and loyalty. The release of this hormone after intimacy causes you to have some type of attachment and closeness to this person. So it’s not all your fault if you do end up catching feelings!
Like I said before, a lot of this special relationship is a lot easier said than done. Another major part of friends with benefits that people struggle with it the exclusiveness of it. Meaning you need to be able to go into this relationship assuming that it may not be exclusive. So can you handle the thought of your FWB being with other people?
As harsh as this may sound, expect the bare minimum. A friends with benefits is not a boyfriend or a girlfriend of any sort. Don’t be disappointed when you don’t receive any cuddles after, that’s how it is. A FWB doesn’t come with any bells and whistles, so don’t expect any gifts, dates, or flowers.
And you can’t be offended by this, it’s what you signed up for. Keeping your expectations low will prevent any type of heartbreak. However if this is something you are even a bit concerned about you should rethink embarking in a FWB relationship. You may find yourself feeling used, when in reality you agreed to the terms and conditions.
Communication is key in every relationship, but it’s especially important in this one. Although these conversations may look a little different than normal relationship discussions they’re still important. Treat these conversations like more of a monthly check in on each other. Like we discussed earlier, people maybe develop feelings at any point or time in a FWB relationship.
Yeah, it may be awkward to bring this up to your partner, but it shows a sense of maturity and can actually improve the relationship. Checking in will help you and your partner stay on the same page and gives them or you the chance to tell them if you are catching feelings and what to do about it.
These conversations should also include what you are looking for or what can improve in the physical aspect of the relationship. I mean what’s the point of having a FWB if the physical aspect of it is not good? Lastly, set your boundaries and expectations of the relationship as a hole. This can include talking about how to act around each other in group settings, if you’re keeping it low key or not, or anything else you feel is necessary to talk about to avoid any awkwardness.
Now that we’ve come to the concise’s of what friends with benefit is why is it that this is the new norm?Believe it or not FWB has been a concept for a while, the term was created in the 90’s. So why is it that the idea of FWB is still so popular.
Well, with the array of dating apps, finding a date is as easy as online shopping. But dating isn’t as common as hooking up anymore. Apps such as Tinder, Grindr, or Bumble are well known dating apps, that were at first used for dating or finding a partner to start a relationship with.
But now, these apps are used to find hookup buddies or friends with benefits. I know a lot of people who use these apps and eighty percent of those on the app are not looking for a serious relationship. So, is it so crazy to believe that these apps are promoting FWB?
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