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20 Signs You Go To ESU

1. You know that the Union has much better food than the Caf.

Whether you’re trying to eat healthy or just want to grab something delicious and quick on the go, you know that the ESU Union is far more superior, food-wise, than the caf. Every time you visit the caf, it feels like you die a little more on the inside. The food is half cooked, the tables are often dirty, and there aren’t many healthy options. Never mind the fact that you’ll be standing around forever waiting for the workers to put out fresh food.

2. You’re probably from either somewhere in the Lehigh Valley or Philly.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of students from other places like New York or New Jersey. However, I’m from Easton and I have like half of my graduating high school class in most of my major classes. Plus, being that Philly isn’t too far from ESU, a lot of its inhabitants love the luxury of being far enough from home but still having the option to make it home in a decent amount of time.

3. You leave an hour early for class in order to get a crappy parking spot.

If you go to ESU and commute, you are well aware of the fact that the parking spots are limited and quite frankly, they suck. You’ll end up circling the commuter lot behind Dansbury about 10 times before you find a spot or give up and look for another lot to park in.

4. At some point you’ve had to sit through a presentation by campus police that makes you question why you even go here.

Every time you’re faced with the dreaded task of sitting through a presentation by one of the campus officers, you’re left feeling like you should lock yourself in your room for the rest of your life to avoid any possible chance of being the victim of a crime. Yet, nothing really bad ever happens at ESU.

5. You’ve seen the hypnotist at summer orientation.

I’m not really sure if he’s legit or not, but man, is he funny! As much as students may dread the anxiety of their freshman year orientation, somehow the hypnotist seems to know just how to get the party started for us.

6. You own a boatload of ESU attire, whether it’s from the bookstore or you got it for free.

My favorite thing about ESU is and will always be the clothes. Not only is the bookstore constantly having great deals on their clothes but most events that you attend will throw in a free t-shirt here and there. Does it get any better than free? I don’t think so, especially not when it comes to dressing comfortably for class.

7. There’s at least one person, at all times, on the shuttle to the Ridge talking loudly on their phone.

Next time you’re on the shuttle, take off your headphones and listen in. You’ll hear at least one conversation about some girl’s boyfriend, best friend, or weekend plans. Guaranteed. You can quote me on that.

8. Going to Walmart on a Friday night is as popular as being out at a bar on Main Street.

No doubt about it, Walmart on a Friday night is about as full of students as a bar on Main would be. Whether you’re stocking up on supplies for Netflix and chill or you’re just walking around to get out of your dorm, you know Walmart is the place to be.

9. Cluck-U and Holy Guacamole are main food groups for us.

Whether you’re chowing down on Cluck-U’s nuggets or Holy Guac’s giant burritos, you know that there’s no where else in the world you’d rather be than stuffing your face with delicious, greasy food.

10. Your face hurts when you go outside during the Fall mornings and all of Winter.

Obviously, you’re most likely to feel like this anywhere you go, but for some reason, it feels so much worse up here in the Pocono Mountains. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve legit thought I was experiencing brain freeze standing outside waiting for the shuttle in the cold.

11. You’re definitely not a fan of the daily Warrior notes emails.

Okay, I’m sure they’re helpful and meant to be useful, but come on. They aren’t sent out until like 4 pm and are usually filled with the same repetitive information that the previous one had. Just delete it and act like it never happened!

12. The library isn’t really for studying. It’s for socialization.

Don’t ever let anyone try to question you on this….you will rarely ever get as much studying as you intended to do at the library. But you sure will be caught up on the latest gossip from your best friend while you enjoy a delicious frapp from Starbucks. It’s called Club Kemp for a reason.

13. You’re very familiar with the local party houses and what their basements look like.

ESU has a reputation for being one of the most famous party schools in Pennsylvania and we sure live up to that rep. The local party houses know how to provide a party experience that you’ll be talking about from freshman year to senior year. My best friend and I still have basement stories we’ll probably be telling our kids one day.

14. You pronounce Koehler wrong and will eventually encounter someone that points it out.

Okay, so apparently it’s pronounced KAY-LER, not KOH-LER. Huh, who would have known?

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15. There’s a planetarium with an observatory and a wildlife museum that you probably never even knew about.

Yes, you can go to planetarium shows here and gaze at the stars with your bae. You can also visit the wildlife museum and learn all about species of animals you never cared about before. Cool, right?

16. The sorority girls here wear their letters…Every. Single. Day. In some way.

Whether it’s on a shirt, hoodie, or folder, these girls wear their letters proudly every opportunity they have.


17. You can’t rely on the shuttle to get you anywhere on time.

There will be times when you’ll leave your apartment half an hour before class and still find a way to be 10 minutes late. That’s the shuttle for ya! It’s never on time and definitely doesn’t show up when you need it to.

18. You probably have most of your classes in Stroud.

This semester, I have every class in Stroud. Oh wait that’s every semester. Familiarize yourself with the outdated classrooms and uncomfortable chairs because you’ll spend all four years in there.

19. Homecoming and Spring fest are holidays for us.

Doesn’t matter if you’re spending homecoming and Spring fest with a wristband on drinking in a backyard or you’re at the football game or on the quad…you’re most likely celebrating it somehow.

20. Burgy.

What is he? No one seems to know what kind of animal he is. Is he a squirrel, a bear, a giant dog? Who knows. Regardless, we love our school mascot and his ability to make any sports event just a little happier.
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Megan Serrano

Megan is a Criminal Justice major with a minor in English, studying at East Stroudsburg University. She's obsessed with beach vacations and Swedish Fish.

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