It seems nearly impossible for exes to just be friends. Some think that once the relationship is over that your friendship has to be over, and that may be the case for some, but it doesn’t always have to be. Read on for 5 tips on being friends with your ex.
1. Get over it.
Breakups are never easy. If there is one thing that I have learned about breakups it is that time and space really does heal you. Unless you and your ex agreed on breaking up and to remain friends, let yourself sulk on the idea of being single again.
Some people love to be single and feel liberated when they are out of a relationship, but then you also have people who are happiest when they are committed to someone. When you have time to yourself to reflect on what was right and wrong about the relationship, you will come to a point when all the hurt will pass and you may be ready to be friends with your ex. If you never are, that’s OK too. But the most important thing is to not look back, and move on with your life. You can’t change the past, you can only pave the future.
2. Don’t forget about the love.
When you break up with someone, all five stages of grief happen. What people fail to say about the five stages is that there is a sixth one, which is love. Love is not jealous or hurtful. At one point, you had, (and still have,) a lot of love to give. Don’t forget that just because you are friends with your ex that it automatically puts him or her on your hit list. If you know that they are the only person that you can go to for certain things or talk to about specific things then don’t hesitate to innocently contact them. But remember to ask yourself beforehand, “Do I REALLY need their advice, or is there anyone else I could ask?” An ex is an ex because you two realized for whatever reason that you both did not have a lasting, intense and intimate connection. This doesn’t mean that you can’t have an intellectual connection with someone who knows you extremely well.
3. Don’t freak out if they change for better or for worse.
It’s very common that when you breakup with an ex, they either get better or worse because of it. As cut-throat as this sounds, this is no longer your problem to deal with. As a friend, you can do all you can for them, as you would for a friend. But you are in no position to think about their issues as if you two are still a pair. This can get a little awkward because when you were with your ex you worked together through issues. However, if you are going to make your friendship work, it’s time to take a step back and let each other focus on yourselves.
4. Don’t give into sex, you are just friends.
I don’t know about you, but I am not the best with will power. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t enjoy having sex (unless that’s your thing, that’s cool too), so if you are serious about being JUST FRIENDS, do not become **** buddies. It will open up an intimate wound in your heart and you will be setting yourself up to an even more hurtful breakup.
Also, now that you are single, continuing an intimate relationship with your ex can make things very messy. You don’t know if you are the only person they are sleeping with and vice versa. It is always better to just keep the physical aspects out of this equation.
5. Leave the drama for your Mama.
When you are becoming friends with you ex, leave the drama out. Now that it’s over, there is no reason to bring up any issues you had with your ex. Leave the past in the past and enjoy the friendship for what it is. You might actually find that you can carry a healthier friendship with your ex than when you were together, and even learn to appreciate new things about them. And of course, if you need someone to talk to, try confiding in your mother. Despite whatever personal relationship you happen to have with your mother, they are biologically programmed to love you and care. Worth a shot.
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Paola is a guatemalan-american born in Miami, transformed into a Florida Gator. There's never been a Moombathon song she has heard and not liked. She is a journalist soul-searching for truth.