I never imagined that we would breakup. I remember meeting you for the first time. I remember what it’s like to feel butterflies every time I saw you and wonder if you felt the same. I remember falling in love so much that it still hurts to think about it, even after all this time.
I was in love with you.
When people would ask what we were, I would say “just friends”, but we both knew “just friends” don’t kiss each other. It was like that for a while, you and me, sneaking around and playing make believe. Until one day, we just began dating, kind of like we had been all along. From that moment on I couldn’t picture a day without you.
You put me back together.
I never knew how much a boy’s smile could make my head spin and my body warm. I couldn’t experience anything without wanting you to be there too. I loved to share a laugh or a kiss, or to feel your hand fit perfectly in mine. We had our own little world, until one day, we didn’t.
You broke me.
How could the one person who put me back together break me? You loved all my flaws and told me how beautiful I was without all that makeup. You said that no one could ever compare to me or love you despite your flaws… But you broke me. Maybe there was someone else, maybe the timing wasn’t right, maybe you just weren’t the one for me. I spent so much of my time loving you, and when you left, I forgot how to love myself.
But I put myself back together.
I know he will never read this. A part of me wishes he would. He left me weak and weary, but now I am strong and confident without him. What I’ve learned most when suffering through a broken heart is to not dwell, or be bitter. Do not be angry with the person who left you, because there is a reason they are gone. I’ve learned it is foolish to waste your time thinking about someone who doesn’t think about you. Do not let yourself believe that there is no one else out there for you. I have my whole life ahead of me, and being in college has reassured me of that. A breakup will not stop me from living my life.
Going through a breakup can be so hard, but it is so important to take the time to meet new people and put yourself out there. Read a book or go on a run. Compliment people. Drink coffee early in the morning and write down things you love about yourself, or things you want to improve. Work on them, and do it for yourself, not for anyone else.
He left you because he could not love you anymore, but that doesn’t mean you should stop loving yourself.