Rated R

I Had Sex Right After I Waxed And Barely Survived

When you get a good waxing (on your vag), and you’re so proud of the way she looks, you want to show her off immediately? She’s soft, she’s styled, she’s sexy? But yet, they beauty technician who achieved these waxing heights tells you NOT to go out and have sex for 24 hours after. It always seemed fake to me – why can’t I have sex for 24 hours? I want put my freshly coiffed vagina to work – we both deserve it!  What’s the worst that could happen? I was laughing in the face of treachery, defying the waxing gods. I couldn’t have been farther than this dark truth. Here’s why you should NEVER have sex right after you wax; my testament of how I lived to tell the tale.

Setting The Scene

Ok, to put everything into perspective, here’s the circumstances surrounding my death-defying escapade. It’s August of 2018, my third year of McGill University is about to start, and I’ve just returned from spending a summer in Italy – aka I’m super tan. Although the summer was one I spent in a hiatus of men, my return to Montreal prompted my boyfriend and I to get back together. I had been wanting to get a Brazilian wax for a while; my pubes were long and itchy and while I was loving my summer body, I was NOT loving those pesky hairs. So, a couple days after getting back together, I wanted a lil something to flaunt, and I go to get a wax. The woman at the beauty parlour tells me not to have sex for 24 hours, as they always do, and I pay her little attention. After all, now that I have a boyfriend again after 2 months being sex-free, I’m horny and ready to play.

The Night Of

So I go to my boyfriend’s house that night, hoping the redness from the wax will go away quickly, as I’m intent on getting a good bang in. However, my vagina is defiant. She stays a bright shade of red well into the evening. She’s also pretty soft to the touch and a quite a bit sore, as post-waxing vaginas usually are, but I think nothing of it. Bedtime comes, and we have sex. Everything goes smoothly, so far so good. ‘Huzzah!’ I think. This ‘no waxing’ commandment has to be a myth. We fall asleep with no worries in the world, simply happy to be together, and me, smug, that I’ll never have to worry about when I get waxed again.

The Morning After

After a lovely sleep together, the two of us wake up, and have a little more sex before my boyfriend has to go to work. However, something seems off. The sex is a bit painful, and not inside me, as if it were a penetration problem. No no, it’s something to do with the outside, the labia. The friction from banging is uncomfortable, but stupidly, like the sex-hungry girl I am, I don’t stop – I keep going, truly spitting in the face of the whole waxing profession. The sex finishes, and I look down. My vagina is HOT. My vagina is SORE. My vagina is RAW. I panic. It looks like something is urgently wrong, and I start to wonder if maybe somehow I’ve got a raging STI. I decide to investigate in the comforts of my own home, and gingerly put on my underwear, kiss my boyfriend goodbye and start a painful 30 min walk back to mine.

See Also

The Outcome

What happened you may ask? Well my dear reader, let me tell you. I did not have an STI. Oh no, far from it. In fact, the friction from having sex right on the spot where hours before, hot wax had made my skin supple and innocent, gave me RUG BURN. I HAD RUG BURN ON MY LABIA, AND MY MONS PUBIS FROM SEX. WTF. The raw bits of skin healed with thin, reddish-brown scabs, making my vagina look like a strange, embarrassing, tiger printed entity. So, I word from the not-so wise: freshly waxed vaginal skin, when put in contact with fierce friction, such as that of a sexual nature, will give you rug burn. Do NOT try this at home.

What vaginal horror stories do you have? Let us know in the comments below!

Featured Image: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/beauty-hair/g3225/bikini-wax-styles/
Hannah Murray

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