So, you’ve gotten into The University of Queensland – or maybe you’ve already been here for years! It’s no lie that you’re attending one of the best institutions in Australia, but beneath its sandstone façade, UQ is more than just purple trees and inappropriate jokes about QUT. Keep reading for 20 things you’ll only understand if you go to the University of Queensland.
1. Needing to use UQNav on your first day of uni…and practically every day after that.
Unless you live on campus, chances are you’ve gotten lost in the labyrinth that is the University of Queensland at least a few times. Good thing some genius invented UQNav, responsible for saving the lives of thousands of freshers (and helping them look like antisocial idiots as they walk around uni glued to their phones).
2. The feeling of terror you get when you miss your sign-on.
Sign-on for classes is potentially the worst way to exacerbate the nerves of already-anxious uni students. There’s literally nothing worse than logging onto My Si-net slightly late to find that all of the classes for your tutorial are full. The solution? Take a deep breath, email your tutor and pray that someone drops out.
3. Having to buy yourself more lunch because an ibis stole yours.
The ibis population of the University of Queensland is rampant and probably outnumbers our 50,000 students. These birds have free reign on campus, strutting around and sneaking food out of unsuspecting students’ hands. Beware your ibis overlords, they know more than you think. And don’t even get me started on the bush turkeys.
4. Realising you’ve left your exam prep too late when the jacarandas begin to bloom.
It’s been said that Semester 2 exams are nigh once the first purple flowers start to bloom on the jacarandas. If you’re superstitious, make sure not to let a flower fall on your head or it’s bye-bye to those passing grades! Or, just don’t take note of a 100-year-old myth and study hard. Take your pick.
5. Being out of breath for an eternity because you had to walk up the Hartley Teakle stairs.
Clearly the most hated building on campus, Hartley Teakle isn’t just located riiiiight at the back of UQ, but it’s also home to way too many flights of stairs. By the time you reach the top of the tower (silently cursing how narrow the stairway walls are) you’ll be so over it, you may as well just skip class.
6. Feeling personally victimised during StuPol week.
Ugh, StuPol. The bane of every apathetic student’s time at university. For one horrible week each year, overzealous candidates hound and harass us on our leisurely strolls around campus. Yes, we understand it’s for a necessary cause, but can we please dial back the drama? I just want to eat my $2 sausage in peace!
7. Voting because you’re poor and need a $5 food voucher.
Speaking of StuPol, the only reason our voter turnout is somewhat respectable is because of the reward – a coveted $5 food voucher. Pay for your morning Boost juice or a sausage roll from the bakery with the knowledge that you contributed to democracy.
8. The moral grey area that is UQ Stalkerspace.
One of the perils of attending uni in the digital age is how everything is broadcast on social media. Cue Stalkerspace: a place to air your parking grievances, ask out unsuspecting classmates and post irrelevant memes. We’ve all seen those odd, 1am exhaustion-induced posts that no one can comprehend and had a little chuckle to ourselves.
9. Being called a day rat by college kids.
The conflict between day rats and college kids will go down as one of the most savage and ruthless in history. Always at each others’ throats, these two warring groups like to attack one another via social media or in person at events.
10. Hitting up the Red Room after a particularly boring lecture.
There’s no better cure for those mid-afternoon uni blues than a good pint at the Reddo. Play a game of pool, munch on loaded fries, and forget that in an hour it’ll be time for your equally as tedious tutorial.
11. Trying to get a bus at 3pm and failing spectacularly.
If you’ve ever finished class at 2:50pm and headed to the UQ Lakes bus stop, you know the meaning of true chaos. The line for the 66 has wound itself all the way up to the Refec and the screams of tortured commuters fill the air. Those with trains leaving at 3:10 – we salute you.
12. Having to suffer through summer classes with just a fan to cool you down.
The University of Queensland has some amazing facilities, but every now and then, your class will get stuck in a rickety demountable where air conditioning seems like a far away myth. If actually attending university in March wasn’t hard enough, when the temperatures are still in the high 30s, you’ll want to lie in bed with Lecture Capture and your A/C on full blast.
13. Taking advantage of the free breakfast because you have zero money.
One of UQ’s most redeeming qualities is its acknowledgment of how penniless we all are. Thus was born the free breakfast, where broke souls line up for a bowl of cereal to kick-start their day. Help us, we’re poor!
14. Venturing out to the RE in first year and thinking it’s the best thing ever.
The Royal Exchange Hotel, aka the RE, is the firstie’s hotspot of choice. Hit this place up and you’ll find college kids in droves, drinking cruisers and falling down the stairs in their high heels. We can’t blame them, though – we were all tiny, embarrassing freshers once!
15. Freaking out when you think you’ve spotted the Glorious Ranga Mullet…before realising it’s no more.
This one’s for my third and fourth-year students. Back in the good old days, the St Lucia campus echoed with tales of a luscious, flaming red mullet. Spotting him was cause for celebration…until the World’s Greatest Shave came along and we lost the legendary mullet for good. Thankfully, his story will go down in history (and Stalkerspace) forever.
16. Waking up at 6am just to get a parking spot at uni.
The University of Queensland is notorious for its poor parking to student ratio. For those who like to drive…well, getting a spot (that won’t cost you $2.50/hour) is a challenge. Over the years, students have worked out a fail-safe way of securing that coveted park – dragging their butts out of bed before sunrise, because there’s no way you’re getting one after 8am.
17. Forgetting other UQ campuses exist because all the action’s at St Lucia.
Most UQ students attend class at the St Lucia campus, conveniently located in the heart of Brisbane. Unbeknownst to many, though, is the existence of THREE other campuses. Gatton, Ipswich and Herston are all out there somewhere, with thousands of students in attendance. Seems fake, but okay.
18. Selling your soul to the Co-op bookstore every year…if you can even be bothered to buy textbooks.
Textbooks are insanely expensive, but yet, we still hand over our hard earned cash to the Co-op each semester. It’s fine, nobody actually needs rent money. NB: This applies to students who actually purchase their textbooks, not those who freak out come exam time and beg their friends for photocopies (me).
19. Madly inputting your grades on whatdoineedonthefinal.com to check if you even stand a chance.
Sometimes you get to the end of the semester and the thought of trying your hardest on an exam doesn’t really appeal. What Do I Need on the Final was invented for these moments…or when you’ve failed so spectacularly that you need to check it’s even possible to scrape a 4. 110% for a pass? Sounds legit.
20. Leaving UQ for 3+ months every year and actually coming to miss it…if only a little.
No one in their right mind could actually miss uni work, but during the summer break, it’s actually kinda easy to miss some of UQ’s better qualities. Friends, events, the Red Room – all of these things are on our (pretty darn awesome) campus. I’m sure everyone can agree that when graduation rolls around, we’ll be outie, but not for good…bring on the alumni events!