Let’s be real. When you have a post hook up encounter, it’s not usually something to look forward to. Maybe you didn’t intend to go home with anyone that night. Maybe it’s your friend’s ex-fling (guilty). Maybe you hooked up with your best friend and totally regret it (also guilty). No matter what the hookup context, there are some ground rules for how to handle these situations. Here’s what to do when you have to deal with this sticky situation.
If it was someone you never see or a one-night stand:
1. Ignore, ignore, ignore.
Sometimes, you have to resort to completely ignoring the post hook up encounter. No one’s going to shame you for this. You might actually be able to pretend you were so drunk you just don’t recognize them in the daylight. Most of the time, the other person’s on the same page. We can all just pretend it never happened and move on with our lives accordingly.
2. If this person approaches you, be friendly but distant.
Some people just don’t understand that you can have one night and then leave that night to die in the hole it crawled out from. If your one-night stand comes up to you and tries to make small talk, it’s going to be a little bit awkward. Make polite chitchat, but also make it clear that there isn’t really anything to this relationship other than a funny story you’ll tell when your’re 30.
If you and your hookup share a lot of mutual friends:
3. Feel free to break the ice.
If you know you’re going to see this person a lot, it’s better to just go ahead and get the awkwardness out of the way during your first post hook up encounter. You don’t necessarily have to bring the hookup up (in most cases, it’s better that you don’t) but you want to reestablish the relationship as platonic (unless you have other intentions).
4. Deny, deny, deny.
Of course you could always take the other route and just pretend things never happened. While this could cause weird feelings to linger a bit longer, if you’re not interacting with this person a lot outside of your mutual friends, it may be simpler just to let things dissipate on their own.
If your hookup is your friend:
5. Assess the situation from your end.
You first need to figure out why things played out the way they did. While hooking up with a friend doesn’t necessarily mean you have feelings for them, you need to look at how things got to that point. Does the other person have feelings for you? Do you actually have feelings for them? You need to know where everyone’s at before you can move forward.
6. You’re probably going to have to talk about it.
This is a conversation that people don’t particularly want to have, but not having this conversation can leave your friendship in shambles. It just leaves too many unanswered questions. If you don’t have any feelings for your friend, go ahead and just laugh off the hookup. This sets your intentions without the other person feeling too rejected. If you do want something more from your friend, try to feel out the waters to see where they’re at. Either way, you need to leave the conversation with some sort of resolution about where the friendship stands now.
If your hookup is someone you like but are not friends with:
7. Go chat them up (just don’t be weird).
Most of the time, you can get a pretty good gauge if a hookup could be something more. If you’re getting those vibes, then go talk to that person! It becomes a lot easier if you have something in common with them outside of a party, but one way or another, it’s not too hard to get that flame going again.
8. If you feel they’re not interested, be polite, but cut your losses.
Unfortunately, things don’t always work out the way you want them to in a post hook up encounter. If you go talk to your new crush and can sense they’re just not feeling it, it’s better to let it go now. Yeah it sucks, but hey, at least you got the chance to hook up with them once! It’s their loss.
Seeing a hookup on campus doesn’t have to be the end of the world. If you know how to handle it right, you could hook up with the entire campus and never have a bad situation (I personally do not recommend hooking up with the entire campus, but you do you). So get out there and hook up without fear, ladies. You’re good to go.
Have any advice for someone dreading that post hook up encounter? Comment below!
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Miranda is a student at Chapman University and is a member of CA Omicron chapter of Pi Beta Phi.