Expectations are too high because we’ve watched too many rom-coms and read too many fictional books about the ‘gentleman’. Going on a date is no longer a guy opening a door for you and telling you you’re beautiful as they stroke a strand of hair behind your ear, it’s asking if you wanna come over for Netflix and Chill. Tinder has ruined romance.
We expect so much because of the films that guys can never live up to the fiction. Or at least most guys, you do have the occasional guy that wants to live up to those books and films. And any girl that receives that treatment is a very lucky girl, but she should never expect it from him.
So what are the signs that we expect too much from our SO?
1. Comparing It To Social Media
Social Media is the bane of relationships. Everyone is showing off their relationships on there, making it look like it was made for the next romantic box hit. But social media is a half-truth. We only show the good, who wants to brag about the fights or the farting in bed?
If you’re comparing your relationship to social media accounts then yes, your expectations for your partner are going to be too high. No one can live up to extravagance on Instagram, these photos are so posed that they could never be recreated in a real relationship.
The positioning of every fruit on the breakfast in bed photo has been thought out for maximum effect, the girl posing in front of the Eiffel Tower will have had to hold her drink in that position for at least 5 minutes.
Don’t compare your relationship to that online, know that what you have in front of you is real and believe it or not, that’s better than the posed photos online.
2. Comparing It To Friends
Just like with social media, comparing your own relationship with friends around you can be just as toxic. However, with friends its worse, because you are around it in person.
But just as with social media, friends don’t show you the full picture. Yeah, they may brag to you how they are going away on holiday this weekend just ’cause, but you don’t see the reason he is having to take her away.
Don’t compare relationships with anyone, no one has it perfect, and expecting your own boyfriend to live up to that idea of perfection is ridiculous. Everyone is human, they won’t get it right all the time.
3. Self-Esteem Depends On Your Partner
An expectation that some people expect from their partners is that they keep their confidence boosted. You don’t feel good and happy unless your partner is there with you complimenting you.
What’s the point of doing anything if you aren’t going to get a compliment from them? You dressed up but he never told you that you looked gorgeous, so you feel ugly.
But that’s not how it should work. You are your own person, you can keep your own confidence boosted. You’d dress up, you can compliment yourself. You’ve put the effort into looking good, so feel good for it. You don’t need your partner boosting you up all the time.
He isn’t there to keep you happy, he is there to share happiness with you. So don’t expect him to constantly be making you happy, he has his own life to sort out. You need to work on your own to make sure you’re happy in yourself, by yourself first.
4. Think You’ll Never Fight
Couples fight. Thinking that you won’t because you’re so in love suggests your expectations are definitely too high.
You can’t avoid the issue, so just accept the fact that you will and move on from it each time. It doesn’t mean that your relationship is any worse off for each fight, in fact, it makes it stronger half the time.
5. Never Feel Good Enough
This is mainly directed at your partner. That your expectations make him feel not good enough for you, or that you think he isn’t good enough for you.
Your partner is probably a great guy, but you keep expecting too much from him which he can’t live up to. So each time you seem disappointed in him, it hurts him. He always thinks he’s letting you down, and this takes its toll on your relationship.
6. Your Friends/Family Don’t Agree
A big sign that your expectations are too high is if your parents or friends don’t agree with your thoughts on the matter. Some of your friends will think you should be grateful for such a nice guy, but you think he could be better.
If your friends and family don’t agree with your demands, know that your expectations are definitely too high because these are the people that want the best for you. They aren’t going to stop you from getting what you want. But they want you to be realistic.
7. Want Them To Read Your Mind
Reading minds is a power that very few people possess, unless you’re a superhero. So expecting your partner to know what you’re thinking all the time without you having to tell him is near impossible.
He needs you to tell him that you are hungry, he’s not just going to bring you food miraculously. You want to go on a more romantic date? Then tell him that ‘s what you want, if he’s the right guy for you he’ll be more than happy to oblige because he wants to make you happy.
But expecting him to just know what to do all the time is too much. You need to voice your feelings.
8. Want To Be Their No.1 Priority
Unfortunately, you aren’t his No. 1 priority. His first priority should be himself, and chasing his own dreams. He is his own person and he is going to do the things he needs to do in his life.
You are his close-second priority.
But this should be the same for you. You need to look after yourself first, and then tend to your partner. You need to work on your own happiness before you can make them happy.
So no, you aren’t going to be his No.1 priority because he has a job he needs to go to. A life he needs to live. To expect him to drop everything for you and to spend every minute with you is asking too much.
You are your own people, with your own lives before you are girlfriend and boyfriend.
9. Think Romance Should Be Extravagant
Again, movies and books have made us think romantic gestures have to be grande. If you think that you should be receiving flowers every week and being taken to romantic restaurants all the time then you are missing the romance in the everyday relationship.
Romance isn’t expensive gifts, romance is cuddling on the couch mindlessly stroking each other under your thumb. It’s giving her your gherkin because you know she loves them. Romance is in the small gestures as much as in the big.
So if you expect romance to be big, re-evaluate your understanding of romance and look for the love in every other gesture throughout the day.
10. Long List Of Deal Breakers
If you can’t get past the first few dates because he doesn’t pass your standards then know your expectations are probably too high. Or you are really bad at choosing guys to date.
If you aren’t willing to date them because they don’t live by themselves, or they don’t earn 6 figures, or own a car, or have a six-pack, you need to lower your expectations of the guy you are dating.
He isn’t your bank account, and he isn’t your private taxi service. Your list of deal breakers should be whether he is rude to the waiter, or he interrupts you as you speak.
Expect politeness and care in his behaviour, not for him to be established in the world already. If he can make you laugh and you can talk for hours, then his car shouldn’t matter.