Whether you work in the food industry, retail, customer service, or whatever other job that requires you to give up those coveted Saturday and Sundays; the fact that you work weekends means you can relate to some things that those on the Monday-Friday grind just simply can’t. Here are 20 things you only understand if you work weekends.
1. The word “weekend” has no meaning to you.
Having sporadic weekdays off is not quite the same.
2. So that Friday feeling is less “Woohoo,” more “Noooo!”
On the plus side, you don’t have the same detest for Mondays that weekday workers do.
3. Small talk is wasted on you.
“Nice weekend?” OH, GO AWAY. People need to come up with some work-neutral small talk phrases. May we suggest “Was the last-day-you-had-off nice?” as a more PC alternative?
4. But you never have to queue in the post office like those 9-5 mugs.
“You know what? Let’s go first class recorded because I’m walking on air right now.”
5. Everyone groans at you for always having to leave nights out early.
But when you arrive to nights out super-late after work, your ability to squeeze 10 hours worth of drinking into just three is award-worthy.
6. When customers tell you to “have a good weekend.”
Is this some kind of sick joke? I probably would if it wasn’t for the likes of YOU requiring my service.
7. Watching daytime TV makes you feel like a terrible person.
But you secretly love watching it on your days off. And at least Jeremy Kyle reminds you things could be much, much worse.
8. Working with a hangover is a living hell.
You often have to return to the scene of the crime and face alcohol again if you work in service. *shudder* But you can never call in sick because your boss will just ASSUME you’re hungover. Which you are. Waa.
9. Working with hungover people when you’re not hungover is almost just as bad.
You have to pick up their slack and you become a total hypocrite, looking down on them for not taking their job seriously enough. And for smelling like a human beer mat. Dipped in sick.
10. You have to hold back tears scrolling through everyone’s epic Sunday lunches on Instagram.
As much as you try and kid yourself, Monday lunch is just not the same.
11. It’s really hard to catch up with mates.
“What do you MEAN you can’t get drunk on Monday night with me? Bad friend.”
12. Air conditioning makes you immune to the “gorgeous” weather everyone else is commenting on.
On the most BBQ-worthy weekend of summer, you are shivering in a cardigan.
13. Bar customers inexplicably expect you to be just as drunk as they are when you’ve given them their 4th round of Jagerbombs at 1 AM.
NO, STILL SOBER, STILL THINK YOU’RE A DICK.
14. You are forced to conclude that most parents are the very worst.
The *eternal* and everlasting judgement you give the parents who come in with their disgusting kids on a Saturday morning and spend £10 on toast and a smoothie for ‘little poppet,’ who just mashes it all into the floor for you anyway. Good parenting, guys *slow clap*.
15. You’re familiar with the phrase, “Do you live here on the weekends, then?”
Coming from the customer who came in for a morning coffee AND AGAIN for beers in the evening. No mate, I’m paid to be here. You’re the saddo who’s OBSESSED WITH THIS PLACE.
16. Nobody ever wants to go out on a Sunday night with you.
So you form weird but undeniable bonds with workmates you’d never realistically speak to in real-life.
17. But those Monday-Friday workers will never know the joys of High Street shopping on a weekday.
Especially during sale season. You get to see the rails of clothes while they’re still pristine and un-trashed!
18. Daytime grocery shopping is a dream, too.
Which queue-free till to choose? The options are endless!
19. You have to miss family gatherings because you’re WORKING.
Depending on your family, this is either terrible or fucking fantastic…
20. But you know what? Booking a rare weekend off isn’t actually that great.
The shop queues, the traffic, the pedestrians everywhere. This is what you’re missing? They can keep it.