It’s a hard question to answer, whether to go for an old flame or a new love. It’s something that most people will say only your heart can figure out, but I have some questions that will make your head figure it out instead.
One way you can do it is by making a pros and cons list about each person and seeing who has the most pros. But try these simpler questions first before you pull out a pen and paper.
How Did It End?
To go back to an old flame depends on how it ended between you both. If it wasn’t that serious of a relationship then it is easier for you to go back to them because there aren’t any hard feelings against each other about the break up. Say if it was just you didn’t have enough time for each other then you don’t have any reason to not go back.
But if it was a more serious relationship that saw an uglier ending then things become more complicated. To go back would mean to forgive and forget the hardships of the relationship previously. If you can then good for you, but what you need to remember is that:
They were an ex for a reason.
For whatever reasons you broke up, they will still be there if you get back with them. Don’t be fooled into thinking everything will be peached the second time round, it will still be hard. But if you are willing to put the effort into making it work properly now then good luck.
Are They Your Second Choice?
Is taking them back or you going back to them meaning you are the second choice. No one wants to be a second choice, and you are better than being a second choice. To go with a new guy would mean you are there first choice which is what you deserve.
If you are taking them back does that also mean that you are settling? Do you deserve better than what you are going back to but think it is easier to go back to someone you know then someone new. It’s scary starting new but it will be better for you then settling for something that you know you can do better than.
Is It Just Nostalgia?
Are you looking at the past relationship as better than it was? Are you wanting to go back for something that isn’t true? Nostalgia can be a bitch because it makes you remember the relationship to be better than it was.
Why go back to a relationship that was mediocre when you can have something new that could be everything you’ve ever hoped for. Don’t stop yourself from getting something amazing!
Do You Want New Experiences or Familiarity?
Another positive to starting something new with someone else is getting to experience new things. They can show you new things that you never would have seen/done with anyone else. Going back to someone from your past means familiarity but also no surprises. You know everything about them but that means they can’t show you anything knew anymore.
A new partner can show you a beautiful spot in the city they have found, or a restaurant only they know. Even an activity or music that you could fall in love with.
Familiarity is great, and you can fall back into a comfortable lifestyle with them because you don’t have to do all the ‘what’s your favourite colour’ questions. But does that also mean it will be a bit more boring?
It depends what you are happier with. If you would prefer going through new experiences with a new love or being comfortable with an old is up to you.
Butterflies are always the great part about new relationships, there is an excitement to seeing them and getting to flirt again. Dolling up for the dates and going through the nerves and excitement of the dating life. But again, it depends if you see this as a positive or not.
I know that not everyone enjoys the butterflies and nerves of the first few dates, but I think that it’s a great time. Where you put the effort into making a good impressions to each other, showering and shaving, putting a nice shirt on a nice dress.
The build up to the first kiss as well. I love experiencing things for the first time with people. Making new memories. But if you prefer when the butterflies are gone and you are settled then perhaps the familiarity of the old flame is best for you.
Was the sex life good enough for you want to go back to? I know it sounds trivial, but if the sex was boring, mediocre, or just plain bad, why go back to the old flame?
Everyone says that a relationship is better than one night stands because you are with someone that actually knows what you like in bed, but lets be realistic for a second. Your partner doesn’t always know what you like. They think they do, but they actually don’t.
So don’t go back for a bad sex life. Don’t settle for mediocre. There is someone out there who will be better in bed and will give you the best orgasms of your life. Don’t settle until you find that person that is the best you’ve ever had.
You Already Know The Family
Going back to an old flame also means going back to their family. This could be a good thing, you’ve gotten over the initial introduction and you have built up a relationship with his/her family. It’s a shame to throw that away, I appreciate that. And it beats having to meet the new guys family and finding some common ground between you and their mother.
But if you never got on with their family it can be a clean break. Why go back to a negative atmosphere when you could strike gold with the new guys family. He/she could have the most welcoming mum ever, who makes you cakes just because.
Is their family a turn off or a plus?
No Shock Surprises
Going back to an old flame means no bad surprises, you know what’s coming. I know I’ve been spinning this in a bad light but it isn’t always. An old flame means you know what is coming in all areas.
There are no weird fetishes that will scare you off, and no food preferences that will make you gag. No shock surprises that will make you wish you had never gotten into the relationship in the first place.
Who Makes You A Better Person?
In the end it comes down to who you get on better with? Who makes you laugh more? Who makes you happier? Who makes you a better person, most importantly. It isn’t about who of them are the better choice, but who brings out the best in you. When you have that answer you’ll know which you should chose.