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20 Thoughts Everyone Has When Applying For Jobs

20 Thoughts Everyone Has When Applying For Jobs

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Whether you’re applying for seasonal or part-time work or beginning to search in your intended career field, there’s one thing all undergrads (or recent grads) have in common when it comes to applying for jobs: none of us have any idea what we are doing. From developing a resume to participating in mock interviews the whole process of applying for jobs — any job — is terrifying and probably leaves you thinking some (if not all) of the following things. Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this.

1. What the hell do I put on my resume?

My name…my phone number…uh now what…

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2. Why do I need a cover letter if I have a resume???

Surely an employer isn’t going to take the time to read both. Either my resume is impressive enough to land me an interview or it isn’t.

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3. Internship…or you want me to work for you for free?

I understand that internships are fabulous learning opportunities as well as a way for those of us just starting out in our respective fields to get our foot in the door and make connections, but does it bother anybody else that companies essentially exploit poor college students for free labor?

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4. Now that I’ve finished my rant, time to apply to some of these prestigious programs…

…and give up any hope of paying off student loans in the near future.

5. Mental note-to-self: I need to start networking more.

That way I’ll know someone in the industry I can reach out to come graduation (or ASAP if you just graduated).

6. Ooh, this looks promising!

“Part-time receptionist needed, $11/hour, up to 32 hours/week.” I can type, have loads of experience talking on the phone, not to mention I have a high school diploma. I’d be perfect for this!

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7. List all prior work experience in related fields? Wait. I thought this was an entry level job.

Now I need at least two years minimum experience answering phones and making copies to apply? How does anyone gain experience if no one will hire you without it?

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8. Do professors and families I’ve babysat for count as qualified recommendations?

Because c’mon – 3 recommendations is a lot.

9. I’m just going to BS my way through this application in order to make myself sound more impressive.

“Most recent leadership role in the workplace?” Let’s see… Oh, “I was the counselor in charge of snack time at the pool and I’ll have you know not a single camper went hungry while I was on duty.” Yeah, that should impress the folks over at human resources.

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10. After all, you must deceive to achieve! (Or isn’t that how the saying goes?)

The top of my resume reads “Extremely Outgoing, highly professional, and well organized” of which I am none of these things. This is good, I am off to a strong start.

11. HA! $8/hour, that’s a good one!

*scrolls furiously past this highly offensive job posting*

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12. I want to cry.

It feels like the universe is against me becoming an adult capable of contributing to society (or the economy) in any real way.

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13. Not quite desperate enough yet to become a stripper.

Damn morals gettin’ in my way again.

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14. Or better yet I should just focus on my “studies” – Mrs. degree here I come!

Because I don’t need a job if I marry rich, right?

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15. Okay, I’ve been to every job site twice, applied to countless listings and heard back from no one. Time for plan B:

Start contacting places I would actually want to work for and see what they have available. Fingers crossed this pays off because I don’t have a plan C!

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16. Life is so unfair.

Why couldn’t I be born with an undeniable gift in athletics or model-good looks so I wouldn’t have to worry about finding work. For example, does anybody honestly know what the hell the Kardashians do? I don’t, but I know they’re raking it in like drug lords. What is your secret, ladies? Please, spread the wealth so that us lowly peasants may have an opportunity to rise as you have.

17. Okay, I’m actually going to cry.

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18. Why wasn’t “applying for jobs” a course in high school?

Forget the classic complaints of not learning about taxes and balancing checkbooks (all very well and practical skills that functioning adults need to know). But without first developing the skills to effectively apply for jobs I literally won’t have to pay taxes because I won’t be earning an income nor will I have any money to put in the bank, therefore nullifying my need for a checkbook. So I ask you, why am I now, in my early twenties, struggling to provide for myself yet able to explain with perfect clarity what a rhombus is? #WhereIsTheLogic?

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19. BRB, Crying.

20. Finally, someone hired me!

I am worthy, praise the heavens, we are saved! Now, all I have to do is show up to work everyday, participate like an adult, and try not to die (but at least I’ll be making money).

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Yes, applying for jobs and looking for work is scary and nerve-racking when you’re just starting out but the good news is it gets easier…LOL. Applying for jobs will always be hard work but the payoff (aka payday) is worth it. Good luck fellow yuppies, and may the odds be ever in your favor!

Featured image source: youqueen.com