Welcome back to A Guy’s Guide! She’s mad at you, huh? I’ve been there, done that, let’s see what we can do to fix this.
1. Be Cool, Arguments Are Natural
Think about your siblings, friends, parents, classmates and teammates. Because you respect and love these people. When they do something that hurts you, not a second goes by until you tell them that wasn’t cool. Arguments are natural things that occur when two people spend more time together.
My Tip: She won’t break up with you after one fight. If she does, it’s better for you in the long run because anyone who does that is immature.
2. Don’t Interrupt
There are a lot of things we decide are too small to argue about (i.e., taking too long to get ready or dropping last-minute plans on you). So when your partner decides to actually voice something with you, that means it’s important to them. Just hear her out all the way, until the end.
My Tip: Don’t interrupt. Literally wait for her to ask you a question, or take a big pause for you to enter the convo. Let her say everything she wants to say, and then give yourself time to process it. Next? Read on.
3. Talk About It
If she told you that she’s angry at something that you did, but “It’s not actually a big deal,” don’t sweep that under the rug. Talk about it. Over time, that thing under the rug will grow more and more, and eventually create a huge divide between you two.
My Tip: Be honest when you talk. Tell her you don’t want this to fester and you want to know what’s on her mind.
4. Gifts Won’t Fix Things
The only thing that will make each of you feel better about the argument is talking through it. When you buy her a gift, you haven’t fixed anything, you’ve just distracted both you and her with a shiny toy.
My Tip: If you’re going to buy something, talk first, then gift.
5. If You Wanna Yell, Don’t
Talk the thing you want to yell. This way, your strong feelings get to be heard, and not kept in your head. You’re also telling her what you think in an “inside voice” tone, which is 2,000% more calm than yelling. In my experience, yelling makes it worse even when I know I’m right. And I’m always right…
6. Don’t Solve It With Sex
This is a small tip that I have picked up over the years. If you guys start banging right after a resolution, or as the resolution, you haven’t actually solved the problem. Instead, you’re letting your raw emotions sweep it under the rug because you wanna bang more than you wanna argue. I mean this sounds totally correct, but it is not a good answer to the problems you have between one another in the long run.
My Tip: Just say you don’t want to have sex right after an argument.
7. Are You Prone To Anger?
Our culture has taught us that the right way for masculine men to respond to a situation they are unfamiliar or disapproving of, is with anger. We’ve all made spur-of-the-moment verbal comments that we regretted. Maybe we felt like we were being attacked and still had a valid point, but yelling never helps your case. Getting more angry in a situation does not lead to a mutually resolved resolution.
My Tip: Give yourself time to collect your thoughts. Then tell her about your tendency to get angry. Say you’re working on it. It won’t be easy. But you care about the relationship too much not to work on it.
REMEMBER: Disagreements Are Necessary For A Healthy Relationship
Disagree with me and you’ll be proving my point. I had two relationships that were polar opposites. One was a relationship in which we didn’t argue once. In the other one, we argued every other day (without exaggeration). The fault was each of ours: neither of us were big enough to calm down and settle things like adults. The fact of the matter is that those experiences made us adults. If you’re having a tough time with your girl or boy rn, take a deep breath and remember this is all a personal journey to a more mature you. Whether you want to find The One, or could care less at this point, your arguments with your partner will lead you to maturity… As long as you read this article! Haha. Nah, you’ll be fine without this.