First dates are tricky. You worry about everything: what you do, what you wear, where you’ll go, what you should say… The list goes on.
Worrying about what to do, however, is one of the biggest concerns on your first date, even if it isn’t the first first date in your life; at least it usually is for me.
However it does indeed become easier and more natural with time and experience. I haven’t had that many, but I have a lot of friends who have — so I’ve been leeching wisdom off of them. And now, I’m going to share it with you, too.
DO: Talk about yourself
Some people get very self-conscious when talking about themselves, and it especally shines through on their first dates. That is, however, a mistake.
It is not just important to let the other person find out things about you and, generally, who you are, it is also important to see whether they’ll let you speak and how they react.
If someone’s reaction to something about yourself makes you uncomfortable, be it anything as silly as liking cartoons, to anything way more crucial, like your bisexuality, then it might be a good warning sign.
DON’T: Talk over them
Just as it is important to show that you know yourself, it is also important to find stuff out about the other person.
In addition, it is just plain rude to make everything about yourself. Sorry.
DO: Mention politics
Now, you’ll think that I’m crazy if I offer to talk about any political stances on a first date — after all, a lot of people these days try to avoid these conversations to their best ability, and it’s true that they don’t always turn out great, sadly.
However, be aware that I’m not offering to chant your whole manifesto; I’m just recommending to mention something in passing, especially if your partner’s stances are important for you in a relationship. Their reaction might say a lot.
If you don’t care, then don’t. It’s as simple as that.
DON’T: Get into a fight
Even if they disagree with you on something wildly important, it’s not necessary to cause a scene. Feel free to ask why and have a discussion; however, if things start escalating, it’s best to just get up and leave, as sad as it is. Stay safe and save your time.
DO: Eat mostly whatever you want
A lot of people, especally female presenting, have this weird misconception that they should only have a salad or even just a drink — to look feminine, or whatever the hell that weird predisposition of theirs tells them.
It’s a lie and a ruse. You don’t owe anyone anything, and you sure as hell don’t have to impress anyone with how little or, on the opposite, how much you eat.
It’s not impressive, really, at all.
DON’T: Discuss your ex
Pretty self-explanatory. Nobody wants to hear about their crush’s ex-partner.
If you feel an incredble urge to do so, ask yourself why. Maybe you’re not ready for a new relationship — and that’s perfectly fine, all of us heal at different speeds, but that also means being aware that you don’t really need this date for anything but a rebound. And that’s not nice, neither to them, nor to yourself.
DO: Have a drink
If you want to, that is. Of course.
Sometimes, just a simple glass of wine does a lot to help you relax and get talking on a first date. And it’s important to be able to kick back and just relax and let the conversation flow naturally. There’s no need to put constraints on yourself and force yourself to be posh and proper; let the person know you how you really are.
But also be careful: have that glass of wine if you want to — it’s your right, and nobody knows how you’ll react to it better than yourself, but…
DON’T: Get drunk
There are multiple reasons for that. Drunk people get blabby, a bit lost and… they are extremely vulnerable. And you don’t really want to be too vulnerable in front of someone you don’t know that well.
Be especially cautious if the person you’re with insists way too adamantly on you drinking. It’s way better to be safe than to be sorry.
It’s a dangerous world, as sad as it is. And while in a good world you wouldn’t have to always be on the lookout for your safety, at the moment you, sadly, should be, even on your first date with someone.