It’s (probably) said that your university years are about questioning yourself. Who are you? Where do you belong in this world? Why have you decided to cram twelve weeks of readings into the final two days before your exam? On top of the usual uni student dilemmas, going to Monash University means asking a few pressing questions of your own. Keep reading for 10 things every Monash University student asks themselves!
1. “Will I have to sign a petition to get inside Campus Centre today?”
Because whatever great cause they are fighting for needs to step aside for my morning coffee.
2. “If I do get into Campus Centre, will I be evacuated minutes later?”
If there’s one thing Monash loves more than being a concrete jungle, it’s hosting fire drills. You may as well forget that coffee. It ain’t happening.
3. “If I go into the Menzies building, will it fall over and crush me this time?”
During swot vac, you can always hope, right?
4. “Will I be able to find a park today, or should I just drop out?”
Just drop out. At least now you can stay home and catch up on missed MKR episodes.
5. “If I get nothing but HDs for the rest of the semester, could I boost my WAM to…”
Don’t. Just… don’t.
6. “What is the clock trying to tell me?”
And does it get its messages from Sir John Monash beyond the grave?
7. “When is Subway going to open?”
Or at least, we all asked ourselves that question, until it finally arrived late 2016!
8. “Should I have gone to UniMelb?”
Nah. Who needs a degree from Australia’s highest ranking university when your uni has a bronze statue of Sir John Monash to admire instead?
9. “What can I use to bribe somebody to swap tutorials with me?”
The question asked by the desperate soul who has just been assigned an 8am tutorial on Friday. Alcohol is the answer, my friend, used either as a bribe or a coping mechanism.
10. “Is Turnitin gonna snitch on me for using a similar phrase in my biology essay about cells to a student from the University of Tokyo in 2011 who was writing about dramatic arts in the fifties and the influence it had on modern threatre?”
Probably, but you’ll just have to hope that your marker will exercise common sense and realise that it’s a pure fluke.